One Year Anniversary - Ideas

Hello Viv3,
I’m in the very early stages of losing my husband on the 9th August this year, I’m finding it very hard after being married for 64yrs, I miss my Pete terribly everyday.
You ask what to do on that day after one year, as our four children all in Australia( I am in the U.K), I am planning to go there to celebrate his life with them, in a local park there which we both loved, celebrating his life with family and friends. I’m just praying that COVID-19 and the new deviants don’t stop my plans.
Having these plans is giving e something to focus on, and just keeps me going at the moment everyday .
Loving thoughts in your time of grief xx

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Hi Viv. Sorry for your loss. I spent my first anniversary by turning off my phone; lighting a memorial candle and taking a long walk. I couldn’t visit his gravesite because he’s buried across the country. It was peaceful.

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Hi Viv
I have just gone through the first anniversary of losing my husband. I had decided to spend the day alone but my friend wouldn’t let me. We went to an art gallery and had lunch where my husband and I used to go.
I then went to my son’s house for supper. We sat around talking about my husband’s little quirks. It was lovely. What they didn’t know was that I had spent nearly a full week in tears and had cried my self dry.

My thoughts are that everyone finds their own way of dealing with these anniversaries so I suggested you do what is right for you. I am alone here now and I miss him with an ache every day. But my only consolation is that he is not suffering any more and he is beside me with every breath I take.
Look after yourself.

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First anniversary for me is mid January. Married 34 years together for 40 years. Coming on here always makes me understand that I’m not alone in how I am thinking. Talking to people who still have their husbands as well meaning as they are, is so difficult as I feel they must be thinking ‘surely she’s moving on’. I had a real meltdown weekend where I absolutely couldn’t find a way to move forward. My youngest son lives with me and as hard as it is for him too he’s like my jiminy cricket. He made me understand that I shouldn’t always feel guilty about being here and that it’s ok to be happy Christmas is so daunting. We always have a big tree and lights outside and I wasn’t sure if I could do it. But we’ve decided the tree will be up and the lights will go on.

Does it make sense to people if I say that sometimes I have to ‘forget’ Tony in order to move forward?? He wouldn’t want me to break down and thinking about him constantly was heading that way. I still love him so much and miss him every day but I also have to accept that he’s physically not here xx
Julie

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Julie 55

I’m sure your Tony would be proud of you and your son. You will never forget, life does go on, as hard as it is you still have life, so enjoy your lights, remember the happy times, acceptance is very hard, but I believe its the key to the door we all are seeking.
Hugs Chrissy3

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Chrissy3

Thanks for that As I said it’s so reassuring to hear from others who are totally on the same page. Acceptance feels very final but it does bring a form of release from the overwhelming guilt x

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Hi, I lost my husband a year ago October very suddenly, I don’t know how I got through the year, I am still struggling to this day, but I spent his anniversary in our home I had my tears and I also had my happy thoughts of all our wonderful happy 24yrs together. Each of us are all different and deal with our grief in different ways, I have a wonderful family but i find it so hard to talk how I feel. I am so pleased I have joined this group as I now no I can chat to people who are feeling the same. As like you I had no goodbyes as he collapsed suddenly with a heart attack at his golf club and the last words I said to him before he left the house was see you later. Like you say the list goes on if only he stayed home if only I was with him. Take care. Like I say I am so glad to have found this site.

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Hi Katie. So glad to hear from such as yourself that my feelings are totally normal. I currently have a public face - ‘I’m ok’ is my stock answer. And I have my private face on my own crying buckets.

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Dear katie2

I lost my husband September 2020. He went out on his motorbike and rang me at lunchtime. Our last words were also see you later. Police drove me at speed to the hospital but did not make it in time but from his injuries he would never have heard me and son. I too still struggle on a daily basis.

Take care. People on this site will help - they all understand our position.

