It’s 10 weeks since I lost my Julie, the pain doesn’t lessen, if anything it’s getting worse, every day is a lonely day, no one to make small talk to, nobody to hold and tell them I love them, I yearn to hear my Julie’s voice saying she loves me but it’s all gone.
I feel like I’ve lost my whole life, my world has completely collapsed and I’m supposed to carry on but what’s the point, I have no future or life worth living. Really don’t know how I can come back from this low I’m trapped in. How do people get through this nightmare?
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We just do, day at a time, without thinking ahead.
It’s a slow painful process but it does get easier. The early months are harsh and there’s a lot to adjust to.
I can’t make it better for you but can share my experience and I’m now finding the raw pain gone, the constant ache has gone. I have a life, that’s changed but is worth having and I look forward more positively.
How long it will last, I don’t know but I’ll take it whilst it does. I’m anxious about the winter months without him, which will also include the 1 year mark of his death. I’m 58 and life is not done for me and my partner would want me to live what’s left of it, to the best of my ability as he would have done, if roles were reversed.
This life is not what anyone of us would choose but it’s all we have and we have to make the most of it. Just take it a day at a time, embrace any good days and accept the bad days. Life doesn’t live for us, we have to make it happen. As hard as that is right now, you will get there in time.
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Thanks for that, I’m also 58 seems way to young to be having to go through this pain, I find that’s the hard part, I might have to be here for another 20/30 years without my Julie, I just always assumed that I would grow old with her and we would be together until our late 70’s early 80’s, life’s so cruel.
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My grandparents lived long , 99 and 102, I’m screwed 
For me, that’s why I need to be positive, as hard as it is, I’ve got a lot of life to live! This is not what I wanted but I’m left with no choice. To be in constant pain and torture is not a life worth living.
My partner loved me and always wanted the best for me, so I will do the best for me in his honour. I can’t go through life miserable, there’s no point.
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@Ali29. I agree completely with what you’ve said. As hard as it seems I still feel I have a lot of living to do. It’s not what I planned or wanted but I owe it to my husband to do the best I can for us both. Life doesn’t just happen we have to make it happen. J x
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@Wayne2 , hi , it’s two years since my husband died, I really don’t know how I have got here. I still think of him constantly and love and miss him so much . He is the only life I knew, together from us both being 16 he died when we were 59. When he first died I couldn’t even imagine getting through a month without him . But like I say two years on . I’m not in a happy place , don’t think I ever will be . But I survive each day , I do work and have adult kids and grandkids what helps to fill the hours , but as for a future for me . I wouldn’t know where to start. It was always just us two ,didn’t bother with friends ,didn’t do things separately,we were just happy being US. Me personally don’t think we get through it , we learn to live with our grief and carry it with us . Like our partners are with us . I think that’s the best we can do . Xtake carex
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Right now I just can’t see anything positive worth living for, I had a bad childhood, late teens and early 20’s but I was lucky enough to have meet my Julie when I was 26, my whole life from then on had meaning and I had a wonderful life with my Julie, now I feel like I’ve just sunk back to the lows of my early life.
I know my Julie would have wanted be to carry on with my like and make the most of it but without Julie I am nothing.
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@Wayne2 I feel your pain-i’m feeling exactly how you are.I lost my soulmate Stu 7 weeks ago tomorrow,he was only 51 same age as i am.I just can’t accept that hes gone-i feel robbed of a future-we always joked about growing old together in a nursing home-he’d be flirting with the nurses but still telling me i was the most beautiful girl in the world.Now i feel so lost&alone without him-i miss the silly things like coming home to a cuddle&a cuppa always waiting for me when i got in.i’m just taking it day by day,trying to do at least one positive thing every day no matter how small-its all we can do.We have to live our lives for them now&take an extra breath for them,easier said than done i know.Be kind to yourself,reach out when you need to.There are plenty of us broken souls in theis club that no one ever wanted to be in- you are not alone x
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It’s not easy I lost my husband 16 weeks a go suddenly at 52. I’m 44 so yeah so many years ahead of us we should have had. Some days I find talking helps some days I want to be alone. I feel like I’m on auto pilot most days. It’s something we have to learn to live with how I don’t know. Most people say time and talking
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You really are strong arent you ? Im not as strong as you. We are all different and somehow have to find a way through this … theres no wrong or right way i don’t suppose 
just keep them close to us … my bereavment counsellor said that to me ! Keep them as close as possible to our hearts - makes it easier to bear … xxx
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I lost my husband nearly 9 months ago suddenly and unexpectedly. He was 53 years old. Thought we would grow old together and had years to travel places that we wanted to go to. Some days are easier and other days are not so good. I miss my husband very much and think about him all the time imagining that this has all been a massive mistake. I’m in Norway with my parents and have met a lot of people who have lost their spouses. Some recent and some many years ago. One lady told me to not look into the future as we can’t control the future or the past as we sadly know. X
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Don’t be hard on yourself, and don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s very difficult and it is early days for you. Just carry on day by day, and you will find things just get that bit easier. You’ll learn new ways and you can never forget, but we don’t have a choice. It’s tough, but don’t let life get you down, you really never know what’s around the corner. Just focus on today, don’t worry about what may or may not happen in the future. The here and now (today) is what you need to fight on with. We know they are hopefully still around, willing us on and still (I believe) seeing us and feeling us in spirit. Their love is unconditional. Do her proud. xxx
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You are strong, just in a different way. We are all different, on different journeys and we are all left in different situations which we have to navigate how best we can.
I often say that I am lucky, absolutely not for having lost my love but there are people on here who are left is very difficult places and have much more difficult situations to navigate.
My partner looked after me in life and in death and I’m very grateful. He always said if anything happened to him, not to worry , I would be ok. All I have to navigate, is life without him, that he couldn’t sort for me.
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Trying to take it one day at a time but all I keep doing is looking ahead to all the dread and loneliness to come, Xmas without my Julie, holidays we will never have together. I can’t imagine in my worse nightmare the pain to come, I always thought I was a strong person emotionally but this has totally destroyed me,
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Stop looking ahead. Stop focusing on tomorrow and beating yourself up. Today is all that matters. No-one ever knows what is around the corner, so don’t focus on next week, or next month. You’ll just end up thinking ahead, and making things worse for yourself. Just take it day by day. Only by taking it a day at a time is what gets you through. Stay strong. xxx
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I could never look ahead without serious pain so I stopped. I literally focused on the day I was on. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. My partner was there one minute living life, laughing having a great time and it was as if someone just switched him off. His life ended in a minute. So I focused only on the day I was on.
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@Wayne2 I totally get it, 9 weeks for me and I cannot see into the future. Still taking each day as it comes, it’s all so hard. I’m better in the days but the nights are so so hard. I can’t imagine what the future holds for me, I guess a life of sadness and tears? Can’t see anything changing from the here and now, I’m so sad.
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Definitely… none of us even know if we’ll be here tomorrow (sorry for the negative note!), but it’s true. Focus on today only. Whatever we are left with in this life, remember we matter. As they say ‘be kind to yourself’. xx
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Hi really feel for you, I’m the same the nights sat all alone are becoming so hard, I’m dreading the long dark nights to come, I know everyone says one day at a time but, just sat here now all alone makes me cry, don’t know how this sadness will ever go always, just don’t know how I will ever come to terms with my wonderful wife not by my side.
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