No Point

Another day. Again, I awaken to face the realisation that I am alone.
The constant repetition on the forum of the mantra “You are not alone” just doesn’t work. Eileen was everything, everything, and without her there is nothing for me.

I know that family worry for me, and dogs depend on me: for them I have a duty to carry on, it’s what she would have wanted me to do, but what I want to do is to join her.

Hello Edwin. I’m sorry to hear your are struggling. My Aunt has just died at the age of 98 and over the past few years she often said to me that she was ready to die and hoped it was soon as she was struggling to live. She had medical and physical problems. When my wife was with me it was difficult to hear my aunt say that as my wife was desperate to live and it she knew her life was precious. I’m in no hurry to die and hopefully I could live well until I’m 98. I’m a humanist and so I have no notion of joining my wife. I don’t like being alone and I don’t find things easy. It’s only 94 days since my wife died and I expect to carry my grief with me for ever but maybe the nature of it will change over time. Before she died my wife told me to make the most of whatever life I had left and that I had everything I needed to do that. Obviously there is one major thing missing. I feel that she would really have wanted me to get on with building a new life and I feel it would be almost disloyal we’re I to fail. I can only take small steps at the moment but I feel to be heading in the right direction. I went away and stayed in a hotel last week for 3 nights and having survived the experience I’ve booked three more similar breaks, two of which are in hotels which we used regularly. I must admit that I’m beginning to scare myself with my approach but I think it can become a self fulfilling prophecy if one thinks and worries about the future too much. I’m not advocating that my approach is right for everybody, or even anybody else, but at the moment it seems to be helping me. I wish you strength.

Hi Edwin. You are grieving, nothing makes sense or has any pleasure.
If for no other reason, look after your dogs and yourself for your wife’s beloved memory. I wish for you that time will ease your acute pain.
The ‘you are not alone’ is a cliche of course but it is true…putting your thoughts down, sharing them, may help others who are grieving and also in time, will be comforting to you. Keep reading and posting Edwin. Don’t stop…

Being alone after many years of being together is painful. I am in that position at the moment, and although my wife is in a home she is not able to speak and I doubt she realises I am there. This loneliness has been going on for some months and, yes, it is difficult. I am not a Humanist and I do believe that death is not the end, but everyone to their own opinion. It’s what gives you some comfort that matters. People have been so kind and helpful and my rather small faith in humanity has been restored. It’s amazing that it takes a crisis for us to help one another. We should be doing it all the time. It may be that in our loneliness we may find someone who needs help, and one of the most important things about suffering is that you obtain empathy for others in a like situation. No one can know how you feel without having been there. Very best wishes.

After my losses, I feel the same. I just wanted to leave here and go be with them, though I am not sure anymore if there is a there.

It seems that every single person who has died, related to those on this board, would have wanted these survivors to go on, and make the best of it. but that is a tall order.

how you feel is understandable. it is not fun being left here, alone.

but I think one day things will be better. and also, we will all join them, one day. when you feel better, you might start thinking that you might as well spend your days … like burning through your money in the bank … because it will end, one day, and at least you made the most of it. you might be proud in the end, you stuck it out.

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