It is early days for us. People say I’m putting alot of unnecessary pressure on myself, maybe I am, I try not to but that’s hard too. I’m hoping to be able to get back to work soon, after being signed off, just need help controlling my anxiety. Some of my colleagues still check in with me though, that’s been really good for me. You do need people, but invariably they go back to their lives, which is understandable. Like you say, unless they’ve experienced this kind of loss, it’s hard for them to fully understand. I hope you get out for a while. 
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Thinking of you Tom hope you find some good in the day.
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Hi @ABi2 and @LJ.G I do find that there are videos online that sometimes help me. I’ve just been watching a guy called David Kessler in youtube go on about grief and at least it makes me feel a bit validated - wishing you both a calm afternoon without too much pain https://www.youtube.com/shorts/NZyWaoxL3YQ
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Thank you LJ.G, I am going to take the dogs out for a walk and then give them a bath as I don’t know what they have done but they stink and I washed them a week ago!!!
Have a lovely quiet afternoon and recover a bit
Doesn’t stop raining!!
Wishing you a lovely afternoon
Tom
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Thank you and you try to get some peace too
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Hi Tom hope the rain stops soon the sun is trying to come out I’m go out can’t make my mind up the lonely days are terrible and there are to many of them at the moment have a good afternoon!
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Hi ABi2
I know exactly how you feel as I am feeling exactly the same way. My parents passed away a few months ago and I am devastated. I can’t feel anything but pain. I have tried going out even going to London. This only made matters much worse. I spent 63 years living with my parents. They lived healthy, took good care of themselves, lived simply, did not drink or smoke and went to Mass every Sunday and holy day. Yet they suffered a lot in the final two years of their lives. Even though I am Catholic I am giving up my faith. Don’t believe in God anymore. To think we won’t see our loved ones again is too unbearable to think about.
You are not alone and I totally understand how you feel. Have you tried counselling or group therapy. I know here in Ireland there are long waiting lists. The help is not there. The pain does ease a tiny bit with time but grief does not go away. I wish I could reach out to you and hug you but I can’t. I am in immense pain as well. Do take care of yourself. I do wish if everyone on here could meet up in a big room but I don’t think it’s possible. Regards Noreen
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Hi Noreen62
Hi just went for a quick walk feel a little better now horrible to come back to an empty house! I was thinking the same as you all meeting up would be good but no doubt impossible, I haven’t tried group therapy I don’t think it’s for me I’d rather one to one but looking into things ! Some are to far away I understand your pain it’s horrible but just keep telling yourself you will get through it there is no time span for us we all cope differently but we will get there! ,
By the age of 16 I had lost both my parents within 4yrs of each other I have also lost 4brothers 2sisters and 2nephews and my first born so I know what pain is but losing my husband I can’t deal with coming from a big family you go through a lot !
Hope you have a better day tomorrow!
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Hi ABi2
I spoke to you yesterday. Thanks for your lovely kind message. First of all I should have offered my sincerest condolences to you on the sad loss of her husband. I should have done this first before diving in to my own situation. Do hope that that you feel better. Thanks again. Take care Noreen
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Hi Oren 1962
You have nothing to apologise for I totally understand how you are feeling! We all do on this forum it’s good to get things out it’s the only way we can get through it! Hope you have a good day the sun is out here so that makes me feel better off to do a bit shopping later so at least I’m getting out of the house now m glad I found this forum it helps I hope it helps you too,
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Sorry to hear you struggling at the moment, all you’ve said are very normal feelings when losing someone so precious. It’s very early days for you too and it is very tough. Try to take one day at a time, and be kind to yourself and get as much rest as possible as I know tiredness made coping much worse for me. I got out and about as much as possible as being alone is very difficult. It’s 18 months since my husband/soulmate/ best friend passed, I am coping a little better now but still struggle with my loss and the loneliness it brings. I’m almost 70 and had been very happily married for almost 50 years. Since retiring we were together practically 24/7 and out and about daily. How I miss his company. I’m trying hard to rebuild my life and know it would be so easy to give up. Remember there are so many people in our position. I find coming on here helps reading others experiences and writing how I’m feeling. Sending you love, hope and strength 
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Hi Noreen, I ve just seen your post, sorry for your losses. I lost my dad when I was 16 and my mum 23 years ago. I’m now 7 months down the grief road following the sudden death of my lovely partner, together for nearly 40 years. I really understand your crisis of faith. I too was brought up a Catholic, my parents were from Donegal but I m in Scotland. I am so angry at God for taking him, he was a good person, lived a good life and had a lot to look forward to, at age 66 he was robbed of his life. I don’t really know what I believe anymore, I certainly have my doubts. My name’s Noreen as well, just use Norma as my handle.
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Hi Norma
Thanks so much for your lovely message. I am so sorry on the loss of your lovely partner. I just can’t understand why God takes the best. Having said that I do think our loved ones can see us or with us in some form. I did go to s medium in Limerick this time last year. He told me stuff about my late dad that nobody could have known. He did forcast the death of my mother to the exact date. However there are huge waiting lists for him. It’s a big change for you to lose your partner of forty years. It’s a huge chunk of your life. There is a writer in Ireland called Alice Taylor. She said that when she closed the lid on her husbands coffin a huge part of her went with him. You may be able to watch her on Video just for this part.
Take care and keep in touch.
Noreen
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