No relief from grief

Do we as Human Beings ever get some relief from the feeling of loss or just learn to live with it in pain? I am still trying to deal with the death of my Dad who died nearly 3 years ago. My Dad had a good life and lived to be 91, so I have nothing to complain about really in terms of his lifespan and time on this Earth, and realise how lucky I was, but sometimes I just can’t accept it. its like a hole that can’t be filled or a vacuum of emptiness that’s left behind. I find My head is just full of memories of him and though they may be nice memories its so frustrating and I wish I could go back to the past and relive life with him and my Mom as well. Its drives me mad as all I seem to be wishing is that I was in another time and place with the dead. Sometimes I think I’m going crazy as I have dreams about them as well. My Memories I find are bittersweet and at times I’m struggling with my grief and my Photos of them as well. I would just to know other peoples views and coping mechanisms in dealing with these things. Sometimes I feel so helpless and wonder if my level of grief and obsession with the past is in fact mentally unhealthy.


Dear @Robt1

I apologise for the delay in replying to you.

Grief unfortunately has no time limits and everyone reacts differently from months to years. Grief is a process.

Just be gentle with yourself, grieve at your own pace. The following information may be of support to you and it is a Grief Self-Help Service which Sue Ryder introduced earlier on in the year. It will help you understand and cope with your bereavement and and grief.

You are not alone, please continue to reach out here any time.

Take Care.


Hi Robt1,

My dad died from metastatic lung cancer almost 12 years ago now (August 2010). I think about him a lot. My grief has sort of grown around the hole he left in my life so that his memory is now part of me.
More recently my mum died (March 2021) closely followed by my husband (August 2021). Both had major chronic illnesses. Mum missed my dad hugely. She was in a lot of physical pain and also quite lonely so I had a different reaction to her death than to dad’s. I miss her terribly but I just imagine that they are reunited as she had hoped although I am still processing various regrets and remorse.
My reaction to my husband’s death is complex and on-going. It has fundamentally changed who I am. Sometimes I feel our 47 years together (all my adult life) was all a dream and I struggle to remember details. I look at photos to jog my memory which can sometimes be very painful and sometimes makes me smile. I talk to them all the time in my head, and sometimes out loud. As far as I’m concerned they are still with me. I imagine what they would say to me so in many ways they are just part of me and who I am.

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