This is my first post. I lost my husband suddenly on the 2nd July. He had a heart attack and cardiac arrest at the gym whilst I was in the swimming pool and never regained consciousness. We had been married for 37 years and known each other 41 years. We met at school. We were devoted to each other, best friends. I am devastated. We had no children and had moved down to the south west to retire. All my friends and family are in the midlands and I’m so isolated but love our hone. It’s our sanctuary but so lonely without him. I can’t imagine my life without him. Everything scares me. The present, the future. I feel like my heart has been torn out and half has gone with him. I’ve read some other messages and just to say I feel like you. It’s terrifying. I just hope I can cope with the torment. I miss him so much.

Dear Lin I am so sad for you. I lost my beautiful husband and best friend on 28th July after 36yrs. Just like you I have said I feel as if my heart has been torn out and life feels pointless. Also like you I feel afraid of now and the future. I miss him endlessly
and talk to his photo.I am lying on the sofa watching tv and he used to sit by me and I could twine my legs around his .What I would give to have him back but in reality all of us in this dreadful situation will have to carry on as best we can, with hope that this initial gut wrenching pain will lessen.

Hi Toria
Your description reads like I’ve written it. I know exactly what you mean. I talk to my husband all the time. I question things, imagine him being on the sofa with me and then think of all the little sayings we had. Like you we were best friends. We didn’t need any other people. It’s all surreal. One minute we were discussing meeting after our session the next I was watching the paramedics trying to rescuscitate him. Now when I see an ambulance or a paramedic, like I did in Birmingham city centre recently, I stiffen and have flashbacks. It’s awful. My sister just held me and rushed me away. And yes the stomach churning is unbearable. Thing is there’s no time limit on the stages of grief. It’s not like any other pain where you can take a couple of paracetamol and hope it clears soon.
At least we can get comfort from each other.
Please take care. X

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