New Year without my husband

Rainbow puts things so well and her posts are beautiful to read.
I sometimes get a little impatient with my furry famIly (I have five shitsus) but I think they understand and make allowances for me…I would never have got this far without them…who would ever have known that guardian angels could have furry faces and four paws…don’t worry too much…let them love you and look after you! Take care x

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I was on Tramadol early last year due to knee problem. Took a while to get off it and now just ibuprofen or/and paracetamol. It’s amazing how heavy a knee can feel when they come together in bed and how painful that is. Lack of good sleep is a massive problem. I’ve been working on building up musculature and strength but after long walks it can be very painful. I’ve tried every type of cushion between knees in bed. Just bought new mattress and not sure if I’m imagining it but it’s helped. Lack of sleep just makes every problem look bigger so you have my sympathy. It’s like a foundation stone to build on.

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Having both knees replaced has created obstacles for me but weren’t a problem when Alan was here, nor was my osteoarthritis (Was diagnosed at 34 but kept it under control through supplements and food containing anti inflammatory properties, with having to do everything now, it has flared up in both hands and causing difficulties. I’ve never classed myself as disabled as ive always been active. My walks with Winston and Ada 3 times a day really do help my mobility, although long drives and long walks do tend to aggravate it. Keeping up with regular physio exercises helps too. Everything is a catch 22 scenario though, isn’t it. I’ll probably continue with the paracetamol, unable to take ibuprofen or similar, but at least I’ll be off the tramadol. Hope you don’t overdo it too much x

Thank you so much for your kind compliment Amelie’sgran; it’s made my day. I find this a wonderful forum and by contributing and reading, it’s helping me get through my day. I love to hear about furry friends…I’m sure your five are really good company, kind wishes to you & the little angels, x

My furry friend is my cat. He was very attached to my husband but being a sensible cat he has accepted me instead. He doesn’t like it when I cry and runs upstairs. But at night he comes on to the bed and clings on to me . Then he sleeps on the bed on my husband’s side on my husband’s best fleece. I talk to him all the time and he is a great comfort.

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Hello Dido, he sounds like a sensitive and sensible cat…very loyal to your beloved husband’s things. It’s lovely to hear he is being a great comfort to you. We so welcome any bit of comfort going, a kind word or a hug, now and again. I’ve never had a furry friend because of us both working…maybe I should forster one to see how I get on, have a peaceful evening, x

Hi Dido, I also have a furry friend, my little ginger Toffycat. She always sat on my husbands lap and he called her my wee pal. She was very distressed just after Iain died and went round the house obviously looking for something. I picked her up, all limbs flying to get down and put her on the bed on top of Iain’s favourite sweater. She instantly started to puddle her paws into it, purring like mad. I think his smell must have gone after a couple of weeks and she started to sit on my lap in the evenings. That little cat has given me such comfort, more than anyone else and I know Iain would have been pleased.

Hi Chris (Chris? am I right?) I think you have done immensely well in going away, more than I can manage, but coming home to that empty house is really tough.A friend of mine says she walks in the house, switches the radio on for noise and calls out “Hi Honey, I’m home!”. She says she can feel his presence in the house and wants to share things with him. I talk to my husband quite a bit too, most often at night when I can’t sleep.
Coming off medication isn’t easy, especially when you are in pain both physical and mental. I’ve been stuck on meds for months, since before Iain became so ill with the cancer that killed him. We had come home from holiday, 18 months ago now, and I was in agony with vulvodynia and IBS but the GP was useless. I was put on tramadol, antidepressants and sleeping tabs and felt like a zombie but still in pain. Iain had been getting worse with a longterm condition that we knew would eventually kill him. Then the cancer started, I came off all the meds, to look after him as best I could. He died after a traumatic 4 months and I am now on a different drug which causes weight gain but still doesn’t help the pain. Everyone thinks I “need to get out more” and invite me to stay with them but they haven’t a clue what grief does to you or how it feels when your “lady bits” are constantly in pain and the thought of getting out by bus or train causes panic attacks. I just want to curl up in my own comfy bed and drift away into whatever world my husband is now in.

