Not getting any easier

My wife died in January 2020. We had been married for 40 years. She was diagnosed with bowel cancer in Nov 2018. She had chemo and radiotherapy and a liver re-section as the cancer had spread. She also had a brain tumour removed. In Dec 2019 we were told the bowel cancer had gone. One month later she died as a second brain tumour could not be operated on. I went with her to every appointment and visited her daily during her hospital stays.
The brain tumours caused her personality to change and i feel immense guilt that I didn’t realise why and became impatient with her. Only latterly did I realise. She died at home in our bed.
After 2 years i still find that i am constantly thinking of her and random things and events remind me of her. I now find myself lacking motivation and increasingly emotional about very minor events or things i see on TV.
I am finding it harder now than for much of the last 2 years.


That sounds so hard. You can’t be expected to diagnose disease progression ; “hindsight is a wonderful thing”. I think you are so busy caring and trying to manage your own emotions and it’s such a confusing time, how could you have that perspective or presence of mind? I am very newly widowed and feel for you struggling two years later. It’s good that you recognise so well how you are affected. I wish you well and hope it’s a case of things feeling a little worse before a breakthrough and some progress is made.

Gosh I no how you feel. My husband as been dead six and half years I feel worse these last five months. Lonely tearful sad . Heartache only thing I can say is keep trying… walk day trips out .

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Reading all your messages we are in such a sad place I am 9 months and can understand how it will not get any easier how can it we have lost half of us never known how to live life without my husband since I was 18 had 45 years married which I am grateful for and had two children I see them living there lives can see my husband living on in them gives me little comfort must try and get busy I guess in a mess this morning miss him it’s awful we would be enjoy lots together hard keeping garden together alone makes me so sad day by day I’m told xx

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Oh dear. It doesn’t seem to matter how long we were together trying to change how you live while grieving is difficult. I’m trying always to think so hard that he is always with me. I hope you can find a way through. Yours in solidarity Xxx

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Dear Doug0402, I lost my husband in April 2020 to cancer and like you I am finding it so hard to keep pushing forward, silly little things bring back memories of my husband we were married 51 years and I was 16 he was 18 when we met, he was my everything. I remind myself how lucky I was to have had such a wonderful man in my life, but I feel guilty over so many things I wish I could have done differently. Remember the love you and your dear wife shared, how comforted she would have felt to have you there, loving her . You and I have been so lucky to have had the love we shared with our partners and now we draw on that love to try and keep strong for that is what they would want for us and we will make them proud. Take care of yourself keep strong. x