Not sure what to do about viewing his body - please help

My partner died three weeks ago,
His mum rang me today to tell me the funeral home will be closing his body from his family and friends as he starts to not look like himself,
apparently his face is puffy and he has to have loads of make up on, apparently he doesn’t look like him,
do I see him? I’m not sure what to do, I’m not sure I want to see him again if it looks nothing like him,
I’m currently at university in the middle of my exams and am finding it difficult to go home, i would have to go Friday or early Saturday morning, as that is when the last time to be able to see him again will be,
I have till Friday to make up my mind on the matter,
I would love to have peoples ideas on what to do, being stuck at uni is so hard especially whilst doing my exams, as I would have to come back to uni straight away to start revision for another exam next Friday,
please help,
Many Thanks xx

Hi Jazcat
Sorry of your loss. Personally, i would not. hold on to the memories you have of him. It can be quite upsetting, when you find they are not looking how you new them. Its in the end up to the individual…John


So sorry, this must be so hard for you with everything going on at uni etc.

I would say to remember your partner as he was when he was alive and to treasure your memories of happier times. Not quite the same but I saw my Dad at the funeral directors and it was horrible and haunted me for ages afterwards.

You do what feels right for you and above all, good luck with your exams.


This is a very personal thing and I don’t think anyone else can make that decision for you.My brother passed away so suddenly and I never got to tell him things that I had wanted to so had to go and see him.I could not accept he had passed away so needed to do this.Yes it was hard but I put a letter in with him,some flowers and some of his favourite snacks.I told him off for leaving me as we were so close.
Only you can make this decision.Don’t let anyone else tell you what to do as only you know how you feel about this.

Dear jazcat.I had exactly the same terrible problem.I viewed my daughter in a most unusual was so heart wrenching for me.the funeral home knew this so what I did I wrapped a scarf like a blindfold over my eyes .kissed and caressed her body.I was in such a bad way.I couldn’t look at her properly.I have often felt guilty though.but that is the only way I could do it to say goodbye…because I couldn’t see to her funeral for several weeks.and obviously her physical appearance would have detriorarated a lot .hope I have been some help to sorry for your loss.hugs Annette.xx

Thank you everyone for replying to me, I found out late last night that unfortunately the funeral home have decided that today is the last time anyone can see him, so that has made the decision for me. I don’t think I would have been able to do it anyway, from what everyone has said I think its for the best that I just remember him for how he was when he was alive. I feel a bit cheated that I cant say goodbye, but his parents are going today to say their last goodbyes and are putting the stuff I wanted in with him. I’ll still be able to see him, but the coffin will be closed.
I’m so sorry for all your losses, I never realised how hard it was to lose someone close, I don’t think anyone particularly knows until they go through it,
I really appreciate all your comments,
His mum said it haunted her to see him, so I think it might be for the best,
It might sound silly but I was talking to him when I thought I would have to see him this weekend, and asked if he wanted me to see him again, and then I got a call about an hour later saying that I wouldn’t be able to, so I believe that was his way of telling me not to see him like that,

Thank you again everyone xxx

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Hi Jazcat, so sad and sorry for your loss. As you have said the decision has been made for you and its so true only you know what is right for you. As someone else mentioned you can take a letter to the funeral parlour and they would put it in the coffin it may help to write down your feelings and know that the message goes with him. I did visit my lovely husband but he did look so natural as if he was just asleep so not so hard for me I kept going back to keep him company and give him messages and drawings from our grandchildren. I don’t know that it makes us feel better, just feels we are doing something. This time so immediately after your loss in very unreal I know. Do take care, be kind to yourself do what feels right for you.
So sorry…xxxxxxx

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