One true love

I met Jim in 1994 when we worked together for same company both of us was in a abusive relationship mine was mental Jim’s was physical (men don’t like talking about being abused by their wives). But we got together and later moved in together . Everyone said we wouldn’t last 6 months . They got that wrong. Jim was my everything and I was his. We never really argued and always told each other we loved each other when we went to bed. We married in 1998 and I always thought we would be together , but then last August my world fell apart when he died. I will never go with anyone else no one could mean as much to me as my Jim he was my world,my best friend and soulmate. Not one day goes by without me crying and wishing Jim was still here the other day I was in local supermarket and saw something he would have liked and I turned to tell him but he wasn’t there, I burst into tears and just walked out of shop people must have thought I was a crazy lady. If only I could have just one more day with Jim I miss him so so much its unbearable :broken_heart: . Everyday I go up cemetery and sit and talk to him its a very sad and lonely life on my own. We had no children just dogs two of which a boxer called Sam and a jack Russell called Gypsy both died and hopefully with Jim now . My other two little dogs keep me going and give me a purpose to get up in morning. I seem to be rambling sorry but I don’t talk to people all day only got this forum its a life saver.

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Hi I know how you feel . Six months since my hubby died . I could never imagine myself with anyone else but hubby and don’t want anyone else but hubby . I am prepared to wait for however long till I die and are back in his arms were I belong. I find everyday a struggle I put on an act in front of family and work. I still can’t sleep properly I have about an hours sleep each night. I also only eat if I feel really hungry . Coffee and cigs keeping me going . As well as this site where I can let all of my feelings out with out being judged and get a lot of help and support from everyone who replys to me and reading posts and realising how I am feeling is normal and not me losing the plot . It is an awful life we have now xtake carex

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Hi Im new here, I lost my husband last week to Motor Neurone Disease. He was my best friend and soulmate and the love we had for each other was immense! None of my social circle or family can relate to how Im feeling. I take it, this feeling doesnt get any easier

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Hi @Misprint and @Broken2222

I’m so sorry for your losses. I too am in the same boat. My sweetheart of a husband passed away on 10th December 2021 unexpectedly, within a 24 hour period from sepsis. I was and am totally devastaed, my whole world just stopped in an instant. We too had previously been married, both in abusive relationships. We’d known each other many years and started talking after our marriages had broken down and eventually started dating and then got together as a couple in September 2010 and married March 2019.

We had an amazing relationship and marriage, he was so kind, thoughtful, funny and romantic. He used to tell everyone that he felt like he’d died and gone to heaven. I felt the exact same way. This is the first relationship I’d ever had where I knew I was loved completely, and I knew I completely loved my husband.

I miss him so much everyday, I just miss our little life together. I felt like I was living in my own fairytale living " my happily ever after"

I can’t ever imagine being in a place where I’d want to be with someone else, I’m only 50 and my husband was 66. It completely devastates me when I think about the amount of years ahead of me without him.

There are many times it all becomes so overwhelming I just feel like I want to end it. I know I can’t, I have two sons and a stepson and I just couldn’t do that to them. Sometimes it scares me because when the wave hits, you know, the one that feels like a tsunami if emotions and grief, you seem to lose control of your rationale thoughts, and just feel the utter pain of your bottomless loss and despair. That scares me.

I’m due to start my counselling on Friday, I have no idea what to expect, or even if it will help me in any way. I feel like I’ve pinned so much on this counselling I’m scared if it doesn’t help.

I feel good with being on my own, not meeting anyone new, I just couldn’t do it, people tell me it’s because it’s early days like they think if I met someone else it will fix me. They don’t seem to realise I don’t need fixing like that, there is no fixing this. This is forever. :heart:

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Hi sorry to say it hasn’t for me . Six months on and I feel worse every day . I plodd on each day hoping it’s my last so I can be with hubby again . It has helped me on this site a great deal every one is so supportive and helpful and know how I feel . I have sat rabbiting on nearly all night to one person and so thankful they were there to help me. So sorry for your loss . Hope you find some comfort here xtake carex

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Hi this is an awful life we have been left in .i had been with my hubby since we were 16 so he is my life I haven’t known anything else but me and him. I don’t want anything else but him. So sorry for your loss xtake carex