Hi Menessie, it’s Jennifer, Jen to my friends, it’s a horrible feeling isn’t it, the emptiness, I talk to Alan constantly thought the day and night, and when in the confines of our home it’s out loud, I know it’s only a matter of time before I start talking to him out loud when I’m outside. I know he’s with me all the time and I get messages confirming he’s still close by. This opinion some people have when they think they know what you’re going through, they haven’t a clue unless they’ve experience our kind of loss. I have posted another thread saying just that, won’t elaborate but a friend seems to think she knows exactly what I’m going through because she lost her mother 6 years ago, her bereavement and my feelings when my dad passed would have been similar, losing a husband/wife or partner is different and I admit I didn’t understand the difference until it happened to me. Hope you find respite soon, have you tried homeopathic remedies? They can be quite effective in easing many things, although not exactly sure if they’d help with your health issues. Blessings and thank you for your words of comfort

Jen x

Hi again Menessie, hope you don’t mind, but I saw your post about your little ginger Toffycat. You mentioned that Iain called her, his wee pal. I’ve been a collector of teddies for some years. My husband bought me a beautiful ted from a small shop on the quayside in Lossiemouth. On its jumper it says ‘A wee pal fae Lossiemouth’. Thank you for bringing the memory of a wonderful holiday to mind. A bit of comfort, in a very long and lonely day. I hope you have a peaceful evening, hugs for you and your cat, xx

Oh Rainbow, how sweet and thank you for sharing. It brought a smile to my face after a horrible day in which I scraped the wing of the car taking it out of the garage and was generally feeling both unwell and missing Iain terribly. I’m now going to waste an evening in front of the TV with Toffy - now my bestest wee friend!

I often feel I’m wasting the evening watching tv. I find I can get through the day till about now then I hate the feeling that there’s nothing to do except rubbish tv. I know I could read or turn the house out but it’s hard to motivate when you feel so tired all the time. My lovely furry friend doesn’t wake up till bed time and then he wants lots of cuddles. Take care of yourself. We can only do what we can at the moment one day at a time.

I’ve spent the evening watching repeats, yet have a mountain of work to complete before the tax year deadline, I’ve neither the motivation or the inclination to do it, then my darling furbaby Ada, the pug, decides it’s playtime and here am I now ready to get some sleep. Bless her, I recorded loads before Christmas that way I could avoid the Christmas adverts.got interested in a series called ‘Delicious’ with Dawn French and Emile Fox, 3rd series started last week. Something new to watch. ☆ anyway, Ada is tucked up nice and safe, I’ve my Lemsip with a tot of whisky (it helps) and my mug of horlicks, hopefully to get a good night’s sleep, if I do, it will be the first in over 7 months. ☆

Hi. I feel for you. My partner and soul mate died in Sept. 2018 and still not come to terms with it really. You’re right, life will never be the same again. Xxx

Mine was September 2018 too. It’s about 14 weeks. It helps to think weeks because it’s such a little time since we lost our beloveds that we can’t expect to have hardly grasped it yet. I do hope you have some sleep tonight. X

I only remembered today that the tax return needs doing. My mind is in a fog a lot of the time. Things I could do easily before seem like a big hill to climb now. All the energy goes on grief. And not being able to say to my darling “ I’d better get on with my tax return”

I only remembered today that the tax return needs doing. My mind is in a fog a lot of the time. Things I could do easily before seem like a big hill to climb now. All the energy goes on grief. And not being able to say to my darling “ I’d better get on with my tax return”

I know it’s absolutely heart breaking the pain is unbearable but you are so strong and brave to stay with your friends to have a drink.
My first Christmas with out my husband he passed away in October last year so it’s still early days yet and so difficult I miss him so much!
Got through Christmas with the help of my son and Daughter in Law, but today is my 58th birthday! First one with out my husband too it’s really hard but my friends from work have been with me all day they took me out for lunch and they bought me 2 budgies for my birthday so when I come home there is a noise in the house instead of silence which I find really unbearable.
I am with you all the way on this and even though I can’t take your or mine pain away I understand!!!
I am always here.
Sending you lots of love and hugs xxx

Hi Emily,

Just wanted to add some belated wishes, for your birthday yesterday. It’s good to have friends and family who can help you to make life now, just a little bit more bearable. I hope the budgies settle in well, xx

Thank you Emily, the feelings are mutual, and belated birthday greetings. Blessings.☆