No words to explain

Three weeks since my partner was suddenly snatched. I’ve to go to one of his family members birthday tea tomorrow and all I want to do is sit in our home and feel close to him. They are all very practical and obviously grieving too but it’s all talk of how they are going on holidays or doing this or that. My world has crumbled and is falling through my fingers every hour.
I’ve had an email today that his company are going to give a memorial’s award out in his name on their annual dinner, which is completely lovely and is a comfort to know so many thought so highly of him.
I’m worried that I will have to go back to work too soon because I have now taken on all the bills and I’m not even sure if sick pay will cover them all. He was my support in everything.
I had to go to the shop before and felt so rude to people trying to talk to me. I just wanted to run away from them.
The people checking in on me has dwindled and I’m spending more and more time sat on my own. Which I don’t mind as I almost think it’s a way of holding on.
We’re still waiting on postmortem results as it wasn’t straightforward. They had to send whole organs (sorry I know it’s grim) to be tested which I was told is super rare. But in turn this could help should anything be hereditary. I’m rambling again sorry. Much love to you all x

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Kelly met
We are all here listening to you. I hope the post-mortem results are available soon. Big hugs to you.

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@Kellymet
The waiting for results can be so draining. I hope you get some answers. Sending love xxx

The hospital weren’t sure whether they needed one for my husband and couldn’t get hold of the Dr who declared death to ask. Richard had been under the care of a friend who was a Dr from becoming Ill on the football pitch so it was possible they may not have needed one. It was my brother who mentioned that it could be worth knowing if it had been anything which could be hereditary, which made me ask for one anyway.

I was glad I did as it showed that my darling had atheroma - furring of the arteries - then a coronary embolus. Richard was slim, fit and strong and we had no idea he had any risk of heart disease as his well person check two years before showed no increased risk and no high cholesterol.

I am the sort of person who would rather know than not.
xxx

@KarenF I do feel I have to know. We had gone private in august as he had a ‘funny do’ but no doctor was concerned. He was meant to have a 7 day ECG but that failed after 24 hours. They didn’t reset it and do it again. They also did an MRI that in the doctors words showed something but they didn’t know what. We were so confused as we were sent away and advised to take a beta blocker. When speaking with his GP they were also confused as to why. They did a CT scan at the local hospital to then be told they did they scanned the wrong bit. There is a referral letter to re do the scan. This seemed to be the end of all investigations. Nobody was worried or concerned. He was a 47 year old healthy man. I ask myself all the time if stress from work could have brought it on or well I don’t know. Just looking for answers as to why I now have to endure life without him. He was far from ready to go. Xx

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@Carol9 thank you for taking the time to reply to my outpouring. I really do appreciate it x

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@Kellymet too many unanswered questions there I’m sure and yes, way too young to be lost.
Hugs xxx

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Hello
I’m so sorry for your loss
It’s horrendous what you are going through right now
I understand you want answers but they will not bring him back
My husband died suddenly he was only 49
Like you I wanted to know why
I blamed myself could I had prevented him dying - The answer is no

My mum would say you are born with so many heart beats
I really think that’s true
It didn’t help me hating the world
Missing him every single minute of the day still do

Don’t do anything that you feel your not up to it
You are allowed to grieve
I was like you off work no money in shock the love of my life gone then having to worry about all the bills but if you just inform them they will support you even if it’s only for a wee while

You will be surprised how you manage to cope with all this turmoil
Tiny steps at a time
I do hope you get the answers you want

Take care
Xx

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Hi @Kellymet. I really think if you don’t feel up to going to the birthday tea then don’t go! Surely they will understand and if they don’t that’s there problem not yours. This early on in your grief the main person to worry about and take care of is YOU. Don’t be pushed into doing anything you can’t cope with right now. My husband has been gone almost thirteen weeks and although the initial shock and horror has abated slightly, there are still things I can’t cope with and have no intention of trying until I’m good and ready. I was completely overwhelmed by everything when it happened but I did one significant thing each day (contacting pension people etc) and that was enough. It gets done eventually. We also had to wait for PM results and it’s a very harrowing time wondering what happened and whether there will be any nasty surprises. I’m so very sorry for your loss and never apologise for rambling on here. That’s what we are for and we will always listen. Big cuddle to you. Jean xx.

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Kellymet

Its so much to cope with isnt it, you just feel shell shocked, Im a few more weeks down the line, 14, and i can say reading your message, it brings it all back. Those early weeks are hell. I can say from my experience it is a little easier for me now, it was when i hit the 3 month mark. Dont get me wrong its still overwhelming and lonely but its becoming my new normal and i have a few better days or hours now.
I wish you the strength to just try and look after yourself a bit, dont go anywhere that you dont feel up to. Just tackle 1 thing a day if you cant manage more and try and lean on friends and family.

Jane xx

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Sending love - sounds so difficult. Thinking of you

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Thinkong of you at this really difficult time… like you iI had to wait an age for the post mortem results so can understand how you feel with that. Be kind to yourself and do what helps, not what hurts if you can. If you are able and want to go to the family do, go with someone and keave when it feels right for you, you dont even have to go. Sending you big hugs, well done for posting something we are all with you x

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You are not rambling my luv all you are feeling seems very familiar.Please if i can give you any direction just don’t isolate it gives us so much time to ruminate and before you know it stepping out of the house is an ordeal…I understand the financial problems when my chap died i had to sell our home and that was another bereavement in itself.We should have been more prepared but that’s hindsight. Keep talking if you can and i am sending positive thoughts

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