Well today I had a new carpet fitted. My first worry was that it wouldn’t fit. Phil was an engineer so always did the measuring. It’s not that I’m not capable, it’s just that he always did it. “Measure twice, cut once” he would say.
Then I had to pull some staples out of the floor. Armed with a large screwdriver and pliers I crawled round the room poking the screwdriver in and pulling the staples out. All the time I could hear Phil saying “what ARE you doing woman?” At which point I would normally have asked him how to do it properly and he’d have show me. We did a lot of DIY together and he would always show me how to use all the tools and let me try. I was never very good!
Then I felt him flinch as I slipped and cut my finger. Then came the tears as I felt so stupid and angry. I so wished he was there to take over. It took me an hour to do what would have taken him 10 minutes.
But I did it. I didn’t give up and I feel like I’ve achieved something. I’ve got sore knees and a cut finger and maybe I’m not ready to take on the drill yet but at least I know how to use it when I need to and with Phil’s help my confidence has grown a bit and maybe it’s one small step to accepting that I might, just might, be ok as long as he’s always there to help me.