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Hi, I’ve just joined the Sue Ryder Forum.
My wife died six weeks ago and like most (all?) of you, I’m feeling lost, lonely and very hurt.

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Hello Richard. I’m so very sorry you’ve lost your wife. Of course you’re feeling lost, lonely and hurt. We all on this here can relate to those feelings. I hope you can gain some comfort from this forum. Please read posts and join in conversations if you so wish. Just to know you’re not alone in your suffering can be comforting. Sending love and understanding. x

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Hello Richard

So sad about your wife and having to join this club that nobody wants to belong to. When my husband died I went to pieces. I screamed and shouted and then just collapsed in a heap. I am calmer now only because I am two years down the line. However this does not mean that I am calm all of the time. I still have days when feeling are overwhelming There are many people on here some new and some that have been posting for a while. They will be able to reassure you that your feelings or any feelings are valid and that you are not alone. I am sitting here past midnight because today is the day he died and even now I am trying to work out how to cope. I probably won’t cope but that is alright too. Keep posting and people will come to you.

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Hi Richard
Deepest heart felt sympathy,we all get where you are with your feeling and emotions.i am 1 week ahead of you, lost my wife and soul mate 7 weeks ago.
Everyone on this forum knows what you feeling and I found comfort in this forum. Family and friends and work colleagues are supportive but they do not fully understand, it is heart breaking. I have tears running down my face just writing this, You will find it very emotional, but I find just go with it. I am not an emotional person but I am at the moment.
Take one day at time, that is what I am doing, it helps me.
Take care, this forum is here for you.
Gary

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Thank you for your messages and support

Hello Richard, we are all members of a club no one wants to be in. I have lost two husbands to cancer and it’s devastating. We all understand what you are going through. Keep in touch and be strong xx

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So well said - this is a club that no one wants to belong to - but unfortunately we are here . This is good forum, you can say whatever you want because we will understand and we will support you
Big hugs
Sadie

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Dear Richard, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I feel for your loss. I lost a wife about 11 months ago - much too soon! I miss her - please take comfort on this forum, you will find out there are many of us who shre your grief and wish to help in any way possible. Agan, please accept my sympathy.
Herb

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Today would have been Karen’s Birthday.
What a dreadful day.
The house was too big, too quiet and too empty, I had to get out for the day. I went down to the coast.
Karen would have loved it there today, a beautiful sunny day with a chilly wind.
I spent her birthday in one of her favourite places, in glorious weather and she wasn’t here to enjoy it with me.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day

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Dear Richard
There is nothing that can be said to take away your sorrow, however I can say that I understand how you feel
Sadie x

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Thank you @Sadsadie, going through the first birthday/Christmas/anniversary is going to be difficult for every bereaved person. The loss of Karen was so much worse today, hopefully I will get back on an even keel in a day or so.

Dear Richard, I am truly sorry for you. I have gone this myself. It’s been about a year since I lost the the one most important person in my life — she could have kept me live more so than almost anyone else alive.
On November 19, 2019 - she died suddenly, she did not come come home with me that night — I am left alone no - and since then as well. I am sorrowful for you my friend - I guess we are are all lone as friends who have gone thu this alone bow. How I wish I could have a few days left with her -just to let her know I truly loved her. I feel for you - and wish this that you will feel that you are not alone. I can tell you that with all my heart, I truly miss my wife so much. My heart aches for her - my hear is broken for every day now,
I am so sorry that Karen’s birthday passed this way for us. My hearty and wishes go out you my friend! You are not alone in this. I am going thru the same. Stay well!
Herb

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We are all feeling very alone and scared for our future, mainly because of the loss of our partner and partly the uncertainty surrounding lockdown. This has caused more fear and isolation that has added to our burden. Our beloved has been snatched away from us without our permission. They were taken from us like a thief in the night and we have been robbed of our most prized possession. We weren’t careless and ‘lost’ them. We were robbed. We are feeling indignant and we want them back NOW.
We all feel the same way and we will help each other through these sad times. There must be a bigger plan that we can’t yet see. I certainly hope so.

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Hello Richard
It is on birthdays and anniversaries we think even more of our loved ones. I am sure your wife would be looking down on you and pleased that you were out and not sitting at home alone. We have to start and make new memories and that is very difficult to do. I am facing my first Christmas without my husband who died in January and I lost my first husband 25 years ago this month. Very difficult times and covid too doesn’t help. Stay safe

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Dear Maureen
I was listening today one of the audiobooks I like so much
The book points out that is our expectations that make the special days so awful. Because we want to recreate what we had and what it was we are bound to feel really low
Usually I find is the build up to the date much worse than the day itself
The first Christmas without Jack we did things very different than the normal
We used to have beautiful Christmas trees , we would go and choose them and dressed the tree together etc - now I have a tree that looks like twigs with lights on . Does Christmas has the same meaning - NO but it is an opportunity for our family to meet
Family was very important to Jack - he loved when we were all together and I feel that this way we honour him and the family we created together
Take care
Sadie x

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