Not sure how to feel okay

Hi everyone, im Charlie and im 28. My dad died when I was 27, it will be 2 years in August and sometimes the pain feels like it was only yesterday. My dad was in and out of hospital for a few months, it didn’t seem like anything too serious at the time. He had rheumatoid arthritis and Diabetes, and it all started with a cut on his foot that never healed. He got sepsis in his spine, which was operated on and ‘removed’. He was then transferred to a spinal rehab clinic rather than the hospital he was in. Everything seemed to be resolving and we were all hopeful and looking forward to seeing dad again (this was during COVID where visiting was restricted). I was on a holiday with my partner and her family, eating breakfast one morning and my mum called. I think I knew it was bad news. He had gone into cardiac arrest and we had to be there asap. Me and my partner arrived first, and the doctor told me things about how much his physical health had deteriorated - I was the only one to hear these things, and ive never told my siblings because it was awful. He died the next day and life just hasn’t been the same since - its a cliche but I remember looking outside and everything looked ‘different’, my whole world changed. Now nearly 2 years on and I have spent the last hour crying whilst looking at photos and videos of him. Im not sure what I am trying to achieve posting on here, but I just wanted to tell my story. Some days I’m happy, but days like today come and go - particularly at this time of year: Fathers Day, his birthday, anniversary all in the space of 2/3 months. When my dad died I not only lost my dad, but I lost my job, my home and almost all of my friends who turned their back on me.

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Hello @CharlieR,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community, and that you’re already supporting other members - thank you.

I’m so sorry to hear about dad. We know that this is a particularly difficult time of year for members who have lost their fathers. You might want to read our support page on Coping with grief on Father’s Day.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I hope that you find the community to be a support to you - you are not alone.

Take care,
Seaneen

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I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m only 6 and a bit months into my grief journey, i have days where life is ‘normal’ what ever that is and then weeks where i just want to sob.
These forums have been an absolute godsend for me personally.

Somewhere i can vent, anytime, day or night.