Newly bereaved

Hello everyone.
I’m 63 years old and I live in London.
My darling husband who was 60 passed away in hospital yesterday. He was in a lot of pain due to a burst stomach ulcer which cause all of his vital organs to fail. Surgeons operated on him yesterday afternoon but he was in such a bad way they couldn’t save him and he died in his sleep yesterday evening.
I’ve had a lot of love and support from family and friends but I wanted to join this group to be with people who understand how I feel.
I’m feeling numb at the moment and I’m already missing him terribly. :cry:

1 Like

Hi Lesley Jane, you have come to the right place. We all know how you are feeling and what you are going through as we are all in the same boat. You will still be in shock and disbelief at what’s happened, it’s good you have a great support network but on here you are with others who understand. Unless you have been through it yourself you can’t begin to realise what someone is going through, strangely it is a comfort to know you are not alone and there are lots of us going through the same emotions and feelings as you are. It’s been 14 months for me since I lost both my husband and Mum so I can empathize with you. We have not only lost our soul mate but also the future we thought we were going to have together, all our plans and dreams are gone in the blink of an eye and our world has changed forever. I know in the early days I just wanted to be with my husband but further down the line I am starting to have more good days than bad so it does get a little more bearable although at this moment in time you probably won’t believe me. What I will say to you is stick with the forum, it was my salvation and gave me the opportunity to make amazing friends and together we are holding eachother’s hands on this hellish journey we find ourselves on.
Sending you a big virtual hug :revolving_hearts:


Hi MrsColt
thank you for messaging me.
I’m sorry for your losses.
My darling husband passed away at 5.55pm yesterday evening. He was taken to the Princess Royal Hospital in Orpington at 5.20 am yesterday morning with severe stomach pains. Surgeons operated on him yesterday afternoon and found he had a burst ulcer in his stomach which caused his vital organs to fail. He never woke up and died in his sleep.
It has come as a total shock as I thought he would have the op and get better.
He was only 60. No age.
A BIG virtual hug to you too :two_hearts:

1 Like

Oh it’s just unbelievable isn’t it :sob: one minute everything is fine then BAM your whole world has been shattered into a thousand pieces that we can never put back together. My husband was also sudden, he was a fit and healthy 67 year old then one day he said he didn’t feel well and in the space of three weeks had deteriorated so badly he was admitted to hospital for tests, the morning he was due the MRI scan he took a heart attack and they tried but could not bring him back. Like you I thought they would find out what was wrong and fix it :cry: 60 is still young, your husband should have been looking forward to his retirement and you two spending a lot more time together. Life is so cruel isn’t it :slightly_frowning_face:


Dear Mrs Colt and Lesleyjane

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband had just turned 60 when he was killed in a motorbike accident in September. We were making retirement plans after a difficult 4 years financially and employment wise. Life is definitely so cruel. My husband had worked so hard for his retirement doing hard manual work after years working in an office in order to bring some income in.

Take care of yourselves and Lesleyjane I will be thinking of you as you grapple with making the necessary arrangements.

1 Like

Yes it is unbelievable.
My husband was suffering from chronic back and hip pain and in the past he’d had two TIA’s (mini strokes) and what doctors thought was a full stroke and he’d had a series of fits/seizures but he hadn’t had a fit/seizure for almost five years.
The burst ulcer was something totally unrelated.
He’d been getting back and tummy pains before Christmas but he put it down to maybe a tummy bug or flu.
He deteriorated within days and sadly passed away. :cry:

Thank you Sheila26.
I’m sorry for your loss too.
There’s going to be so much to sort out and get through.

1 Like

Hi Sheila, what a terrible shock for you and you must still be trying to come to terms with what’s happened. You work hard all your days thinking when retirement comes you will have loads of time together to enjoy life then something like that happens and you find yourself on your own trying to cope and deal with everything. You wonder what you did to deserve this, I sometimes think am I selfishly crying more for myself and the future that has been snatched away from me than the fact my husband has died. We will get there in the end I am sure, it’s just going to be a long journey :cry: x

1 Like

I know how you feel. I am 60 as was my wife been together since 15 year old we grew up together got married at 24 brought to beautiful children in the world and they brought beautiful children into my world, just as it was ment to be. After my wife battled with breast cancer and was doing well, covid came into our world and has ruined thousands of lives as it did mine. All was set up for my retirement in four and a half years time, getting ready to kick back a bit and spend some quality time together, then bang it was over so yes what is the point? sat at home now empty rooms empty soul and empty life. I have no answer.

1 Like

It’s awful Ron, Everything we looked forward to gone. Retirement was supposed to be our time after looking after everyone else and working for years now we have been robbed of the future we thought we would have :cry: a pointless existence now.

It is like a chapter out of a book of what worst can happen in your world, then it is played out in front of you day by day… What was the point? I wish i could find an answer but I can’t. We need good days but I have seen none in three months. I wish I had the words to explain the pain but the words I can put together do not cover it hope you get good days soon

You are right in everything you say. I sometimes hate myself when I am on the phone having to tell people about Ian’s death - sometimes I feel this is just a horrible nightmare or that I am looking in on someone else. Unfortunately the inquest is a long way off and after that probate to sort.

Ian and I had nothing when we married but each other. We had the children and worked hard to give them a good life and save towards a good retirement. Then in 2016 we were both paid off from our jobs and our savings counted against us and Ian could not get any help with retraining etc. We sold the family home and went back to our roots where as long as we had each other nothing else mattered. We had only just got back on our feet so to speak and were enjoying silly, funny occasions together like treating ourselves to a cake with afternoon tea. The fact that we had each other was all that mattered and now he has gone there is nothing left for me.

I know it is hard but day by day I know it is easier said than done but it is all we have. Let emotions out I have cried buckets of tears and more buckets to come but it let’s out the pressure. And one day we may get to see a reason to carry on. Stay safe.

1 Like

Hello Ron
I’m so sorry for your loss.
We were together 28 years and married 21 years and although my husband only passed away a couple of days ago I’m already feeling lonely the night times being the worse.
We had no children and I have no siblings.
I have cousins, good friends, my husbands family and neighbours who have been wonderful but with the covid none of them, apart from a couple of my neighbours, want to risk coming to see me.
I’m a person who likes having people around me so it’s scary knowing I’m going to be alone so from now on it’s just me and the cat.
Thinking of you Ron and all you ladies. xxx :heart: :heart: :heart:

I am so sorry for your loss. You have become a member of a group whom share a personal heart ache, I am glad you have people around you I hope they keep you safe, you are in the very early stage of your loss take it slow give yourself time to adjust and again I say this but it is not as easy to do as say but just think one day at a time, I know what you mean by being lonely but it comes with the teratory we have been thrown into main thing at this stage is look after yourself. Take care, you are not alone we are always here Ron

Thank you for your kind message Ron.
Everyone has been so kind…cousins, my husbands family, friends and even the lovely people on this forum.
The lockdown has made things difficult as apart from a couple of neighbours dropping in to see me noone else will risk it because of the covid.
It’s good to know you and the others are here to chat with xxx