Not sunshine again

I lost my beloved husband exactly five months and one day ago. I went out to get my medicine and did my shopping and then it started raining and it was dark which matched my mood and sadness yesterday. Today that dreaded sunshine is back again which makes everything worse. On top of it is also windy and I am always afraid that the tiles on our roof will shift and it will start raining in one of our rooms again. The roofers (they were on rated people) did not do a good job before so I am not trusting them and do not want them back in our house now I am on my own. Before my husband went to the attic and mended that problem and we had no problems so far. But I think there are a lot of other people out there who have the same problems as me. I wish my health would be better and I would be more mentally stable but most of all I want my lovely husband back and cuddle him and look after him. Sending you all lots of love and hugs.


You poor thing. It is so difficult when trades rip you off and seem to take advantage. I had a so called gardener who charged me £200 to cut a small dead conifer down and take away and kill some weeds. 2 hours work. I bit further down the road and i have a different gardener who will charge £25 per hour. I pray your roof stays sound and you stay dry. Hugs


I would love to pay £25 per hour for a gardener because I struggle to do the weeding. But on the other hand, I only can do what I can do, and if the neighbours do not like it - tough. It is amazing how fast just-tell-me-if-I can-help-you dwindles. I understand that they all have their own life but even my friend (she lives not even five minutes from me) let me down. I asked her when she goes the next time to Lidl if she could take me with her, but -surprise- she only goes to Lidl after she visits her friend. So I am not bothered anymore. I would pay for the petrol and of course, I pay for my own stuff. Asda is not far from us but she would never ask if I want to come with her, so the next time I will take a bus and return by taxi. It would be nice to go with her and maybe even have a coffee together and a chat. I do a lot of online shopping now but they do not have always the things online available I want. I am truly on my own. I understand that she has a lot on her plate being not the healthiest person and having a disabled husband and son but she has support from her brother and does not rely on public transport which makes a lot of things earlier. I am not allowed to drive because of my health issues. I am sorry for the long story. Sending you lots of love and hugs.


I too have no transport but am very lucky. Unlike you my friend offered to take me with her whenever she goes shopping. My neighbour mows my front grass when he does his but none of mine would ever complain if my garden was untidy. My neighbours are all one in a million. I wish all of us going through this could have neighbours like mine. My toilet seat came loose. My neighbour came in and fixed it for me. He has just been at another neighbour who had a hip replacement and has been clearing his gutters. We are very luck we are truly a community.

I know what you mean about online shopping the substitutions can be interesting.

Love and more hugs


If I need tradespeople I go by word of mouth. Or a bereavement group I attend for people losing partners only, have a list of those who can be trusted. I wonder if you have the same in your area? I keep my husbands shoes or his jacket near the door. And I let them think he is out shopping/work/library anywhere really. Only people who know me, know my situation. I hope this helps. Sending love.


Thank you for your kind message, Rammie. I still have to find and join a bereavement group. I also asked around in the neighbourhood about reliable tradespeople but they were also let down by them. It is really difficult to find someone reliable and trustworthy. I lost most of my confidence and feel very vulnerable since my lovely husband died and I hate the person I am now. Everything cost a lot of energy and I get tired very easily now. I think I am just mentally and physically drained and cannot concentrate. Hopefully, it will get better soon. Sending lots of love and hugs.