Not being here sometimes seems the best option

I know this is a tabu subject, 5 months ago I lost the love of my life my husband, we have 2 kids together.
He was my rock my everything, I’ve always had a anxious disposition but he would help with it so much, he’d help me see things in a different light, calm me and console me. No one else I know can help me like this, I obviously miss him in general and all that we had.
As I’m grieving things seem miles worse in general, every day life just seems to be one thing after another piling on top of worries and stresses. Making me more stressed and very very low. Some times I feel that if I wasn’t here anymore that would be an easier way out as then I wouldn’t have all this stress. It just feels like life is too much for me that I don’t fit in here I find it all too hard. I’ve felt this way before, I felt it when my husband was poorly for the last too years as it was all too stressful then . I have never done anything as I love my kids and thats whats keeping me here. But some times it just seems like a relief option. I’ve started antidepressants 2 days ago to see if they can help me just a shame have to wait 6 weeks for them to kick in . I just wondered if anyone else feels the same?

Hi sheepdog, I understand exactly how you feel and honestly I think so many of feel the same, grieving is hard and horrible. We find ourselves alone with all the worries and no one to share them with, it’s hard. You will get through this, I know you will and posting on here will help, just knowing others are feeling the same. Your children will keep you going because they are now even more dependent on you and it’s their future you must concentrate on. In some ways you are living your life through them. It takes time to learn how to live without your soulmate and life will never be the same but you can look to the future with hope. Keep safe and look after yourself. S xx


Hello Sheepdog
You could have written that for me, I am in the same place you are. Lost my husband in July, he was my world. I have thought many times it would be a relief just not to be here any more, at times it is just too much to bare & completely overwhelming. I also have anxiety which started when my husband became ill, as time has gone on since his passing I have been slowly sinking deeper & deeper into despair. I also started antidepressants a week ago & yes it seems they take weeks to take effect, I hope for both our sakes they give us some relief, the thought of having to carry on living like this is unbearable.
Sue x


Hi sheepdog.
Yes I feel exactly the same. I think What is the point anymore . Anti depressants did not work for me, hope they do for you. I am just plodding on waiting for what ever. No plans, no hopes, just getting through the day and waiting . Nothing stays the same, things always change , we must just get on with it as best we can. Some day we might get used to this new world we are in. I suppose it’s still early days and we must be patient.
Take care jss

Hi Jss
Can I ask what you mean by the anti depressants didn’t work? I have been on them now for just over 2 weeks & I don’t feel any better at all. Feel like cr@p today, woke myself up at 4am shouting help! I was dreaming about him again, talking to him & telling him all the things I had to do that would normally be his jobs & how I was struggling to face doing them when all of a sudden he started to die again in front of me & that’s when I woke up shouting for help.
I am so sick of feeling like this, every day is a struggle having to force myself to do anything & if I don’t do things then I feel guilty about it. Please let this end soon, one way or another. I can’t take much more. Feel a nervous wreck all the time, feel sick all the time & my heart is pounding constantly. It’s a living hell.

Hi keskai I have taken anti depressants in the past but have had to go on very high doses for them to work for me, then reduce them over time. They would take at least 6 weeks to work for me and sometimes you can feel worse before you feel better. This time the doctor was not happy for me to go on a high dose as I am getting older. I just felt worse after a few weeks , how can I say it , having suicidal thoughts when you already feel you have nothing left to live for is not good so stopped them and decided I would try other things. I have not taken them before when I have been grieving so I think the grieving side of things makes it more complicated.
They work for lots of people and if one type does not work or the side effects are too bad there are many other types to try. As I say I usually had to wait 6 weeks to notice an improvement with me but most people I think 2-4 weeks . I would give it a bit longer if you can but if it’s making you feel worse maybe discuss it with your doctor, you should not suddenly stop taking them tho. I hope your doctor said for you to go back after a few weeks to see how you were getting on with them anyway, that’s usually what happens.
Take care jss

Thank you very much for your reply.