Hello everyone. I was with my partner for 9 years, she died from cancer on November 7th 2025. We didnt live together, but I am the sole executor of her estate and the only one with keys. So tonight ive found myself at my partners house, on my own, consumed with grief. Its only been 2 months but all check ins from friends have gone, not one invite was recieved to spend time with someone, and I feel totally abandoned and alone. It’s hard not to have bad thoughts, this house which was once full of life, laughter & love is now quiet, silent. I just want to be with my partner again, and the pain is killing me.
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Oh bless you Ade, what a terrible time for you. 3 weeks is such a short time, you’ll still be in so much shock. It’s been 11 weeks for me since I lost my Ray, but I know those first few weeks are just so tough. I’m on my own tonight too, and I’ve had the worst day since all this hell began. Can’t believe I’m entering a new year without him by my side. I have family who don’t contact me, so I feel your pain on that side. The silence is worse. I have no words to console you, only that you have friends here who truly understand the pain you’re experiencing right now. Take good care of yourself x
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Apologies Ade, it’s almost 2 months for you. My brain isn’t thinking straight these days
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As the others have said your in the early days of grief which are the worst, it seems to be a recurring theme that family/friends go back to their own lifes, as we were the closest no one feels the depth of grief that we are feeling especially if they’ve not lost their partner, I believe our loved ones are still.besude us we just can’t see them 
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Thankyou, and im sorry for your loss. I think the fact that I seem to have been forgotten tonight by friends and family has compounded my grief, after all if I had been invited somewhere I wouldn’t now be at my partners house getting deafened by the silence. I cant even tell you why im here, I havent slept here since she passed, yet here I am. I want to sleep but also scared of sleep, if that makes sense? Just find myself wondering from room to room, almost as if eventually i’ll walk into a room and everything will be back to normal. Stupid huh.
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I lost my Mum 2 months ago and my uncle 3 months. We would normally spend New Year with my sister and hubby (they live some distance away). I lived with Mum but my partner ( who lives and cares for his Mum) would normally join us. He has a complicated situation caring for his Mum. This year, I am on my own with my cat! It is my first New Year like this. I have had a big cry remembering all the joy we had. I am now treating it like any other day which is helping. I have decided to turn the television and radio off as I find that seeing everyone else celebrating just intensifies the feelings of lose and all that comes with it. So, I am doing some chores, cleaning and tidying! A CAHMS worker (connected to my work) told us that when dealing with trauma, physical activities helped to release the stress. I am finding it helps. I hope that you find your way to help you manage these heart wrenching times. It can help to know that you are not alone in how you are feeling and also not alone in spending New Year by yourself. I am treating it as just another day. Sending a virtual hug.
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Thankyou for your message Sparrow2. I try to keep the days as normal as possible, but today has been so difficult in so many ways. The pull i had to come to my partners house was overwhelming and I couldn’t stop myself. Maybe it will act as therapy. The morning, where I always made her a cup of tea and took it to her in bed, maybe more difficult, & she always told me I made the best tea, Oh to hear her say that again.
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Ade, we all handle grief differently, what works for one might not work for the other. So there is no right or wrong way. I’m afraid unless you are on this path, you do not understand it. I have also seemed to have lost my friends along with my wife. You are still very early in your grief and this time of year is hard. This is my first Christmas/ New year alone and its not easy. Please look after yourself.
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Sorry for your loss , I am also on my with my dogs for company . There’s no right or wrong way to cope with the grief you are feeling . The people on here understand how you are feeling, because they are experiencing the same thing. I have also lost friends since my husband died suddenly 3 months ago . Look after yourself and keep posting on here . There’s always someone who will offer you some support
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I found comfort in going to the grave and have to go there every Sunday. Do whatever feels right for you.
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It happens Ade, it happens!1 This resonate with me. In the early 2020s we hosted three NYE gatherings for three other couples involving my wife’s friends. Not one couple ever reciprocated, it led to bitter words. Now she’s gone 3 months ago, the ghosting has begun, no RSVPs for the spare wheel, why bring the rest of us down. Another painful reminder of how hard abandonment and isolation truly feels
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Romski59, I can very easily see how you suddenly being excluded by the other couples led to words being said. Im very close to snapping. My partners best friend who lives 150 miles away (& who i had never met before before my partners death) has now become a dear friend, the one person that offers support, frequent phone calls and every day texts. My drinking buddies seem to think I can just carry on as normal, and a single friend who lives 2 miles away has not once suggested going out, or even just rang to see how I am. Yes I am very very bitter & angry about it, but I avoid confrontations, so just let it go.
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Hello Ade. At least you have made a hopefully lasting connection with your partners best friend.. My own friends stay in touch and understand how much it means to interrupt the isolation. Can’t help but take it personally to some degree, was I never considered to be good company or quite right for my wife?? What does it take for a well meant txt or invitation for coffee. I just don’t understand the mentality of this hurtful behaviour
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Ade
Sadly ,lonlieness and emptiness is one of the biggest factors of depression in grieving, I was lucky this xmas and NYE,I have 2 supportive sons and daughter in law ,and 4 beautiful young grandchildren that I now focus on when I’m rock bottom, coming home to a empty house breaks me and Winter exaggerates the condition, now at 70 I have returned to the gym and walking to try and physically reduce the pain of my grief,we were together 50 years,married 48 years,try and stay close to family and friends, you will find that friends don’t know how to support you in your grief,I had my wife’s best friend and her husband who fully appreciated what I’m going through and I confide in them when and why I’ve had a bad day,night, they are brilliant listeners.
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Romski, you have hit the nail on the head, one text or phone call, someone to think of me and just a chat, doesn’t take much does it? My partners brother doesn’t live close (about 80 miles away) but ive tried to keep.him involved a bit, I sent pictures of when myself & her friend scattered her ashes (she had a pure cremation so no ceremony) and pictures since of when ive laid flowers & pictures of certificates ive found regarding her work for the UN in the 90’s….. absolutely nothing back, not even a thanks, zero. Not only is that hurtful for me, I cant imagine what my partner would think. You know he didnt even ring his mum to give her his best wishes at Christmas, shes 88 & lives in Edinburgh, and he hasn’t been to see her, shes totally alone up there, though I try to ring her weekly myself. I just want to give up on humanity.
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Ade. its sites like this detailing peoples experiences that show how cruelly disregarding people can be. Its almost if once someone passes, they can kill two birds with one stone, the deceased and the partner ‘ no one liked very much’. My wife had not spoken to her only male cousin for several years once she realised he was a betrayer. She had done a lot for him over the years. I did the decent thing notifying him of her passing and the one line line dismissive, unfeeling reply spoke volumes. Death seems to be the main reason callous people can use for having a social spring clean in their lives once you are no longer useful to them. Take care, friend
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I have also experienced friends who have disappeared after my husband death. I don’t know which worse friend who don’t contact you . Are friends who say they meet up with you and don’t contact you
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In adversary you find our who your true friends are,as I’ve discovered in the 16months since my wife passed away.
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They say you find out who are friends are when you need them .Nothing could be truer
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We all want friends when we are not bereaved but we actually need those friends during and after losing someone even more.
Unfortunately some just don’t understand as their lives haven’t been changed but sadly it will one day, one way or another…then they will understand..
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