Honest post. Feeling really really low today. Having relationship difficulties as tensions are high since my mum passed away. Today i should of been out with my friends but I decided not to. Half of me couldn’t be bothered to shower and do my makeup. The other half of me doesn’t know what fun is anymore. Today is the first day I have felt angry towards other people. I have watched people’s social media out having fun on the bank holiday including my friends. I feel so bitter and I don’t care admitting it. How are people having so much fun and I feel so horrific. I used to be the life and soul and always the 1 person up for doing things, the holidays the lot. I resent this life I now am leading. I resent how I am feeling, I resent other people including my friends for being able to go out and have fun today or any day because they don’t have a dead mum. Is this how it is now??? I just hate my life and would do anything to go back in time. I am REALLY TRYING. I DONT WANT TO FEEL LIKE THIS.
Sending you lots of love this evening. It’s an isolating club I’m learning. Don’t give up. We all have good days and bad and it’s important we recognise how we are feeling like you are doing. Go and put on some music, make yourself a nice meal and try looking at things you’re blessed with. I hope you have someone you can talk to. X
Thank you. I do have people to talk to but my relationship is facing its own difficulties now and I’m concerned it will fail. My mum was my confidant and I don’t have her any more. I just feel at a loss. I’m angry that my mum lost everything too soon. I’m angry that I have to carry my pain for the rest of my life and I’m trying to figure out who I am. I don’t see the light at the moment 
currently still waiting for bereavement counselling I am feeling desperate
I can feel your pain and anguish. It really is too much and I’m so sorry. It’s not fair you have to handle all this loss and grief and pain. To lose not only your mother but what sounds like your best friend and confidante is heartbreaking. Please know you really are not alone. Have you thought about finding grief groups near you or chatting to your GP about the situation. I know MIND helped me in lockdown ( not with grief , as it hadn’t happened yet) but they were very quick and very supportive X sending love and light to you
I know how you feel after losing my mother. I was close to my parents. if and when you are in such distress, do something stressless and simple. walk, go to the zoo, buy flowers, read the newspaper at the library … anything to release the distress but without having to fake laugh for other people. when I was grieving, other people who were happy were not good for me to be around. grief groups helped a lot as I was with people who felt as I did, in pain and bewilderment. 
er1111, I don’t think the pain ever really goes away and there’s always something that can remind us of our loss but I guess you have to live with it and not let it overtake your life. I’m sure your mom would want you to move on after a time, never forgetting her of course. I don’t know if you have or intend to have kids but if so your mom would be delighted to have grandkids, don’t you think? In a way, I think this would be a tribute to her and her life. So although right now it’s very difficult to move on, I think in the longer term you need to if only to make any sense out of why she brought you into this life. Think of the things you could tell your kids about mom. In this way, she can never really die. It’s only when somebody is completely forgotten that that can happen.