Not Coping Well...

I lost my wife of 25 years 4 weeks ago - I don’t have much support, we didn’t really have many friends, it was just us and our daughter but I felt I was doing ok for the first three weeks and getting a little better every day.

This last week though has been getting worse: annoyance/anger, feelings of anxiety and the grief seems getting worse. Not sleeping so well which doesn’t help.

I’m not sure what to do - I’ve had this time off work and not sure how much more I can have - I think this might have to do with the anxiety: I am not ready to go back to work (should I be?) but feel I have to next week. I am definitely not capable of working but not sure what to do? Is making me very stressed. And then there is the financial issue of it… it all feels like I’m suddenly plunged into a black hole all over again…

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4 weeks is not long at all. I a, not back at work yet and I am further down the line. I don’t think the reality even begins to dawn in the first few weeks. Speak to your GP - I had sleeping tablets just for a few nights when the exhaustion has got too much and they should be able to discuss about further sick notes. This is going to be a long ongoing journey so you need to take it steadily or you will crumble again quickly. Sending hugs to you and your daughter.

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Thanks Jules4, my heart goes out to you too. I haven’t seen a GP yet - work just gave me time off. Maybe I should see them?

I am not sure what my rights are tbh re work. Can I take more time? What about financial issues? I feel I have to go back but I am really not up to it.

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I guess that depends upon your contract and how much sick pay you get before statutory. It also depends on what your job is as to whether you feel you can do it - my brain is still an absolute fog, I can’t even begin to think about all of that yet. My GP was very understanding and could tell from talking to me each time that I was just not ready. Try talking to them and find out what you can. I still can’t believe that society thinks that grieving can be done in a couple of weeks and people can just ‘get on’. It might be right for a few people but not for many. Take care

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Do you know that you can get a bereavement payment as well - which should be larger as you have a dependent child? Look at the Government website- that could then help financially.

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As Jules4 has highlighted 4 weeks and the grief is still very raw. I would speak with your GP. Far better to take your time before a return to work. I would imagine if your employer was like mine then their HR department will be in touch at some point and they should advise you of your entitlements to sick leave etc.

Please do contact DWP regarding the Bereavement payments.

Most of all just take one day at a time.

Thinking of you and your daughter.

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I lost my husband of 43 years in febuary and i still have dark days this week as been really bad i have grown up kids but i still feel so alone we didnt have friends neither so i feel like i have no one im still on sleeping tablets

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My dear alchemist,
My heart goes out to you, sincerely.
Having lost my wife in March the hurdles placed in front of us are a constant grind. Personally I would contact the dwp and try supporting minds for your anxiety and grief. They are through the NHS. Have you tried your local hospice, a lot of the time they can steer you into any grief counciling.
I must admit I have certain issues of late that do seem to be popping their heads up like a whack a mole…
The unfortunate thing is no one can tell you what you should feel and what progress you should make along your new path.
But just a speck of compassion and consolement on here may help. At least the members on here have a small insight into your grief.

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