Not coping after losing my husband

My husband died suddenly of a heart attack on 24th May, two days after his 53rd birthday. He was at his late mum’s house, clearing it out as it had just sold. He dropped dead with no warning and they couldn’t bring him back. I had been texting back and forth with him all day, chatting. I had made his dinner and was just waiting on him coming home, but he never did. Trying to deal with all the paperwork and speak to all these companies mid-lickdown has been horrendous, but I’m finding it even worse now that things are mostly sorted and now my mind is finding time to think, and I’m not coping very well. I’m by myself, I don’t have close friends or family nearby and don’t know the neighbours well. We used to keep ourselves to ourselves and we enjoyed each other’s company. Evenings are the worst for me. The house just feels so empty without him. I’m getting up in the morning and going back to bed at night, and everything in between is just going through the notions.

Hi Stephj, so sorry you lost your lovely husband and you find yourself on here. I also lost my husband to a sudden heart attack so I know the shock and disbelief you went through. You seem to automatically switch to autopilot till all the arrangements and paperwork is done then after that it sinks in you are on your own and we tend to go over everything again and again. We are grieving not only for our husbands but for the future we thought we would have together which has gone in the blink of an eye. It’s very early days for you, been 8 months for me now and I remember when I was at the stage you are at. I didn’t want to get up in the morning and could not wait to get to bed at night as sleep was the only respite from the pain. I can’t tell you it will get better as I am not there myself yet and lockdown has not helped isolating us from others. All I can say is take it moment by moment, be kind to yourself, do nothing you don’t want to do. Stick with the Forum we all understand exactly how you feel and what you are going through, the support on here is amazing and you will make friends who you can relate to. Sending you a hug :revolving_hearts:

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Hi MrsColt, thank you. It’s so true. It’s not just all the things we did in the past, the memories that I cry for, but all the shattered future plans we had, too.

I know, it’s horrible thinking about all the years ahead on our own. All the things we will never do again with them :sob: we just need to try and get through the days as best we can and hope to eventually see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel.

I pick up his ashes on Friday. I’m desperate to have him home, but part of me is dreading collecting the ashes, at the same time. I also bought my own urn, so will have to transfer the ashes myself. The undertakers said they would only transfer the ashes if I bought one of their urns.

Hi sorry for your loss. I brought my own urn for my husbands ashes the funeral director did this for me they should do it for you. X

Once you have him at home you will feel better, I know I did. I have the majority of Colin’s ashes in a scatter tube but I have some in a little mini urn and I had a necklace made with some as well. That’s not nice the funeral director would not transfer your husband’s ashes because you did not buy the urn from there, that is not good practice :angry:

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I asked their advice on what size of urn I needed and they replied sendung me a link to the urns they had and said “the advantage of buying one from us, is we will transfer the ashes for you”. My hubby loved woodworking, and I wanted to buy him a beautiful solid wood urn, but they did not have anything through the undertaker that he would have liked. I felt they were trying to pressure me in to buying from them. It was quite upsetting, really.

I can’t believe how insensitive they are. I went through the co op told them I brought my own urn they transferred Micks ashes for me and even separated some for jewellery for my kids and scatter some with his parents they put them in a beautiful black velvet bag. Hope your doing ok x I brought a wood urn it’s beautiful not that I want it to be

I just phoned the undertakers to fix a time to collect his ashes on Friday. He asked if I had sourced an urn and I said yes. He then talked me through how to decant the ashes in to the urn, including saying “Just make sure you don’t spill any. You don’t want to have to be scraping it up”. I’m so upset at him saying this to me.

Omg that’s awful, so insensitive, obviously he hasn’t experienced this awful pain. I don’t know whats wrong with him , you’d think he would know better dealing with the bereaved.
I’m so sorry, I would complain, but it’s so hard when we feel utterly devastated.
Thinking of you x

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Omg I’d actually report them how disgusting if your not going through enough xx

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I’m so sorry to hear that is so unprofessional and clearly disgusting im sorry your having to deal with these heartless disgraceful excuses of human beings im so sorry for your loss x

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I’ve had so much to try and deal with since my husband’s death. Everything has been 100 times harder as he didn’t have a will, plus everywhere is on lockdown, closed or working from home. As much as I hate what he said, I just can’t stand any more. Just want to bring him home then curl up in to a ball and wait it out until I join him.

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I understand you want to curl up in a ball and shut the world out and never wake up, a lot of us feel that, especially at the beginning when it’s all so raw. We’re hoping we’re going to wake up from this nightmare. My husband didn’t have a Will either, so it’s been months going through a solicitor, which is so hard when we’re at our lowest, all the phone calls, and everything else to deal with aswell, the amount of times I broke down on the phone trying to explain everything and everyone wanting the death certificate it’s all a nightmare.
I’m eight months on, it’s still hard, I can’t lie, but talking to people on here has been a life saver and I’ve made some lovely friends and we all help each other through.
There’s always someone here to listen.
Sending a hug
Steph x

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My husband did not leave a will every thing going to probate inheritance tax etc etc it’s a battle I started all that 2 months ago not heard anything like to say there working from home could take months. Hope you find a little peace if that’s the right word when your husband comes home x

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It’s awful isn’t it the times you have to go over it forms etc does it ever stop. I’m making a will they said to me you have to take your husband off the title deeds it’s like I’m erasing him from everything xx

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@Kim5 it is horrendous, isn’t it. :heart:

Yes, my lawyer mentioned that to me. In one way, I am very lucky. I work for a law firm, so have been getting fre advice… Otherwise you have the added fear of more bills and financial burdens :sweat:

I hate it that their names are erased from everything, like they’ve never existed. I’ve still got Tim’s name on the gas bill that is paid online, I haven’t done that yet as I still need to see his name, it’s so hard :cry: x