Not coping

Losing a parent
1

Hi
I lost my mom 2 weeks ago and I’m not coping very well, her funeral is this Thursday and I’m Dreading it to the point that I think I can’t go but I have to be there for my mom. Before funeral me and my brother are going to the chapel of rest to say our final goodbyes but then again I feel I can’t go and and see her fir one last time, I feel so overwhelmed with it all, I feel so angry at the moment with everything and my stomach is in knots that it’s making me physically sick. The house is a mess and so I’m panicking about that for when the relatives come before funeral, I have no energy to do anything.

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Hello @Dollyaydream,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

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Dear Dollyaydream. I am so sorry for your loss and the overwhelming grief that you feel.
I lost my mum very suddenly and unexpectedly 11 days ago. I have never felt such pain and despair. I do not know how I will ever get over this.
I find the what ifs unbearable and feel so so sad not just for my loss but for the time and experiences that my mum will miss. These may be similar to your feelings?
Do your days go anything like mine, constant waves of a build up of emotions to the peak of breaking down and then a slight relief for some time whilst all the while the next wave of utter grief and sadness is building inside and hits again?
The only thing that I find comforting, is that I have my mums mobile (which I will always leave turned off) and I text her to say hello and share my deepest feelings with her. I let her know what we are doing. This would definitely not be for everyone but I am finding it very comforting.
Try not to worry about your housework, you are grieving and need to prioritise yourself.
I joined this community yesterday and find it helps to have a link to people who really understand.
I too am planning my mums day and I really do share and understand your feelings about the chapel of rest.
I wish us and everyone going through this, the strength from somewhere to get through this.
Take care, Rachel x

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Hi @Dollyaydream, @RachelM sorry for the loss of your Mums. It’s a brutal and traumatic experience isn’t it? I lost my Mum back in January and like you, I felt such overwhelming pain and sadness. I thought I wouldn’t be able to visit her in the Chapel of rest. Honestly it was the hardest experience but I knew if I hadn’t done it, I might have regretted not saying goodbye. I wrote her a long letter that I read out and then placed in the coffin beside her. I found it incredibly emotional. There was a five week wait for the funeral, so I visited again on the day before the service. This time felt calmer and I placed some posies of flowers and some special photos in with her. It felt right to do it and helped me to process the immense shock of the sudden loss. Although I found the funeral very hard, I knew I had to honour my lovely Mum with a heartfelt tribute that she truly deserved. Take care of yourselves in these difficult days…xx

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Thank you @Rosiepink. The flowers and photos to leave is a lovely idea thank you.
Love and strength to us all :heart: x

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