One of my worst days ☹️

It’s 3 weeks today since my 42 year old husband passed away suddenly in hospital. He had only been ill since the Monday and we still don’t know fully why he took so unwell so suddenly as he was a fit & healthy man. The ICU consultant has spoken with me & I’m going to speak to all my husband’s drs who looked after him on Thursday. PM done didn’t show anything so we have to wait 6-9 months for further testing. The daily mental torture is awful in not knowing. I keep trying to tell myself Mark is at peace now but when I visit his grave it doesn’t even feel like it’s his. It’s so surreal. I think to myself maybe if Mark had went to hospital sooner he’d still be here it’s just so painful.

Hi Jooles1. Not knowing just adds to the pain. Everything is in a state of uncertainty. Yes, he is at peace and still with you. That golden thread of love will never break. Three weeks is so little time. The pain at first and for a while can seem unbearable. Gradually, very slowly, it does ease a little and a little can be a lot in bereavement. If you can accept this awful process of grief and go along with it it can help. The feeling of unreality and it all feeling surreal is normal at this time. We can’t believe it happened. ‘What ifs’ come thick and fast. Maybe!!! But how could you possibly know? None of us know from one day to the next what will happen. When the unexpected hits us out of the blue and is so sudden the pain can be great.
One day at a time Jooles. Take care of yourself. I hope you have some help close to you. Blessings.

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Thankyou Jonathan
Yes I do have 2 beautiful daughters and good family and friends for support. I agree in what your saying that no one can predict that someone is going to become so unwell and pass away none of us saw that coming. I know we just have to take a day at a time. It helps to know that others like yourself know the pain that we are going through

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