17 months of doing things alone and I’m hating every minuet .
There’s all the things in the house decorating, maintenance, both inside and outside.
Robs little dog now age 15 is slowing down as you would expect but today has been a good day for him but I’m so dreading anything happening to him as I feel it’s a link to my Rob and again it’s something else I’m finding so So hard to deal with .
I would give ANYTHING to be back with Rob but I know only too well how that’s going to happen and Iv been on the Suicide road and don’t want to go on it again thanks .
Life just sucks to have a couple who have worked so hard to get to retirement done things right with work ethics and bringing up two kids between us and to reach the point where we were at the point to have more time together and WHAM he’s taken so suddenly with no warning whatsoever full blown heart attack for someone who devoted his time as a nurse and was so proud of his profession . We met at our local hospital so our work wasn’t easy but it was our chosen profession .
Now my whole world has been smashed and will never ever mend I miss him more than any amount of words could ever say
Yes I know, the healthiest of people can have hidden problems that show their ugly head unexpectedly xxx
Aware of angina in family, totally healthy guy, next thing we know he & cousin having bi passes. Cousin still totally well 10 years later. Other, heart hunky dory 10 years later but then found had cancer & had not had symptoms so didn’t get long:disappointed_relieved: we never know what tomorrow may bring, but now we are prepared ( well more than we were) 
hugsx
I know exactly what you mean Kazzer. We were just getting to that time of our lives when we were meant to be able to think more about ourselves and enjoy time as a couple. Like you, we worked so hard, thinking that we could then have a decent retirement. Now, it’s either so those things alone or never do them. Life just doesn’t make sense does it?
Same here Kazzer. Four months from my retirement and we had everything planned out only for it to be snatched away in the blink of an eye. We were both good honest, hardworking people who thought we had the whole world and adventures ahead of us. I had our little grandson today and went out for a walk and cried throughout, trying to hide the tears if he turned to look at me. But other than our kids and grandsons, this world holds nothing for me.
Dear Kazzer
Same for us- Sunny was a nurse and had just started a new university job that he really loved. I’m a nurse and we were talking about me going part time after 35 years full time NHS. So many plans for little holidays, moving to where my family are, etc. Nothing excessive, just normal mid to late 50s plans, slowing down a little and enjoying ourselves together after many setbacks and sadnesses. But no such luck, he had a rare lung condition which suddenly got worse, he got pneumonia and died. I will have to keep working full time until god only knows when. I miss him so so SO much.
Love to you
Sophie x
That’s one of the hardest things for me. Mark was 10 years older than me (70) and already retired and I was hoping to retire at 60 to enjoy some retirement together. But cancer had other plans for us I left work in2019 to look after him. Got 6 years til I get my pension. Have to draw on his private pension to get by. Worked all our lives and he only got a few months of retirement to enjoy before he got poorly and didn’t benefit from his pension because he wanted to make sure there was as much as possible for me. Life is so unfair xx
We were the same, just taken early retirement, Ian lived for 7 months after being diagnosed with terminal kidney cancer. He had shown no symptoms, came from nowhere.
It’s not as sudden as it was for you Kazzer but still such a shock…then to be left on my own without my lovely man is unbearable.
I miss him, I miss him, I miss him and always will
We were also the same. Our hopes and future retirement plans smashed to smithereens. Alicia was due to retire in November and me in 2024 after both of us working so hard all our lives and looking forward to time together without the pressure of work. Life is so unfair and l seem to always draw the short straw. Alicia never benefited one penny from her nhs pension or state pension after paying in for over 40 years.
Take care all x
We were the same he had two payments if his pension, never made the state pension but now I think he never committed to when he would finish work, all our hopes and dreams gone his one regret is that he would never see our three year old grandson grow up, I know he is in eternity in a better place not suffering anymore but I miss him so very much xx
I’m sure it does you are just yet to discover it, same for most of us x
Mab
My wife was overjoyed when our grandson was born over 5 years ago and was looking forward to seeing him grow up. The weekend before she passed away he said to her he wanted to learn to play chess (she had already taught him to play draughts) she ordered a book from amazon on teaching young children chess. Ironically the book arrived on the day she passed away. She never did get to teach him.
Her other regret is that she would not see her daughter, my step daughter, get married in August next year. She was so excited and happy when her daughter announced her engagement in September. Her and her oldest friend had already discussed wedding outfits.
My wife’s sudden passing was a a complete shock and was not suffering from pain other than what most people get as we grow older. I miss her so much.
Take care. X
Four days before my husband died I broke down and he comforted me, we knew he didn’t have long and he said look to our two sons and especially our grandson, he knew it was going to be difficult for me and I love him for the fact we could speak of it, we thought we had weeks but we only had eight days and at the end it was all such a crisis we never had a chance to say goodbye I loved him dearly and although it’s hard I carry on for him I struggle every day with the jobs around the house and helping my two sons with my grandson and dog and I feel I have the weight of the world on my shoulders but it’s all for my lovely husband wherever he is now, life is cruel and we’ve all been hit very hard but we’re a community and we’re in it together which makes me feel I’m not alone hugs to everyone xx
My Husband has already retired and was trying to convince me to take my retirement. I was going to retire in a few months. I thought we had loads of time together. I love him so much but he was taken away from me so suddenly. I feel as if half of me has gone with him. We did everything together. Life is so hard without him
Very sorry for your loss Irene.
Losing our partners is such a deeply painful time
You will find alot of support and understanding from people here. One day at a time…
Love from Sophie x
It does seem so unfair doesn’t it? My husband had just given up his registration as a paramedic , I had just claimed my state pension and our retirement life was due to start. Instead he was diagnosed with terminal kidney cancer having had no symptoms until the cancer was too advanced and aggressive. I now have a life that is I not we , I miss him so so much and it really is hard carrying on.
Ian was exactly the same, no symptoms until he had a seizure one morning, and like your husband we learned his kidney cancer was advanced and terminal. So difficult to come to terms with
So sorry Irene. I understand totally that you feel half of you has gone with your husband. I’m the same. Life is so hard without them. It’s the loss of your love, your soul mate, your best friend, your entire life… 
Thanks JaneyS for your message. You have summed it up so well.
MAB
As my wife passed away suddenly l never got to say good bye. I am existing day to day, l am not living. Like you l do jobs around the house and have my grandson when ever his mum asks me if I could have him either for a few hours or for a sleepover. He has been my saviour. I don’t know what l would have done without him. As you can imagine l spoil him something rotten, but isn’t it what grandparent’s are for.
I find messaging on this forum a great help as l can express my sorrow without burdening my family.
Take care x
Hello Barbara, I was in the same situation. Now 13 months of being on my own. My family are busy with their own lives. Thankfully I have good friends. I have got another 18 months until I get the pension that we were all robbed of.