Not coping well.

Coping with bereavement
1

Hello, I just don’t know where to start, my Nan passed away last week and I am not coping well with it all.
She was 87 and passed suddenly last week, I was the one who found her as 17 years ago I left my life behind to come back to help look after her.
I had been going in daily to bring her food and do any little jobs etc she needed, and had only spoken to her the night before, when she didnt answer the phone I went to hers and found her in bed.

I did all the right things, phoned the ambulance gave a statement to the police and spoke with her doctor, but part of me is very angry. She had a serious form of blood cancer and had been having transfusions but never explained once that it was cancer, her doctor told me after.

I feel like I am being pushed out by other family members, who have taken over everything, funeral arrangements, clearing her house out, she had also changed her will that the funeral is family only and none of us knew this.

I feel very angry that she changed so much without telling us and I feel raked with guilt about feeling this anger.

I have barely slept and stress/anxiety always hits me in the stomach so I have been vomiting quite a lot and feeling I am constantly saying the same things over and over.

Does it get easier? I just feel so much in limbo.

2

Hi I lost a sister in similar circumstances who died from illness after chain smoking. None us knew she was ill til after she died. She also changed her will.

I was livid as I loved my sis and did a lot for her just as you did for your Nan. When this kind of thing happens it is very natural to feel angry. It would be worrying if you did not. The anger is an indication of just how much you loved your Nan.

I suffered many symptoms like yours and they started to get better when I found someone very close to whom I could say I loved my sis very much, but was also really angry with her. Those we love the most often make us the most angry.

So please don’t feel guilty about your anger, say to yourself the anger you feel is because you loved your Nan so and did so much for her. That love will help you heal. Hope this helps a bit? I am not so good at writing.

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