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Hi @Annabel5

I’m sorry for your loss, it’s devasting, isn’t it. I can only talk from my opinion, and have to say no, it doesn’t get easier at all. It’s been 16 weeks and 1 day for me …some things get harder and harder, I still break down all the time, I manage to paint my face on at work for most of the time and have got very friendly with the toilets at work when it all gets too much. This group has been brilliant. At first I was unsure and just used to read the comments. I in fact found it really upsetting to come on and read people’s comments in the early days but as time has moved on I find it a great place to come and share your feelings or stories with other people going through their journey of grief. Keep reading and posting :hugs:

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I feel the same. It’s been 15 months for me. I have 2 faces. My ‘I’m ok’ public face and my deeply sad face I’m not depressed just unbearably sad and it’s hard to keep going some days. But I have 2 sons and a grandchild who keep me going. I do find happiness in day to day life I just struggle to do it alone without my wingman :frowning: I’m having counselling and it does help a bit but I know it’ll never be the same again and that’s the bit that’ll never go away. I just get up every morning and take each day as it comes Being on this forum makes me realise I’m not alone in my thinking x

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So sorry Annabel, it’s very early days for you after losing your husband to this brutal illness.
My best friend lost her husband to MND in 2010, she was 38 and he was 42. They had children, 12 and 10.
What I can say to you when you ask if it gets any easier is that you learn to live with it. My friend’s children, (my god children) are now 24 and 22, both with their own homes and partners now. My friend has done an amazing job and is still on her own, with her dog and is living her life in her house full of her lovely husband’s photo’s and memories of their life together. She is ok.
My husband died 14 months ago, we were both heartbroken at the death of our dear friend with MND but somehow time passes, whether we want it to or not.
We don’t feel better, we just feel different. Missing them constantly, but living our lives in a different way.
I want to say I know how you feel Annabel, although everyone is different, but I do understand how you must be feeling at this devastating time.
Thinking of you
Janey xx

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Your words ring so true :heart:
The number of times when people ask are you ok, you just say yes it is somehow easier. When deep down you want shout, cry out not I’m not okay I never will be again.
I am 13 months down this road. X X

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Learning to live is a real challenge. So much of my life died on the dreadful day that my one true love died. I find that there are so many things as well as my husband that I have to learn to live with, or completely without too. I agree that it’s easier to say that you are ok when in fact on the inside you’re just crumbling away to nothing, I’ve done it many times. It just seems to be the kindest thing to do when you know the person who asked how you are really has no idea how to respond if you tell them the truth. Sending love to you all. x

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Hi Debbie57,
I can totally relate to what you’ve said. It is easier to say you’re OK because I don’t think they truly want to know how broken you feel.
I’m 12 months on this journey and hate every minute of it. Xx

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Hi everyone, I am very new to this grieving journey, having lost my husband around 2 months ago. It’s been quite a rollercoaster of emotions so far! Am really glad that I found this forum. Am just so sorry that we are all grieving and having a difficult time. I totally agree, it’s very difficult to answer people when they ask how you are as the truth might just make them run for the hills! :slightly_smiling_face:

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I totally agree with you @Julie55 you say it very well. I had to go for my age 50 health check the other day at the local health trainer clinic we have in our town, the guy I saw helped my husband and I stop smoking during covid with phone calls, so it’s the first time I’ve actually seen him. I’d only been sat in the room for a few minutes and he asked how Ian, my husband was, instantly tears rolled down my face as I explained he’d passed away just before Christmas, then that was followed up with the, can’t talk when you need to just breathe for a minute to try and gather your “public face” again. It is so hard, and like you get get on with everyday life but the second it stops for even a moment the grief jumps in immediately. I hate it when people talk about moving on it moving forward, my brain just can’t process it. It makes me feel like the only possible way if moving on, or forward, would be to forget him, to forget our life and love. I just can’t see how else you move on and there is no way I could ever do that, quite frankly I just don’t want to. I agree, I’m not depressed, just as sad as I could ever be, it’s like having a huge gaping whole or void in my heart and soul that can’t ever be complete or put back together again. but I’d rather feel like this than forget one second of our life together :broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart:

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Annabel5,
I am sorry for your loss. I do understand the comment about your husband being your best friend and soulmate. My loving wife was my whole world, my everything, my best friend and my soulmate too. I really have no friends and only our son who doesn’t like it when I talk about his Mother. Take care, John

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Not any easier but there are moments of calm. My husband died last November. I am getting sleep now and eating again. It still hurts terribly but I am working hard at finding little comforts like watching a film or going for a walk. I can’t mix with people yet as I keep crying but this forum really helps when I feel I might be going crazy. Whilst I would never wish this on anyone the fact that other people report feeling that I have makes me feel that I am not completely crazy. Hope you can find some comfort.

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