I lost the love of my life 2 weeks ago tomorrow. I’ve visited him every day in the chapel of rest because i want to be close to him and be near him physically for as long as i possibly can. I feel completely numb, like I’m having an outerbody experience. I cry and im broken but i feel like it isnt sinking in. I feel like if i let it fully sink in im going to break. I sit in my bedroom cuddling his clothes all day feeling completely numb. I feel like im doing this all wrong
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Oh bless you. Two weeks you are numb and can’t quite believe it’s happened. There will be many people on this forum who will have felt exactly the same. This is grief taking charge and it’ll be a long time before you feel any different. There is no time table for grief it grips you like a vice. Just take each hour each day as it comes. If you sit all day with your husbands clothes then do that. Do exactly what you want to do in your time. I imagine the funeral is approaching and that’s another hurdle you will have to face. Whatever we say to you won’t make a bit of difference but we’ve all been where you are and some of us still are.
Please reach out to us as much as you want. This is not a club we wanted to join but sadly we’re all on this path together.
Much love
Georgina
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So sorry to hear about your loss. I’m 2 whole days after the funeral, my beloved husband of 59 years died on the 4th March. The funeral was the thing that I was really dreading too, but I did get through it and I’m hoping that to hear people say such lovely things about my husband will be a comfort later. Now the public bit is over, and I’m largely alone to bear the grief, I’m aiming just to get through today and worry about tomorrow tomorrow. I hope it helps you to know you will, I promise you, get through the funeral, however much you dread it…
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Hi, I lost my beloved husband Keith just 3 weeks ago. I am heartbroken and devastated. I’m back home alone now with our cats and I find chatting out loud to him helps, yes I cry and he probably can’t understand what I’m saying but I think it’s better than keeping it all in. I cuddle up with his fleece each night, with his aftershave on it. I call out his name asking where are you, I need your help. Then there are times where it just seems so unbelievable and I think he can’t be gone he is just out and will be back later, then I get sad again. I feel that we need to just do what comes naturally to us, do what you want to and what feels comforting to you. It’s so soon and as people have said everyone grieves differently but on here we are all experiencing a loss at different stages. I have found some comfort from others here already just with words and that they know exactly how we are feeling. I hope you can find some comfort on here too
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I was a complete wreck immediately after my Richard died and before the funeral. I too was dreading the funeral but having seen him looking so peaceful and out of pain in the chapel of rest and everyone sharing so much love and kindness at the funeral, it did give me some comfort. I used to always wake at 3.40 every morning the first few weeks. That was the exact time he died. I now have better sleep patterns since I’ve started exercise and getting up and out again.
I still have his dressing gown and PJ top he was wearing when he died in my arms that night, and I’m forever cuddling them and wrapping myself around them in moments of my deepest and darkest grief. They stay on/in my bed and are hugely comforting.
I didn’t expect the strong emotional reaction I had when I collected his ashes but they are now in our house on top of the dresser looking down over the dining table, living room and kitchen and it strangely feels he’s with me everyday - and the family when we all gather. I’m forever talking to him. I also have lots of wonderful photos of him all around and on my phone so I can look at him, remember with deep love and affection all the happy times and talk to him anytime I need too. 
After nearly 3 months I cry a lot less and am making a huge effort to establish new little routines that get me out of bed in the morning and making an effort to find some sort of ‘new normal’ for me without him.
I am so very grateful to spend a lot of time with my little grandson who adored his grandad and trying to continue our little adventures and fun times to remember Richard and keep his memory alive and realise some of the hopes and dreams he wanted our grandson to experience. My daughter in law is just going back to work full time so I’ve volunteered to do the afternoon school gates Nana pick up Mon - Wed. I don’t know how I’m going to cope after 40 years of being together so I’m just taking it a day (sometimes hour) at a time.
I wish you eventually find comfort and peace in your grief and please try to find someone to talk to - or just to be there - for you and to listen when you need.
As you will see and hear from the messages and comments on this forum, everyone’s grief is unique but there are some common threads and such caring support out there, which in time is incredibly comforting as you go on your own journey into the unknown ….
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@Alison61
I could have written this myself. So many things identical to me. My Rich died 3 months ago to todays date.
Nearly everything you’ve said is almost identical, although his ashes are in the bedroom.
I also now feel more positive than the beginning. Still have bad moments everyday but they are not always all consuming.
I didn’t feel at the beginning that I would get to 3 months in but here I am. As hugely difficult as it’s been, Rich would be proud of me for what I have achieved in those 3 months.
Thank you for your positive post!
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