Reaching out to others to begin to navigate my way though this nightmare of losing my beautiful first born son just 36 years.
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Suzanne. I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our youngest son Matt suddenly 3 months ago today and this is an excruciating hard journey to be on. Matt was only 27 healthy and happy, healthy and full of life whilst still with us every day living at home, he went to bed and passed in his sleep and we have no answer why as yet. There are a lot of good people on here that are in the same situation and sadly I have found are the only people I can relate to with the pain I am in. Can I ask how you and the rest of your family are and what was your sons name and do you know what happened and why he passed. Sending you so much love and strength 
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Hi Jen,
Im so sorry for your loss too.
I was speaking to my son on Thursday from abroard and planned to see him on Sunday on my way back from Gatwick…I’d been visiting my 94 year old uncle in Sweden. It seemed he had a psychotic episode in which he lost all sense of safety. Its too unpleasant to post on here. He was a risk taker, his whole life the kindest person and was always helping others and like your son he appeared happy and was healthy but perhaps he wasnt able to help himself. My family are deverstated and his friends. The church where he grew up was packed at his funeral.
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So sorry to hear you and your family are going through what is every parents nightmare. Matthew’s funeral was also packed and his very close friends of 10 shared the duties of taking Matt into church and out again and into the crematorium. The boys organised everything for me as I couldn’t face doing much. My family and husbands family did a lot too. Matthew’s friends are checking in on us every now and again so we are very lucky to have such wonderful young men in our lives but it also intensifies the pain realising that our Matthew isn’t here with us and them enjoying and living his best life. We have an older son and he is really struggling too. Life makes no sense anymore. My 2 boys and husband are all I ever wanted and needed so I am struggling with the reality I find myself in. I have been told that if I can just concentrate on the basic things like getting up and eating each day that is all can be expected at the moment. Grief is exhausting and I am exhausted every day from not sleeping, from grieving and from this intense physical and mental pain. There are a few posts on here under the loss of a child where you will get a lot of support from others sadly in the same position as us. Be kind to yourself and take each day minute by minute
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Bless you Jen, Just when you think you have an education on life and this hits you like a tornado… who ever knew there was such emotional pain. How old is your other son, so important he finds someone to talk to. My sons are meeting up with cousins this weekend it will be good for them. We are in Sussex how about you Jen?
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I’m so sorry to hear about your son’s passing. I lost my son in 2020 to bowel cancer. He was diagnosed 3 weeks before he passed. Even now, coming up to 5 years in October it’s still very raw. My life will never be the same. I still have 2 twin sons. And my husband. My son who I lost was only 39. … My son lives on through them. Everything I see them do makes me happy but so sad at times. I hope you both find a way to get through this. Sending you lots of love. I know how you feel.
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Oh goodness life is so hard isn’t it… so young for such an illness. May you yake comfort in the memories you have of these 39 years … I know I do my sonmlives life to the max … she did so much in his 36 years far more than Ive ever done in terms of adventures. ((( hugs)))
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It’ll be a year on July 21st since i lost my wonderful, quirky son James. James was 31. He died suddenly and unexpectedly of Sudep. Sudden adult death in a person with Epilepsy. That knock on the door changed my life forever, a heart-breaking explosion that shattered my world into a thousand pieces. The pain was unimaginable and i couldn’t understand how people survived such trauma. It felt like my soul had been ripped out yet my heart continued to beat even though it was so very broken and i felt cast adrift in a new world without James and unable to navigate through the thick clouds of sadness which now surround me.
Watching your beautiful sister Anna trying to adapt without you breaks my heart and im angry that you have they have both been robbed of a life making new memories with a family who were not ready to stop loving you.
My heart goes out to each and every one of you walking this journey and i send my love. . xx
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Oh Susanne. I am in the same position as you. My son had cerebral palsy but was so healthy. He rarely caught colds. I cant ever remember him having a sickness bug. He was the light of our lives. Always smiling with a great sense of humour. He didnt speak but had his own way of letting us know what he wanted. He was 38. I just found him a few weeks ago deceased in bed. They haven’t found a reason although there was mention of a kind of cot death in adults. His funeral is on Friday. I dont know how i am going to get through it.
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Big hugs I’m so sorry…we are maybe 11-12 weeks on now and I feel so broken still.
A few moments of feeling ok ish then it hits me again.
( I hope the funeral is a blessing to you and your family) if you want to talk to someone I’d be willing to chat… I do have a professional role in social care sector not that it helps me now. Dont hold back let your pain out talk if you can. Let me know if you want to speak privately I could maybe send an email address to start with.x
Thankyou so much Susanne. An email would be great thanks. X
I am sending my heartfelt condolences to all the bereaved mothers, and fathers l truly understand your pain and heartache, its almost is disbelieve, of how our sons and daughter’s, have died, its not right, its not natural for our children to pass before us’ Its has been over 6 years since my precious youngest son died, a very fit healthy 34 year old, with everything to live for’ we thank God that we saw him the night before he died, when he put his arms around both me and his dad, and hugged us, telling us that he loved us, he kissed the top of my head’ and off he went home to his flat.
Our son suffered a cardiac arrest, in his sleep, the Coroner told us that he had died of SADS Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome, often caused by a defective gene in the heart, we as a family including his two brothers have all had extensive tests done at the Royal Papworth hospital, in Cambridge, to see if we are the carriers, and in our sons case, to see if they had a hidden heart condition. As a family we are still, even now, struggling to come to terms with our loss, to help with our grief, we have raised money for the Air Ambulance, installed two Defibrillators in the village, one in the beach car park, where our sons always loved to go Surfing, my boys care for the church grounds, it looks beautiful, where their brother is laid to rest, as it brings him closer to them, we raise funds for the Charity SADS the money goes towards the research into what causes sudden death in young people’
I grow flowers all through the year, to place on his grave, and always put a Christmas Tree in the church, with his photo in his memory, as he always loved Christmas. My sons now have his Surf boards, and have installed a bench on the beach, in his memory, the grief of losing a child, a brother, a grandson, is devastating we share your pain, we understand your grief, it takes your breath away, some days, i just cant stop crying, i am sending heartfelt love and hugs to you all
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It’s so lovely that you’ve found some positive things to do to honour your son, I really admire that xx
I must admit, knowing it is still so hard for you six years on scares me so much because I’m only six weeks in but the thought of this pain for the rest of my life feels completely overwhelming 
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Norfolkgirl03
I, like you, have lost my youngest son, at the age of 24, 24 weeks ago, at the end of March, to what the procurator fiscal thinks is SADS as well. His last words to me , was the day before on mother’s Day , when he phoned from uni to wish me a good mother’s day, and he said " Love you mum " . I will cherish those words for the rest of my life.
You must be a very strong person to have been able to do such positive things to help other people in the way that you have. I really admire you. I can barely get out of bed in the morning.
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I lost my son on the 2nd of September, I am heart broken, ive never imagined pain like this. The world seems to be a very cold lonely place at the moment. My family are surrounding me with love and support but i just feel lost, and angry.
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