I decided I need to reach for help in dealing with my mum’s loss . My lovely caring mum lost her battle to cancer end of 2025 and I was there with my siblings and dad . The problem I have is I am very numb to life and emotions yet feel like there is a black dog of sadness deep inside . I feel like I want to feel my mum is watching over me and is with me but I usually feel like I’m alone . I have supportive family friends but all dealing with there grief in different ways and I’m trying to be brave but I miss my mum and I don’t want to forget her and I want the love I felt from her to come back but I feel like she isn’t here. I can’t understand why I don’t feel her love when I know she must be watching over us all. I want to talk to my mum to help me get over lossing her so she can say the right things but my mum isn’t able to . Feel numb yet sad .
I’m so sorry for your loss, I know how you feel, now the initial intense shock has worn down, I feel mostly numb and disconnected but overwhelmingly sad.
From reading and talking to people on here, it is a perfectly normal reaction to grief and loss and may be your body/minds way of slowly processing without becoming too much to bear.
You’re not alone, and I have no doubt that your mum is watching over you - be sure to talk to your family about your mum, everyone will be grieving but it seems to help to talk about your memories and things that made you smile.
Thankyou
i completely understand not being able to feel the love, for me it’s probably a different situation however whenever i feel like talking to her, i go in my room and just speak out loud to her, i look through conversations, songs, photos, although i cry, it helps me, then afterwards ill tell someone that i trust and just debrief to help me calm down like playing a game, watching a movie, colouring etc. but i’m always here for a conversation❤️
So sorry that you are in the club no one wants to join - but having joined it you are in a good place. I lost my mother to cancer just over two months ago and I was with her. I think each person has to find their own way through the following days and weeks as everybody is an individual. I too talk to my mother all the time - sometimes I go to her room, sometimes I talk to her as I walk down the street. Of course she can’t reply and the gulf between talking to her as I used to when she was alive and in front of me and talking to her now is horrible, but I still find it helps me just to talk to her as I always used to. I read the other day something which struck home, which is grief is love with nowhere to go. Something like this may be contributing to how you are feeling - you still have all that love for your mum, but she isn’t there anymore in a physical sense to receive it. I throw in a few ideas which may or may not be helpful to you. You might want to think about something to do in honour or in memory of your mum to help you have a channel on this earth for your love for her - for example planning to planting a rose or a tree in your garden, raising money for charity in her honour (so far I have raised over £1k for MacMillan in honour of my mother) , learning a skill that she was good at in her memory. I find going for walks helps me a little- particularly if it is sunny. All of that said, whatever you are feeling or not feeling is entirely valid and right - you are just being you and give yourself permission to feel or not feel or do or not do whatever you need to get through each day. Lose any thought of what you should or should not feel - you are entitled to feel as you feel. And if well meaning people say stupid things (I’ve already been told to pull myself together) then you retort as I have “you don’t seriously think I wouldn’t if I could?”. Hope some/any of this is useful but either way sending a virtual hug - something we all need.
Thanks it has helped …. I will like to give that love somehow to my mum. .. so maybe something nice in honour of her would be a start ….. mum would have loved I was going away for a weekend or a break so hopefully I can arrange that with my husband in a few months time she would be so happy and that would help me feel like she is with me more
Thanks for the tips xxxxx