Not coping

My dad passed away on 1st April 2020. He had a stroke on 3rd Jan, it was a bad stroke but we had hope! He was moved into a nursing home when the coronvirus was starting, he was only in there for 5 nights and then moved back to hospital when they realised he had the coronavirus and passed away on 1st April 2020. The last time I saw my dad was on mother’s day, we were not allowed to see him mut but the nurses were very good keeping us updated. But as time is moving on I am really struggling, I just can’t accept he has gone, some days are OK but I feel its all catching up with me and I am getting more and more emotional. I miss my dad so much, he was a massive part of our family, I do anything to talk to him. My dad was 89 and I hate it when people say he was a good age! I know he was but he was a young 89, I just feel so completely heart broken.

Hi. Alisonw. Welcome to the site no one wants to be on, but thank God it’s here. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. Age has very little to do with anything. People have lost babies and those over 90, but it makes little difference to grief. The only thing that arises is that the longer we have known someone the more memories we have stored, and that can be painful. April is so little time in grief. Allow time to move on. Allow emotions to come. Nothing is ‘catching up’ with you. It’s all the normal reaction to grief. It’s a process, or an experience we need go through.
Emotions are Nature’s way of easing stress. It may not feel like that at the moment, but it is so. Up one day, down the next. I call this 'the YO YO effect! It happens when we have suffered such an awful life trauma such as you have, and we all have on here. That’s why you are among friends. Don’t hesitate to come back and talk to us. Gradually, very gradually, it does get less painful. But time must be allowed to pass. Look after yourself. I do hope you have support at home, that is so important.
Take care and kind regards. John.

Thank you, I knew it would be hard, just didn’t realise how hard, I had tried to prepare for it but I just thought my dad would always be there I just cannot accept he is not here. I struggle when I see my mum and try so hard to be strong for her but Im so completely broken inside as it’s so hard seeing my mum without my dad

Hi Alison.
I can relate to so much of what you say.My Mum very sadly passed away in May of this year.Mum was just shy of her 93rd birthday and you are so right when you say that age doesn’t make any difference.I was my Mum’s full time carer (Mum had Alzheimers) so i went from caring for Mum 24/7 to suddenly nothing.Ii feel that i have nothing in my life now.Like you i am completely heart broken as i miss Mum so much that it hurts.I am in tears everyday.I think about Mum the whole time but sadly at this moment in time it just upsets me.I hope that one day i will be able to remember all of the great memories i have with Mum and be able to smile about them.Mum was such a special lady and her passing has left such a massive hole in my life that will never be filled.Look after yourself and just try to take one day at a time.