Went to my bed at 11.30 pm took ages to get to sleep all I could hear was fireworks. I cried so much i am releaved that it’s all over.
Christine x
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Hello all, I am afraid I cheated a bit. I had cried so much in the evening, that I took a sleeping tablet. I did not hear a thing. I popped George’s casket in the bed near me and slept really well. I hope 2019 brings us all some peace xx
Thank you Dido, Your kind words are greatly appreciated.
My son’s cooked, cleared up and generally looked after me and behind
my smile I held an aching, empty heart.
Gogs
Dido, I lost my wife of 38 years just 3 weeks ago. I managed Christmas ok, although I was on my own for nearly the whole time. However, today, New Year’s Day has been very difficult. I have not known what to do with myself and have laid asleep on the bed for much of the time. In a way it has been the realisation that for the first time since 1980 I face a new year alone and it all seems totally pointless.
I understand. I have been very sleepy all day and was only up between 12 and 2 then went back again. Now watching boring tv. It’s so silent without him. I just want to get this New Years Day over and somehow make even a little step forward. It’s very early for you . After 3 months it’s still early too. I have to think there is a point but I know it’s going to take time to see it. Tomorrow the world gets going again after this awful period of Christmas and New Year so I plan just to do something very ordinary like go to the shops and at least people around. I can do that now . I don’t know what you can do but take of yourself.
I was going to try and stay at the house tonight but as it got dark I knew I couldn’t do it and ended back at my sister’s where I had a complete meltdown. My brother and sister have said there is no need for me to stay there and that I’m being too hard on myself. It’s so difficult to accept help and feel dependent on others when Gerald and I were so independent. Today seemed to have hit me as hard as the day Gerald died and I don’t really know why. Is it the start of a new year without him? Or the realisation that he isn’t coming back and that this is my future now without him? Just when I thought I was starting to accept it, reality kicks in and I’m back to square one. God, the emotional turmoil is unbearable and I feel like I’m going mad.
Dear Daphne first of all You areNOT going mad. The one thing I have learned from this forum is that we all cope (or not) in different ways.
I for instance can be fine one minute and not the next.
I have stayed at home from the day John left me. My sons stayed for a few days but had to go back to their families. But just because I can do that it doesn’t mean that you should be able to and it sounds as though you have good support from your brother and sister.
Take their help until you feel more able to some things alone. No one knows how long you need.
Ha listen to me , this person who spent last crying at the firework noises and couldn’t stand to hear Auld Lang Syne.
I hope you start to feel a little safer soon
Susan
I was the same, thought I would go out for a few hours as I couldnt bare to be in the house at midnight as it was where we spend most of our time together, but I cried all the time I was out. People we knew came over and gave me hug and wish me will but it was a hug from my husband I wanted
Thank you Susan. Everything seems to have just got on top of me. I know my family have been a great support to me. I don’t know where I would have been without them. If Gerald and I had had the time to unpack and make some memories I could feel closer to him. But I have nothing to feel a connection with him which makes the loss even harder. I know this is going to be a long difficult process and I do try to take a day at a time.
Everyone grieves in their own way and it is I believe impossible to fully understand how it is for anyone else…the bond was different with the beloved lost one.
I now realise that losing your life partner is multi-faceted…you have also lost the one who shaped your future, the one who you shared everyday trivialities with etc etc etc.
A lot to deal with…is it any wonder our lives are fragile to say they least.
I am counting on time providing the space and knowledge and healing needed to face a very different life ahead.
Blessings xx
Hi Daphne
I haven’t visited the forum for a few days as I have been in a low mood and done nothing except care for my dog .
Anyway I decided to come back (can’t sleep) and I wondered how you are doing. I hope you are feeling a little better. I know that’s the wrong word but hope you know what I mean.
Best wishes Susan
This time of year is the hardest. I lost my husband of 27 years when I was 51, 10 years ago now. Undoubtedly this is the hardest time of year when you would always be together and there is a big black hole in your life.
I think it helps to be younger as you are forced by circumstance to get out there- I had to find a job to keep a roof over my head, the work cameraderie helps, I joined a choir and started an arty course to get new interests and meet new people.
None of that takes away the grief - I still have days when I am floored by it, but many more smiles when I think of something funny he would have said in a situation.
I can’t pretend it’s easy Debra, but as time goes on you hold the very best of him in your heart so he is always with you in spirit.
Sending heart felt love to you Debra as you begin this journey x
Hi Susan thank you so much for asking. I’m doing ok at the moment. I think sometime we dip so low the only thing to do is work our way up otherwise we sink completely. It was the first time I had felt as if I was reliving the day Gerald died. It’s frightening and I’m sure it won’t be the last time it will happen. x
Hi Susan thank you so much for asking. I’m doing ok at the moment. I think sometime we dip so low the only thing to do is work our way up otherwise we sink completely. It was the first time I had felt as if I was reliving the day Gerald died. It’s frightening and I’m sure it won’t be the last time it will happen. x
Hi Gill, thank you for your reply. I don’t know how I have survived the last 5 weeks without George. It all still feels so unreal that someone so full of life, so loving and generous and warm can be gone never to come back again. I have started back to work now and I guess that is proving to be a bit of a distraction, although my concentration levels are shocking. I cannot imagine surviving 1 year without him let alone 10, you are such a brave lady but I know you have no choice in the matter. I guess in time I will begin to build some kind of life for myself and find some interests outside the home, but at the moment I am just about managing to leave the house to go to work for the morning, and then walk the dog. Apart from that I just want to be here surrounded by George’s things and my memories. I agree it is easier being younger apart from people who seem to want to suggest that I could go on and get married again or have other relationships. I don’t want that and cannot even contemplate it. How can people be so insensitive!!!
Take care xx