Not being able to grieve for my dad

I feel in an impossible situation, in when I try and grieve for my dad my wife says I am selfish.
Friday I picked up dads ashes and just spent the day going to places he liked to go.
My wife has been in a mood with me since Friday and if I even have 1 drink she says im drinking to much.

Sorry you feel that way my dad was found dead on Thursday I couldn’t get through this without my partner hope your being kind to yourself

Sorry for your loss, god bless you

1 Like

Hi Shana276 I think you and your wife need to have a proper chat about what YOU need and when you lose someone so close you NEED to grieve and be selfish otherwise if you have to bottle it up you will never get over it. To need time alone to cry think or have a bottle of wine is sometimes what we need and our nearest and dearest should be able to support us in that if you can make them understand what you are feeling. Has she lost anyone close to her- maybe she feels your Dad means more to you than her which at the time of a loss they maybe do because you have that huge void that only that person could fill - nobody else can do that and you need time to fill that void with your memories and other things. I hope that you can make her see you are not being selfish but need time to come to terms with your loss. Even if is was an expected loss (you do not say) it is no less painful - I know I lost my mum on 20th Dec and am still struggling massively. Talk to her with a third party present if necessary. Thinking of you and sorry for your loss

Hi there. So sorry to hear you are struggling. I agree with the above post that you need to maybe have a discussion with your partner about your feelings and how you need to grieve. I think with grieving you are allowed to be selfish in some ways, as long as you arent building a wall around yourself and hurting anyone in the process then its perfectly natural. Theres no rulebook to grieving and everyone does it in different ways, maybe some form of councilling will help, either solo or in a couple to air it out a bit with an unbiased person who is looking for both your best interests. I hope you will both find a way to communicate more about the subject soon and wish you all the best in this horrible time xxx

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