Not coping

My father died last July from cancer. I thought I was coping but I’m not. It’s now been over a year and I seem to have got worse. I am sad all if the time. Me and my partner got together in January so he never got to meet my dad. He does his best to support me but he finds it hard to know what to say to me. I find that I’m taking my anger and hurt out on him. We recently moved in together and instead of being happy I seem to me more miserable missing my dad more and taking everything out on him. I just dont know what to do.

Dear Sarah,
Have you heard the old song, “We always hurt the one we love, the one we shouldn’t hurt at all” ?
I think you will find it on Youtube, it is so true. I do feel for you, when my dad passed away in 1989. I just couldn’t accept it, it was nothing like the grief I felt when my younger brother (8 years younger) passed away 4 years ago, we were so close, then when my husband passed away 19 weeks ago, quite suddenly, it brought me to me knees. We had been married for 2 weeks short of 59 years and I find this the hardest of all my losses. He was such a good man, I loved him more the older we got, I found him on our bedroom floor, he had died, his hear t stopped, he hadn’t been well for some months, maybe a year, all he wanted to do was sleep and I became worried about him. Stan was 84 years old and I quickly learned that choose how old you are, you still suffer the same very painful grief. My best friend, Pam of nearly 72 years ( we became friends when we were 5 years old), our friendship had endured all these years, she died very suddenly from a stroke, 6 months after my brother,my husband found her on the bedroom floor after he had broken in, Slowly and gradually, I have come to terms with losing my brother and my best friend, but, I know, I shall never come to terms with losing my husband.
Take care,

Oh Mary I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband Stan I cant imagine what it must be like to loose someone after all that time. I find myself worrying about my mum. I focus so much on my grief and how km not coping that I forget to ask my mum how she is doing as she lost her life partner too. Life is so unfair. This time of year especially it’s just so hard.
I will you tube that sound sounds like I need to listen to it.
I hope you have loved ones around you where you can talk about Stan and keep his memory alive xxx

Sorry for the loss of your dad. It’s the most awful feeling isn’t. You can’t envisage grief until you are in it. You have no idea how awful it is until you lose someone. I lost mum 14 weeks ago. Very suddenly. I’m still in shock I think


Thank you for your message, I shall go take a look at your post and reply, Stan and I were like an old pair of slippers, we were good friends as well as being husband and wife.
I am really very lucky, we have 2 children, Janet (Jenny) who is 55 years old and Michael who is 52 years old, they live 80 miles away in different directions, they sorted everything out for me. The settling of the odd bill, here and there, all kinds of things. I have a lot of friends who keep in touch and i thank God for them too. I do hope that you find peace and contentment. It will find you, of that I am sure. Take care, Blessings, love, MaryL

Dear Jooles, my daughter and grandson are suffering, in fact our grandson cannot bear to talk about Stan, he is in quite a bad way.


I’m in a bad way too Mary. I’m not even at work at the moment have put that on hold. My heart is completely broken

You and Stan sound wonderful what a lovely marriage

Sarahbear, I’m sorry for you loss. There is no time frame on grief. Perhaps, sit down with your partner and tell him that you are struggling.

Jooles45, You are not alone. What we are going through is traumatic and terribly upsetting. We miss them terribly.

Joules I’m so sorry to hear your sad news. You will still be in shock I think it took me months to get out of the phase and we knew when the time was coming with dad. I’m finding now talking about it helps, although I didnt talk about it for a year I just bottled it up and that really hasnt helped. I dont have any friends who have lost a parent so as well as they listen and try and help they dont understand how much of a struggle it is every day. It’s like something’s always missing.

Daffy thank you. I have tried talking to him and he says he understands but he doesn’t. I see it everytime I get upset or get angry over dad hes that one step closer of walking away. I try so hard not to push my grief on him but sometimes I just cant help it. :frowning:

I’m only 9 weeks into the sudden loss of my Mum. My dad passed away nearly 20 years ago. To be honest unless you have gone through it I don’t think people understand the trauma of grief. Also, it also depends of course upon how and and close you were to the love one you lost too.