Thankyou Jonathan I appreciate your kind words and advice I’ll let you know how I get on at the doctors and what they suggest means alot take care well as much as possible having a really bad day may try a little walk even around the street tomorrow thankyou x
Hi B, My sentiments exactly, so nice to have someone with the same view as me. It’s so easy to sit the opposite side of a Dr’s desk and be given a pill… How often these days is the cause searched for and not the symptoms. We all know what is the matter with us. No pill will cure it, there isn’t such a thing otherwise we would be queuing up for them. The cause for our pain is inside us and we are the only one’s that can cure it. What is anti depressants supposed to do, when were not strictly depressed. We all know what would cure us but it’s not within our reach.
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Oh my goodness I have been preaching this for years but just get funny looks because we are now brainwashed to take pills for everything. I had a heart scare some weeks ago. Heart checked out fine, referred to Cardiology even though classed as very fit. Anyway I put myself on a better diet (which I had let slip after losing Brian), plus back on suitable vitamins/minerals and within a week felt much better and back to my old self. Walking miles (been out for 4 hrs today) Still no appointment from the Cardiology Dept. All drugs have side affects which can be worse than the original problem. Pat xxxx
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I respect all your views and I do understand. This is a very personal subject and each individual has to make their own choice. I’m sorry about sounding like a ‘quack’ Bristles, but it’s from my own personal experience I speak. Of course there is or never will be a ‘cure’ for bereavement, and I do agree, it’s all down to a personal view. I suffered a breakdown many years ago and I took medication then. It helped me take stock and calm down and be able to think clearly. Once I began to recover I came off the pills.That’s the purpose of short term medication in anxiety, not to ‘cure’ but relieve the symptoms. There is no ‘cure’ for anxiety. Good counselling and help from those around us can help a lot. Anxious people will remain anxious whatever medication they take. But they learn to manage their symptoms so it doesn’t affect their lives overmuch. If anyone had a serious disease and medication was suggested, would you refuse? It’s fine to refuse meds when we are not in a very bad way physically, but when it comes to it and we have to make a serious choice!!! Short term medication is helpful, but if it extends to the long term then it does need looking at.
I think we do the medical profession a disservice. They are there to help, and I found my doctor a great help in this situation. She has empathy and really cares. I think most of us in refusing medical help throw the baby out with the bathwater. But, as I said, it is a very personal choice, and to those who won’t take medication I wish well. It can be done given the will, but some of us lesser mortals do need it and no one should never feel that taking pills is wrong or shameful or they are letting themselves down.
So are these anti anxiety pills that bad for you do they make you more dazed and baffled and more confused and vulnerable ?? x
Bristles im nearly 39 in a week and a half I lost my Edward my first true love my soulmate of seventeen years we moved in together after three months together until we had enough to buy our own house im the sane I just want to be in his arms I know he didn’t want to leave me his hwart will be breaking without me we were joined at the hip from cooking gardening walking holidays doctors hospitals dentists you name it cleaning even me or him holding the lawn mower wire as the lawn got cut im have told you before this has shook me to the core im trembling as I type Adele x
Thankyou Bristles I try second by second I really can’t manage I just want my Edward back in my arms im looking at pictures from this time last year we were so happy had everything to live for I didn’t want thus journey alone and I know we both relied on eachother so much he’d be the same without me yearning I just want to hear him Potter on with the screw box do things I cant change bulbs he was tall do fuses hold me im so desperate when will this end no wonder loneliness is one if the biggest killers I see why I’m so upset too why do these evil murders and rapist bombers live a life if Riley my 6 1 friendly giant wouldn’t say boo to a goose held the door open for the older generation as I do and did as we would expect people to our older family members what us the point in this world I’ve been waiting for cruse bereavement since November still another eight to ten weeks the more I hear about peoples experience im put off and I think what could a stranger say to bring the live if my life back they never knew us or our relationship and probably say the same to the next person I genuinely give up im heartbreakon beyond words Adele x
Dear Adele, I am so sorry to read of the loss of your beloved husband Edward. I don’t have the words that will bring you comfort right now. However, since I lost my beautiful husband, 18 months ago now, I do have personal experience of bereavement counselling, cognitive behavioural therapy and acceptance & commitment therapy. If I can share my journey through complex grief and anxiety with help from talking therapies with you, please send me a PM. With kind thoughts, x
Hi thankyou for your message and kind words it’s so much appreciated im so so sorry for your horrendous loss it’s utterly devastating I really appreciate it and thankyou I’m in a really bad place at the moment just scattered some of Edwards ashes in the garden where we always used to sit in fact last may bank holiday weekend we were out there before heading out im utterly truamatised witnesing it all happen in front of my eyes im in shock and trembling with fear I really appreciate your kind offer and will give it thought thankyou so much for reaching out to me in your time of horrendous loss too from the bottom of my broken empty heart stay blessed thankyou speak soon take care your in my thoughts Adele x
No Adele, they don’t if they are prescribed by a doctor who knows you. Careful monitoring is needed. What they do is calm you down and, most importantly, give you a chance to look at your situation more clearly which, I think you will agree, is difficult at the moment. I would not want to get into a discussion about the merits or demerits of medication. I entirely agree, it’s up to you what you do. We have free will and as adults can make our own decisions. But going it alone can lead to isolation and the cutting off from help. I know, after over 20 years of counselling others that views can change. And no Bristles, nothing you or anyone else can say would shock me. I have heard it all, believe me, but bereavement is a new experience and no amount of experience or foreknowledge can prepare one for that. I would never judge or criticise, that’s not what help is about. If anyone thinks I may not be suffering as much as them then I can only say my wife and I were married for 65 years and I knew her for 68 years. It’s a long time to be together and lose someone. But in spite of that I still have hope in my heart, not just that we will meet again, but that all will be well eventually in this life. My wife would want me to soldier on and that’s what I will do. I will not be negative and wish for death. Neither will I play down the deep feelings of others who suffer in their own way. No one on this site does that and that’s why we are all here. Compassion, caring and love are still there in spite of all the emotions and awful feelings we have. That thought in itself gives me hope. Blessings.
