If a friend told me they were sad I would bring flowers to them. If they couldn’t sleep I’d drop relaxing bubble bath and some kalms around. I’d drop a card saying thinking of you. I’d knock on their door and give them a cuddle and not talk about their sadness just distract them with laughter for a few hours. I’m a happy person. Then one of my best friends died. And now I’m sad. All the time. No one cares. No one bothers with me. I never cry. But now I’m always crying when I’m out. Yet no one seems to notice. I lost so much when she died. I feel so unloved (apart from my amazing kids who cuddle me constantly) but everyone else makes me feel like I’m not worth caring about. And before anyone says the love of ur kids is enough. It is. But my mum and dad were horrible parents and I’ve now lost my best friend and 2 other best friends of 15 years and at 39 am having to start my life again. Can’t burden my kids with sadness. My husband doesn’t help. Ignores me. I feel so alone it’s unreal.
Hey,
first of all you I am so sorry to hear you have endured such loss in your life. You are never ever ever alone, emotions like grief have a funny little knack for making us feel alone though don’t they.
I lost my best friend a few months ago also, and I know what you mean when you say you feel like you’ve lost a piece of yourself. I know she definitely took part of me with her, but that’s okay, if there’s anyone I want to have it its her, that way we can kind of be together in some quirky little way forever.
What’s helped me after absorbing the initial shock, is to begin to fully accept not only the situation, but that I as an individual will never be the same after such a life changing event. Just know that how you are feeling is a completely normal reaction to an abnormal situation, this isn’t something that happens everyday remember, so please be gentle with yourself.
As silly as it sounds, you deserve to honour yourself, your feelings and your strength during this horrible turbulent time in your life.
Buy yourself the flowers, run that bubble bath, treat yourself to a little something you enjoyed before your loss, acknowledge that you are processing something massive and at times completely incomprehensible, and it doesn’t matter if you cry, scream, lie in bed all day, anything is okay. Take all the time you need, patience with myself and how I have been reacting to my grief is something that has helped a teeny bit along the way so far.
Although little things like flowers and bubble baths don’t fix things like this and never will, it is important to be kind to yourself I’ve found.
Well done for joining this community, just know that we care if you feel like nobody else does, but you may find people do care a whole lot more than it seems, they just don’t have a clue how to help. Sometimes it takes someone who knows what you’re going through to make you feel like you’re not alone. Just a message away <3 hope this kinda helped xx
Hi there -
I’m not sure if this helps but I read once that people have different love languages and they show love in different ways, so when yours is giving little gestures someone else’s might be making a coffee or going shopping etc - it’s really frustrating when you have a burning inside of you that people are missing the mark of - but the previous suggestion of knowing life is going to be different and starting to do things differently could help as it’s such a personal thing and I’ve found from reading lots of experiences on this page is everyone loves and grieves differently
Much love