Oh I'm fine thank you..

How many times have I replied to a casual “how are you?” with oh I’m fine thank you.
Want to shout, no I’m not fine I’m devastated, screaming inside, but paint on a smile and carry on.
It’s difficult, twenty two months now and though I miss my partner every day I will not give up on this life.
Covid has made things more difficult bringing isolation from friends and family but I have a garden and lovely rural walks.
Would my partner want to see me in the depths of despair?
No! Just as I would never have wanted this deep grief and sadness for him.
So when I feel I’m falling apart I just imagine him standing there telling me these things happen and we have to carry on and make the best of things.
Easier said than done but I shall try and keep on trying until maybe one day I look forward, not back, but always carry him with me.
Hugs to all.

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Thankyou for this post and so nice to hear from you. What you say is so true, I feel exactly the same as I am sure many member do. I was told I could sink or swim and I decided that I wanted to swim although I did feel like sinking most days in the beginning. I also noticed that, who wanted to be bothered with someone with a constantly miserable face, so you paint that smile on it and get on with life.
My husband would have said exactly the same as yours. Quiet, loving, kindhearted but practical, sometimes to the point of being annoying. He would have got on with life and enjoyed his hobbies just as I am trying to do.
Like you, when I have those days when I am not coping too well I ask him what he would do. Yes I am trying but my husband would probably say “Yes very trying”.
Love to you
Pat
xxx

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Hi Pattidot
I tend to dip in and out of the site when at a bit of a low point.
It’s always good to read about your positive outlook on your life.
Sink or swim it is.
Like you I also have no desire to drown!
X

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Still lovely to hear from you as we have been on this journey about the same length of time. I also still find the forum very helpful at times even after all this time whether to help or to be helped.
Pat
xx

i lost my partner to Covid 19 but I have never felt scared until today much as I loved my partner I do not want to join him just yet. But I am a T A and am required to go to work even though the numbers are sky high. At nearly 61 I am at risk and having asthma and in the past pleurisy and pneumonia the stakes are high. So no tonight I am just not fine.

I read somewhere that fine is ‘feelings inside not expressed.’ I usually say, ‘Good days and bad days.’ I had a really bad day last week. We (we chose them together) have what you might call chandeliers in the living room and they have candle bulbs which don’t seem to last very long and when they go I can’t see to sew etc. There was nothing for it but to walk up the big hill to the ‘everything shop’. I presented a bulb, ‘What watt is it?’ ‘I don’t know. My husband dealt with this and he died in March.’ I was fine and treated myself to coffee. Walking back down the hill I started to cry and by the time I opened the front door I was sobbing uncontrollably. I’m a tough girl and I’m capable but I’m not fine.

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What a lovely post. My wife was a very positive person, and would not want me feeling so much pain, as I did at first. It’s nearly two years now since she went and at times it’s still painful but I soldier on. I find life is still worth living. So many good friends around, both on here and elsewhere. They are helpful and understand. Those who promised so much help have gone, and I’m not sorry. One day you will look forward and not back. None of us can ever forget. Impossible! But the memories can become more positive in time.
Be kind to yourself. John.

Dear 12remember
Thank you for your lovely post which resonates with me completely. Saying thank you I am fine is almost an automatic response these days. Some days I am fine - but certainly not all. But I take it that when they ask - they care. They may not be able to handle it if we really told them - so I am fine or similar response means they will continue to ask. I know with some of my friends I can really tell them - but most of the time I want to spare their feelings and not make them feel uncomfortable.
Like you I imagine Gary saying come on you can do this. I know I can and when I first lost him - I felt him saying how sorry he was for leaving me- that he could not help it. I knew that - but because of that feeling I have no wish to make him feel bad . For to truly love is to always put the other person first. And that is what he always did.
Take care all xx

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Dear DebMid
Would your doctor not advise you to go to work and provide such advice to the school. You are still suffering badly from grief so you may find they will sign you off anyway.
It is a scary place at the moment and especially without the support of the person we lost. I am so sorry you lost your partner this way so it must make it doubly worse for you. I too am in the at risk group -but able to work from home and not venture out - I think I may give up work if I had to. Take care.
xxx

A friend asked me today how are you my reply.
I am still breathing and I am here.
They looked at me for a moment then poured the tea.
I get uncomfortable when asked how are you because I am not okay but feel to spare others feelings I say I am ok. I figure if I say what I said people will stop asking then I wont be upset inside and then my emotions spill out.
I know some mean well some just ask out of habit. I have reached a point where I dont want to hear time heals it will be okay you have the girls. :exploding_head: my head will explode if I keep hearing such things.
But I am positive in my thoughts. Positive that people are getting on my nerves. How bitter do I sound. Well thats that really.

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Hi,
I often say I’m still alive or that I have good days and bad days. I have had every platitude and I just let them wash over me.People mean well but they don’t know what to say. I’d rather they said something than ignored me because they don’t know what to say. Unless you have lost a life-partner you do not know of the crushing, debilitating grief and emptiness than can affect the one left behind. I try to be positive. I can’t help you other than to tell you that you are not alone. X

Hi thankyou
There is no help for the likes of me dont take that anyways. I know there is help but I am all for helping me I dont do councelling or such stuff for me its a no. But really I am getting on with it I just like everyone here have days when I cannot be bothered to beat about the bush and tolerate stupid. I will get to be me again one day but for now I will be mrs jekyl and mrs hyde.

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Fine can also mean “fed-up, insecure, neurotic, emotional”, but I don’t feel fed-up, there’s another anglo-saxon word that suits me better - the rest do apply though.

I try not to be angry or upset when people ask, or say the platitudes we’re all familier with, and have usually used ourselves before we became members of this terrible club. They mean well and don’t know what to say for fear of causing upset. At least by asking they’re acknowledging that she was here and no longer with us. Still hurts when they ask though, and more often than not I can feel myself becoming tearful.

just in case anyone thinks that I’m a happy/clappy sort of person, I too am positive that people are generally getting on my nerves.

Take care all, D

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Dear Trish F work is the only thing that is keeping me even part way sane. Take care. xx

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Tillwemeetagain ; “Positive that people are getting on my nerves”.
Bitter.
Yes, that does sound bitter.
And refreshingly one hundred percent honest. Well done you.
I hope you are having a good day, or a good half a day at least. Don’t please let your head explode ( not the best idea ). Come on here and be courageous and honest, and spit out what ever you need to. It’s a relief - not only for you - for me.

Hi Will58
Thankyou for your reply.
Yes today is not to bad the sun is shining it helps sometimes feeling the warmth.
But theres always a but I can go from nice me to anger in a split second its amazing how out of control our thoughts get. I used to be so patient now not so much.
I find I count to ten a lot more now lol
This life now is such a s**t storm I just want the sunshine back.
On a lighter side at least the radio is playing christmas songs so it can drag it out even longer and we can all cheer up, Not :roll_eyes:

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Tillwemeetagain You were doing so well then mentioned the “C” word.

Only kidding. Yes, the sun helps. Sometimes. It did today anyway. I actually DID something.

Let you get back to Wizard and Slade. Bye for now.

Will 58
If only they would play the old songs would be more pleasurable to listen to for now I will keep the ear muffs in.
Doing something certainly helps to pass some time finding the oomph is another thing but its nice to achieve even the smallest of things for now.

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