No bond

I lost a brother a few years ago and we were very close and his passing was hard to deal with .Only a few days ago my eldest brother has died we were never close and the news of his passing although I am sad I feel nothing towards him as like my other brothers he always had a chip on his shoulder so none of the brothers had much to do with him .we only found out he had died by a cousin not my dead brothers family .we do feel sad but on the other hand if we were to call his wife she could say that why the concern now when you did not want to know him when alive ,it’s very difficult as we have still not heard officially we are none the wiser .so how can I deal with this situation as I don’t want conflict or any bad feelings from the family at the end of the day he was my brother regardless of his bad behaviour in the past .any ideas welcome .

Sorry to hear of your sad news.

I would suggest you say a prayer for him to rest in peace and if you feel the need take some flowers to his resting place and/or light a candle for him …leave it at that. I don’t think there’s a need to contact any of his family. As you say you didn’t have contact when he was alive so why bother now. You could send them a card I suppose to let them know you are aware of his death and offer your sympathy (if you want them to know you’re aware). Personally I’d say a prayer for him and maybe take some flowers quietly to his grave. I wouldn’t see the point of contacting anyone… x

Hard one this. Was there any bad feeling in the first place. You never know his family might be pleased to hear from you, touched that someone from his past family cares. Families are funny things though. When my husband died I thought that his daughters would offer some support, I thought that the Auntie and Uncle he was close to would keep in touch. I sent his Step sister some of his things as they had the same hobby, what must have been hundreds of pounds worth. Not a word from any of them. There has never been a cross word between any of us, although I never met his Step sister but I did speak to her on the phone. His daughters have totally blanked me, won’t reply to calls or letters as neither will his aunt and uncle. Although his daughters was no better towards their father and he refused to have anything to do with them in the end. I would have loved to think that his family was thinking of me in my grief but obviously not. Send a card or letter and see what happens, you’ve got nothing to lose, just walk away if it causes offence.

Thank you for you comments and

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