Thankyou Jonathan in tears here I appreciate your kind words means alot thankyou x
Hi.Adele. You are right. Strangers, unless they have been there can have no concept of what the pain of this situation is like. I met a woman today by chance(!)who has been widowed for three years. She helped me a lot by relating her experiences to me. It brings home the fact that unless anyone has been there they can never understand and will come out with all the old clichés. But I always come back to love and caring. Love transcends all emotions and feelings. It’s apart from raw emotions. If we love one another and have compassion and empathy then it can begin the process of recovery. This is not sentimental nonsense. Real love is never just sentimental. I wish I could fully describe what I mean, but words are so difficult. I suppose it’s about the heart not the head. It’s what we feel deep down in our very being that drives us along. All that won’t stop the immediate pain, but once the seed is sown give it time to mature. Nothing is easy in this situation, nothing at all. Pain and unhappiness will be with us for some time to come. But, contrary to what so many think, it may not be the end but a beginning. Any negative experience has within it the seed of positive growth. You don’t have to be religious to understand the meaning of the crucifixion and the resurrection. It may be symbolic, but what symbols! We die daily but can be resurrected in the knowledge that, as that lovely lady nun, Julian of Norwich said, 'All is well, all things are well.! Everything that happens has a purpose, it’s how we see it, our perspective of it that makes it good or bad. Blessings.
Thankyou Jonathan for your generous words just hope I can make it today I really don’t feel I have it in me now take care of yourself stay blessed Adele x
Adele. You DO have it in you. We all have. It’s the realisation of its presence that brings it to life. I am not trying to ‘jolly you along’. All I can do is to suggest to you that you will not fail if you ask what would your loved one have wanted. For you to be miserable or permanently upset? Oh no! I can’t relieve your immediate pain, but I can send my love and empathy to you. Don’t stop talking on here. It’s an outlet for your emotions and we can all be with you because all know. Bless you!!!
Hi Jonathan
I just wanted to complement you on an excellent piece of writing, although I have a difference of thinking on some parts that didn’t detract from it.
It’s interesting that you struggled for the right words when talking about the split between thinking and feeling. A neuroscientist and a psychologist would have a completely different basket of words. It always seems remarkable how we have used the idea of what is a glorified muscle to help us describe feelings, and we can then split it off from the mind. There’s good evidence to show that goes back for ever and, yet, despite our understanding of physiology and a little more understanding of how the brain works, and the role of perception in framing reality, we still find it easier to relate these things to the heart. I do it myself.
I’ve been particularly interested in perception for many years and how it works in relation to the stimuli and percepts we are constantly receiving. It’s fascinating to think how we are so receptive to our senses, and what those senses actually are. I’m a great believer in the notion that we are what we think, but “in my heart of hearts” I can always find room for thinking and feeling differently. I’ve always felt I’m on a learning journey.
Thankyou Jonathan im really trying my best today but it’s a real struggle k owing we were out having fun this time last bank holiday Monday snd the way he tragically fell asleep in my arms im utterly truamatised witnesing it all im trying my best and keeping away from those tablets I have put away thanks for your message Jonathan it really means alot today I’m utterly heartbreakon it’s soul destroying never felt a pain physical or mental thankyou again for your kindness and words of encouragement sending you a hug speak soon Adele x
Hi Jonathan
I just wanted to complement you on an excellent piece of writing, although I have a difference of thinking on some parts that didn’t detract from it.
It’s interesting that you struggled for the right words when talking about the split between thinking and feeling. A neuroscientist and a psychologist would have a completely different basket of words. It always seems remarkable how we have used the idea of what is a glorified muscle to help us describe feelings, and we can then split it off from the mind. There’s good evidence to show that goes back for ever and, yet, despite our understanding of physiology and a little more understanding of how the brain works, and the role of perception in framing reality, we still find it easier to relate these things to the heart. I do it myself.
I’ve been particularly interested in perception for many years and how it works in relation to the stimuli and percepts we are constantly receiving. It’s fascinating to think how we are so receptive to our senses, and what those senses actually are. I’m a great believer in the notion that we are what we think, but “in my heart of hearts” I can always find room for thinking and feeling differently. I’ve always felt I’m on a learning journey.
Hi Bristles hope today is kinder to you whether it be one month one year how ever long this hurt agony pain and anguish is becoming increasingly insufferable by the second every minute is dragging it’s not a life anymore im just existing utterly truamatised x
Thankyou fir your heartfelt kins words Bristles they mean alot I really appreciate it thankyou from the bottom of my broken empty heart god bless you in my thoughts too Adele xx
Thankyou for your heartfelt kind words Bristles they mean alot I really appreciate it thankyou from the bottom of my broken empty heart god bless you in my thoughts too Adele xx