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Thanks so much for sharing. It’s so comforting knowing that other people really understand.
Sue
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Hello all. It is understandable how we all feel, the reason, undying love. Its been three and a half years since my wife passed away in front of me, after six years of severe illness, and having to look after her 24/7. My feelings now are the same as it was then. She was buried in our local church cemetery to which i attend daily. Still looking after her.
Facing each day without her, still hurts. I have times i dont want a carry on, but, then, i see my little granddaughter, and i have to carry on.
Tears well up daily, not just from sadness, but from the joy of a memory, or seeing out and about, other couples hand in hand, families ect. and remember the good times. Dont think it will ever stop , thats what love is.
Theres no simple pill to take, to make it all go away. And if there were, i wouldnt want one. I loved her to much to want to forget her. To most of us on here, they were our lives, and im a firm believer we will meet up again with our loved ones when our time comes.
…John
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Hi John I have just come across your message and feel compelled to reply. So much love and devotion. Still going to the cemetery to look after her. I bet you have a chat with her.
Please don’t talk of not wanting to carry on, this is so sad. I have always maintained that life is a precious gift and no matter what is thrown at us we must take care of it.
Seeing couples walking hand in hand or just being together is painful. They belong to someone.
I love your attitude at not wanting to forget her and I feel the same about my husband. A good kind man that deserves to be remembered and still loved. The hurt and pain is the price we pay for love I’m afraid. Don’t be afraid of the tears, they are your tribute to your wife and I no longer connect them with sadness but a showing of my love and respect for a good man. Treasure your granddaughter if she gives you the strength to carry on.
Take care of yourself John
xxxx
Hi John, how are you? My thoughts are with you today, be strong and take care
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Hi ladies, thanks for replying and your concerns. You all have hearts of gold. Yes, i do chat to her Pattidot, telling her the days news on me, and the family ect. Never missed a day, come whatever the weather. Im not the only one either. Another chap visits his late wife daily, since before i started three years ago. Always stays standing, for at least half hour, hanky in hand, wiping the tears away, very quiet man, but when i spoke to him, he said his wife passed after terrible battle with Cancer.
I can still hear and see my Ann in my mind at home. Family and friends are always amazed how well the home looks,( being a man i suppose). I was well trained Lol. even when she was unable to talk, she would point at things i hadn’t noticed, Like cobwebs, carpets, kitchen floor, ect. Sat in her wheelchair, she would show me how to cook things, writing instructions on her pad. I try to keep to her standard.
I recently found an entry in one of her many diaries she kept, stating, " If the shoe was on the other foot, and John had this disease, it would break my heart". well, it certainly broke mine.
I think we`d all agree, life can be so unfair and cruel at times.
Stay safe…John
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Dear Sue
It was good to see your post, because it could have been written by myself. Everything you say, I have felt and feel. Even the title of your post is something I say all the time. It is the strongest thing I feel - that I’m pointless. I cared for my husband for four years before he died. He had a terrible neurological disease, and suffered dreadfully. I gave him my all, but I couldn’t save him. He died two years ago, and I feel no better now than I did then. I have no family or children and the friends around me have dried up. Like you, I have alienated myself from people, because all I want is him. They are not him, so I never accepted their invites. If I do have to see people, I try to hide my complete despair, because I feel a failure for not being ‘better’ by now. I can’t see how I can ever be better because I miss him every moment.
I’m aware in writing all this that I’m not saying anything positive to you. I guess I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone in everything you feel, because it’s all the same for me. I often wish I had a garden to get lost in, or I even think of getting a rescue dog. I watch dog rescues on YouTube and they have helped because they make me feel that I could perhaps give a little dog a happy life - in a way it’s like I would heal him, and perhaps he would heal me. I don’t know, because I probably wouldn’t be allowed one without a garden.
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Thank you John2 for talking about your little dog giving you a reason to get up each day. I have thought about getting a dog, but I have no garden so it probably isn’t fair. The emptiness of each morning and evening without my husband is truly unbearable.
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Hi Linda. For a fair bit of the time I seem to be coping until the awful realisation of not seeing her again hits me.
Like a lot of people going through similar it’s the evenings that are the worst plus when I try to make myself an evening meal and just sit by myself at the table.
What can you say when people ask you how you are?
There isn’t a way of describing how I’m feeling.
Then again they have their own lives to live and I certainly wouldn’t want to push my sadness on them.xx
It would be worth looking into. Some dogs don’t necessarily need a garden, just a walk and lots of love. I know for certain that BonnieBoo has helped me daily coping with the loss. X
I lost my husband just over 3 months ago and I feel just the same I find it hard to go out except for work. I feel like I am intruding on my friends especially if they have their partners I don’t let my children know how I really feel
he was my world and was taken too soon i had to care full time for him myself due to covid
and I was not with him when he passed away
which breaks my heart . I just feel like I can not carry on without him.
I think we all must feel the same way and I empathise completely with you, Sue and John.
My own story is that my wonderful husband of 47 years passed away very suddenly the Friday before lockdown. It was his 70 th birthday. He had caught a meningococcal infection & If I’m honest I’m still in shock, I just can’t believe I’ll never see him again.
.He never had a days illness in his life and was always there to help others and did everything he could to make my life easier. He was kind and loving and 6 months later I’m still in bits.We did almost everything together, we worked together and retired 7 years ago. We had a lovely life full of children, grandchildren and friends. Ok these are still there but I’m so aware of being the odd one out and going home to an empty house is hideous.
I know people think I’m very brave and a tough cookie but that is the me I want the world to see. Inside I’m a mess. Some days I just can’t see the point of anything . Mostly I’m just going through the motions.i keep busy, volunteering at the local hospital seeing friends and family. I never say no to anything or anyone.
I read somewhere you never get over it but you get better at dealing with it.
I think this forum is helpful in being able to unburden ourselves without getting on the nerves of our loved ones.
Stay strong everyone.
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Dear Formby50.
I am so sorry for your loss. You are much the same as me, and in fact, I could have written your post! I feel exactly like you do but have no answer to how to get out of it. I think your comment of dealing with it is about right. After all, we have no choice,
I have no wise words for you - I am going through the same as you, but i just wanted to tell you that i am sorry for your loss and that this site is very good for pouring out how we feel and someone will always answer,
Hugs, Ann
AnnR
Thank you . It means a lot that you responded.
Big hug to you too
X
Oh Eileen I am so sad reading your post. There really are no words to comfort you I’m afraid.
Grief truly is the most hideous thing , I understand completely how you’re feeling . It has been 6 months for me , somehow I got some comfort this morning writing my story, a little cathartic perhaps. I guess when you love someone as much as I did and obviously you too it’s a normal thing to feel wretched.
Sending you a big hug
Jenny
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Hi @Jacqui2, I am so sorry about the loss of your dear husband, it must be awful having an empty home, my mum now lives alone and I hate it, as she really misses my dear dad. And as @John2 says, some dogs don’t necessarily need a garden if they get lots of attention and walks. My former landlady’s best friend has a dog, he lives in a flat with no garden but is able to take it out a lot, plus he is unemployed so is always at home with the dog. However, if you think it might be too much of a responsibility at the moment, have you considered getting a rescue cat? I love cats but sadly I cannot have any pets in my current home, but I had a cat in my previous place, and they make such loving companions despite the bad reputation they often get of being selfish. Maybe this is an option for you if you think it might help you?
Whatever you decide, I hope it helps you. Take care.