Not coping with the loss of my dad

Hey. I lost my dad february this year very suddenly. I was away when he got taken sick and nobody told me to save my feelings and apparently my dad told them not to tell me, purely because he and none of my family knew he was going to pass away. On the sunday he passed i received a call from my sister explaining he’s in hospital and i should try and get back if possible. I knew something wasnt right so i got the train straight away. But unfortunately while i was on the train he passed away. I didnt get to say goodbye and i was not there with him when he needed me there the most. The next time i saw him was at the undertakers and im finding it so hard to cope with that. Im really struggling with the loss of him and i dont know how to handle my feelings and emotions. Ive become a shell of my former self and turned into a person im not. I just miss him so much

Hi Lili t,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your dad, and that you didn’t get the chance to say goodbye.

It’s normal to struggle with your emotions, but one thing that can help is to find ways of sharing those feelings, rather than bottling them up. This can be by talking to a supportive friend or family member, going to a support group, or by writing things down here on the Online Community. You aren’t alone here - there are many people who will understand a lot of what you are feeling. While you wait for more replies to your post, you might find it helpful to read and reply to some other conversations in the Losing a Parent section.

If there’s anything I can help with, or you have any questions about the site, you can get in touch with me on

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hi there i lost my dad 3 weeks ago. i live 60 miles from them in scotland so about an hour and half drive he had what was being termed as pnemonia by drs. i got a call from my mum on the 18th nov that evenin sayin i my dad wasnt breathin and hes on way to hosp. we got down there at about 11pm and i went to reception to say my dad had been admitted i was taken to the relatives room where my mum was and i said where is he what are they doin to him and my mum replied we wont know anything until monday when the death certiicate gets done i broke my heart there and then apparently my mum had asked the drs to tell me when i arrived but the drs say there was a staff changeover and tjats how i found out id seen him in the nov at the house and spoke to him on the phone a few days b4 he died but it didnt make it any easier i nxt saw him at the undertakers also i felt better after i saw him but i still feel all over the place he died of stage 4 lung cancer and underlyin infection but we think he didnt want us to know. i go from feelin low to feelin focused and i feel acceptance but still go through feeling of loss emptiness sadness guilt to confusion why so sudden xxx

Hi. I lost my dad this September and the pain is still unbearable. Outwardly I have been showing that I’m strong and able to cope but inside I am screaming. I was at work at the time that he passed so I too didn’t get to say a proper goodbye. I regret not being able to express all I felt to him. I just remember before his passing saying to him that I was sorry for not being able to cure him of his dementia, by this point his responses were limited murmurs, but I think he understood.