Not coping at all

I started posting when John died and replies letting me know I was not alone did help at the time. But it has been ten weeks yesterday since my lovely John died and this is the worst day I’ve had. I have been trying to convince myself that I was coping but have had to admit it’s not true -today getting up was a real struggle I can’t stop shaking and crying. I summoned up enough courage yesterday to look at photographs but that made thing worse. I just feel I can’t try to go on anymore.-

Samantha, my heart goes out to you.
We try our hardest to try and get through each day, and convince ourselves we can do it, but the pain and emptiness is always there every single minute .
Looking at photos, does seem to make things worse for me aswell as it reminds us of happy times and that hurts even more . This morning I realised it’s the 1st of may, so feel more upset as time is constantly moving on without him.
I wish I could try and help and take away everyone’s pain, all I can say is , try to look after yourself, don’t think to far, keep posting on here, to be in touch with people that are in the same situation, just helps, it has helped me so much. It’s been six months for me
Thinking of you
Steph xx

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Hello Samantha,

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having such a difficult day. Ten weeks is such a short amount of time, so it’s understandable that you’re struggling to cope. You mention that you don’t feel you can try to go on anymore, which sounds really difficult and overwhelming.

I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area. Please be aware that GPs and support services are not currently offering face-to-face appointments, but will usually be offering telephone or online alternatives.

You deserve care and support so please, Samantha, get in touch with one of these services.

If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Take care,
Eleanor

Thank you for your understanding. I’ve realised why today is so bad for me - memories… John filmed all the English folk traditions and on May Day would have been in Padstow - the place he loved best - for the Obby Oss even though it can’t happen this year because of lockdown the day has affected me. I have no family so being in touch with people who can understand helps.
Samanthaxx

Hello Eleanor
Thank you for all the advice, I managed to arrange a local telephone counselling session three weeks ago which is some help. I have tried to get on to the Sue Ryder bereavement counselling but it will take my e-mail address but not accept my password and the promised e-mail telling me how to register a new one has never arrived.

Samantha

All the different dates through out the year are constant reminders of everything, the next thing for me is my wedding anniversary in July, I’m even thinking and dreading that day now and it’s a few months off .
Definitely try to keep posting on here, we can all share thoughts, feelings and memories, there’s always someone that will respond.
Don’t suffer on your own , we are here to listen .
Take care x

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Hello Samantha,

It’s good to hear that you’ve been able to arrange some telephone support and I hope that continues to be helpful and supportive.

The counselling service is separate from the community and there is a different registration process to create a counselling account. I wonder if that might be why your email isn’t being recognised. If you wanted to register for the service in the future or had any questions, you can get in touch with the team by email at online.counselling@sueryder.org.

Take good care,
Eleanor

Hello Jobar
Your story and feelings are so much like mine - thank you for sharing them with me.
Like you I ask each morning how am I going to manage another day but certain days do affect me more. Tuesday will be difficult. We spent years wanting to move from the Cambridge to the North - next week will be two years since we found the right house so finally got here. John loved being a Lancashire lad and had so many plans it is just so cruel he had so little time here. We had thirty five wonderful years together two of them married Both being only children and happy with our own company meant we did everywhere together now with no family and being a non driver I just can’t reconcile myself to what life will be like. After John died I bravely told myself I would be fine going to places we liked and see people he knew up here but now I don’t feel strong enough and as the lockdown goes on I see no-one and my confidence is ebbing daily.

Take care