On a downwards spiral

Hello to whoever reads this,
It’s been 3& half months now since I lost my dad, I saw him everyday before then and I still can’t cope. After he died because I was the one to make sure everything was done accordingly to what he wanted planning the funeral, somehow helped me cope better since then though I feel like I’m on a downwards spiral and I can’t get off. I’m so angry with everyone who didn’t in my eyes care & do enough for him while he was here & im so saddened I’m never going to see him again. My hearts been broken, he’s been my only parent for the last 10years & done possibly everything he could for me & me him during his illness. Now all I feel is emptiness and alone. I constantly have that weight in my throats when you just need to cry. I’m stuck & I just don’t know what to do…

Oh Jen

So sorry not to be awake to read this. You poor thing, middle of the night is the pits when you can’t sleep and mind races about everything that has happened. I feel the same some days, that my heart has been ripped out. At the three month period too and all feels so awful, colder weather, not so much sun. Just miss hearing her voice so much.

I have no suggestions but please know I am thinking of you.

Mel xx

Hello Jen, I am so sorry that you are going through such a terrible time at the moment. It sounds as if you shared a wonderful relationship with your Dad, and that you were such a kind, caring daughter to him, particularly during the last ten years of his life.
I know at the moment you are going through so many mixed emotions, and just can’t imagine a time in the future when you will be happy again. I am sure your beloved father would want you now to start looking after yourself, and to find some new opportunities and friends, without him by your side. Please believe me, you will gradually learn to adapt to this new life, even though you will continue to miss your Dad, and be able to look back on the happy times you both had together. With kind regards, Jackie

Hi jen I know how you feel it’s been nearly 5 months since my dad died he had lung cancer, I’ve been through an emotional roller coaster sad and angry lonely guilty I think it’s normal. But now I just miss him I don’t cry very often because he hated it when I was upset , but my heart is broken my daddy he was my biggest fan no matter what I’d done, and it kills me I will never see him again, I’m a very private person even my family thinks I’m ok, but I’m not because it won’t get fixed he’s gone and I to live with it.
Hope you find peace
Kelly xx

Sorry I haven’t been on to reply to either of your messages, I’m still finding it very hard but thanks to medication I am finally sleeping after 4months the doctors are finally starting to help! Although that doesn’t void the grief which I wish sometimes it could… I still miss him everyday and feel lost as my days was filled with his care which I sadly miss even though I know he hated having to be cared for! Life is just so different without my dad, there’s emptiness & if I’m honest I’m not coping so I can’t give either of you any advice apart from just try to be the person your loved one loved, I feel like I’m loosing myself a little in this grief but I know my dad would want me to be strong as I was always the strong one so I’m determined to get as much help as possible as I’m not able to help myself at the moment…Keep smiling xx

Hi Jen

I’m always here if you need to rant, take care.
Kelly xx

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Hi Jen

So sorry to hear and big hugs; I feel exactly the same; 46 years old and still a daddy’s girl; lost dad in May. I wish there was a magic wand. I find it hard putting on a brave face; then at the end of each day I just sigh, sink and drink…

Just know you are not alone.x

Hi

Losing a parent (or in my case I have now lost both) is just so awful. Expected to be grown up as am in my 50s but just find I have become a little girl again mentally. Find everything insurmountable to cope with and get so little support from others, live on my own. All the friends and neighbours who say just knock on the door if you want to chat. As if you can do that constantly and become a pest to others.

Was doing fairly well until last week, eating soup I had made and that sort of thing but have now lost my appetite and everything tastes horrible. The only pleasant thing to do is go to bed with a hot water bottle but then can’t sleep!

Things can only get better as the song goes.

Hi
Was just thinking of horrible memories then had this email, I also live alone it’s so tough I can usually give good advice but not tonight a bit sad.
Kelly x

Hi Mel

It’s awful not being able to sleep hence I’m writing this at 2.16 am. I’ve turned to drinking every night to try and take the edge away and although I have a wonderful network of friends, I don’t think anyone realises what it’s like until they have been there. I am dreading Christmas, my first without dad.

Big hugs.x

Hi

Yes i have some great friends but don’t like to keep on ringing them and calling. Am going out for coffee to one of Mum’s friends today which is good. She rang up to see how I was and i sort of invited myself!

Have been talked into going away for Christmas with a relative, don’t want to go but booked and paid for so have to go now.

Mel

Hi everyone,
i am also dreading Christmas first without my dad & my birthday on the 7th because he was always the first voice I heard wishing me happy birthday every year & this year I won’t hear it at all! It’s so hard, I find sleeping also hard and did turn to drinking but I knew that wasn’5 doing me any good either so I’ve got some medication from go to help with that & although it does it seems to be making me so emotional, feeling very useless! It’s such a rollacoaster I’m now finding as I seem to be coping less the longer it’s been rather than it getting better.
Keep your chins up…
We all here for each other x

Hi

My birthday was last month I was dreading opening my card off my mam without dad on there, but she bought me angel wing pandora charm and the label said from your angel I cried but it was special Christmas we’ve decided to go out for lunch it’s over and done with then.

Kelly xx

Hi Kel

That first birthday without them is so awful. I had this recently and didn’t want to celebrate it at all. People were so kind that day, friend of Mum’s asked me round for cake, that sort of thing but just couldn’t get past knowing the one person i wanted there couldn’t be.

Worse for me is would have been my Mum’s birthday next week. Already getting worked up about it.

One thing I have found is that I don’t always cry silently anymore. Seem to need to absolutely bawl my eyes out at intervals to relieve the stress.

Hoping all on this forum have had a reasonable day and have muddled through somehow.

Mel

Meant to say also, love the idea of an angel Pandora charm. I have a bracelet and will go and buy myself one in memory of Mum so thank you for that Kel.

Hi Mel

If you need to bawl love do it it doesn’t help to be brave now, hope you find comfort in the charm, I definitely did.

Kelly xx

Hi I know how you are feeling lost my mum in may and I am lost and I miss her so much and get so angry and frustrated this jorney such a rollercoaster of emotions but we are all hear if you want a rant take it one day at a time look after yourself sending you big hugs

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Hi Jen & Mel, it is 3 weeks since my Mum passed away now & I organised all the funeral saw to my Mum’s clothes hair & make-up which did help a little but since her burial last week, I have not been able to stay away from her grave. My tears have become less but sometimes it feels like I am on the outside looking in, like my mind isn’t right. Everything reminds me of her everywhere I go, her death was so sudden sometimes it still doesn’t feel real. I have 3 children all with additional needs, the two eldest understand but my youngest at 5 doesn’t, all they’re interested in is Christmas but I don’t want to think about it, I have no interest in anything even their homework. Is this normal, I wish I could go away for time by myself.

Grief is like an illness it makes you feel like you got no energy or intrest in anything, it’s all normal darl just take 1 day at a time you will have ups and downs, sometimes I’m so sad I don’t do anything other days I feel a bit better just try and think of happy times and memories that you shared, I know how hard it is but you will start smiling again.
Take care
Kelly x

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Thanks for replying Kelly. I feel exactly like that, like i’m carrying a huge weight around all the time, my Dad is still here but has dementia, bi-polar & M.S hence why I have had to sort everything. Thankfully social servs have been good about his on-going care so he is being looked after to a certain extent although he seems to have deteroriated since Mum passed away. I worry about him, he is constantly weeping saying he can’t believe she’s gone. We are deeply confused at how one day Mum was talking, walking around seeing to Dad then the next just dead, it’s like we know she is but our minds won’t take it in.

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