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Hello all, so the anniversary came and went. I spent the morning with my Mum and the rest of the day with my daughter. We went to the church and laid some flowers, came home, lit a candle and then reminisced for the rest of the day. It was a sad day, but not as bad as I had imagined it would have been. The past few weeks have been stressful, my hubby died suddenly, so have been reliving the events of the day, over and over. It didn’t help that I had to have my work appraisal during this time, and was really disappointed that my boss didn’t even ask how I was or take into consideration what I had been through this year along with holding down a job. But there you go, nothing surprises me with people anymore, just glad I can come on here and share. Take care all x

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Dear Viv3

I spent the first anniversary alone and watched the clock remembering when he had gone off on the bike, the time he called and we last spoke and then the time the police answered his mobile and my nightmare began.

I am sorry about your workplace. In a previous job I was a senior manager and one of my team received a call to say that his mam had received a devastating prognosis. I sent him home after a cup of tea and told him I was giving him compassionate leave so that he could spend precious time with his mam. She died three weeks later. My superiors took a very dim view of my decision and I got a ‘good hiding’ but I have no regrets and looking back I still stand by my decision. Companies as many of us have found out when dealing with pensions/spousal support have very little empathy for their employees. My daughter and son both had similar experiences to yourself.

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HI Julie55, this has been my first time on here. And thank you for your reply. I too have a public face. I feel like I am in a snow storm and my legs are heavy and finding it so hard to get through it. You take care of yourself.

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Hi Shelia26 I am so sorry for your loss too. He had only been out the house an hour. When I had the call to say he had collapsed. My heart broke as I could not get there and they took him by Air Ambulance to Cardiff hospital and We live in North Devon. Plus covid I could not go to the hospital. But they did allow me on the day they needed to switch off his machine as he never came round at all. Which gave me some comfort he did not suffer. There seem a lot of lovely people on here. And this is my first time on here. And I am finding comfort from this. Take care.

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Dear katie2

My husband was airlifted by the Great North Air Ambulance to the hospital in Newcastle. It was made even more painful for my son in particular as this was the hospital that his son was born in and spent first three months of his life in ICU until discharged just before first lockdown.

Yes there are lovely people on here - unfortunately all on the same terrible journey as ourselves.

Take care.

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Katie2
I have things in common with you. I was married for 24 years and David had an accident in Cornwall while we were on holiday in October 20. He fell and bashed his head on a stone wall and was carted off to Derriford in Devon. I wasn’t allowed to go with him or see him. I told the hospital that I must go home to Barnet, so they let me see him once. I didnt know how illo he was. After many mistakes he was repatriated to Barnet North London where he caught Covid and died 7 weeks after the accident.
Still hard to bare - I loved him
M so much.
Tricia

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So sorry. I lost my husband of 40 years 13 months ago to Covid. I’m just lost without him.
Barbara

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Hi Sheila, it’s disappointing how “superiors” act. I had been guilt tripped to return to work after 3 weeks. When I returned I had a backlog of work and they even postponed some meetings for me to deal with on my return. I couldn’t believe it, I honestly don’t know how I got through it. I can remember sitting at my desk crying and stressed out. Some people have absolutely no idea.

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Hi Katie

So sorry for your loss. I don’t know what is worse dealing with a sudden death, or watching a loved one in pain. My hubby died suddenly. I was only talking to him a few minutes before, I tried CPR but he had already gone. It’s the no goodbye that’s the worse, it is so final, and hard to take in, even now 12 months on I have to remind myself that this is not going to change. Take care x

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Hi everyone , it’s coming up to first Anniversary of losing my darling husband on 5th December. I’ve been really emotional since November( 20th was last day I saw him alive) He had MND only confirmed in October & he had MNF dementia. He made me promise he wouldn’t die alone and it hurts so much that like many others he was alone :cry:. I’m going to scatter the remainder of his ashes on the 5th in the beautiful grounds of the Crematorium. Then on the 7th they’re having a humanist memorial service for everyone who had a service in 2020. I think it’s a lovely gesture and sure it will be a comfort to everyone who attends :broken_heart:

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I was also with my husband 25 years , he feel in the kitchen and ended up with a very serious brain injury. It was made more serious as they keept him waiting in a&e for 2 hrs then when they realised how bad it was they all started to panic etc. It was so awful and was not allowed to see him. I have such regrets ido wish I insisted on seeing him and asked more questions. He got covid while in hospital and passed away so not allowing me to visit was pointless.
It’s hard not even being able to say good bye or all the things you would love to say to them.
Sending all my thoughts to you all