Hi haven’t been here for a while but it’s coming up to my mums first anniversary and it turns out I’m not coping as well as I thought so stressed out by the smallest things and looking after my dad I have been putting my own feelings asside to look after him but I feel like I’m losing my mind she was taken ill the day before my birthday and died five days later and I still can’t get the image of her in that hospital bed on out of my head when does this get better
Sorry to hear you’re finding things tough. Anniversaries, and the run-up to them, are a difficult time for so many people on this site. Quinnie has also posted about this recently - it’s the first anniversary of losing her mum today. You may be interested to read and reply to her post here: https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/anniversary
It sounds as though looking after your dad is very stressful and makes it more difficult for you to take the time you need to grieve. Do you have any support at all with looking after him, such as carers coming in, or family members who can spend some time with him while you take a break? It sounds as though you could really benefit from some time to yourself now and again.
Another user called Theresa85 is also in a similar situation - her dad died five months ago, and she is caring for her disabled mum: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/not-coping-sudden-death-my-dad