I’ve been doing well, keeping myself so busy that some days I rarely think of all the horrendous stuff I’ve been through. Some days whilst I’m busy I sometimes forget my husband is dead. It feels as if he’s just at work or something. In the beginning I wanted to die, I had crippling anxiety for months. Slowly but surely I come out of it and I’ve tried to rebuild my life.
I was a little shocked yesterday that a lady who knew my husband looked dumbfounded at how well I looked and was doing, she kept asking if I missed him. Of course I do but it comes in waves. I think some people expect us to permanently wear black and look Sombre.
I feel conflicted really. I’m still young and want to actually try to enjoy life again. In the beginning I didn’t see that ever happening for me. This doesn’t mean that I don’t love and miss my husband with all my heart.
The actual one year mark has made feel quite depressed and has brought back feelings of this time last year.
I’m sorry you’ve experienced this but we’ll done for getting on with life and not letting it destroy you.
I do struggle with everyone else’s perception of what grief should look like on a person and can only assume it was said by someone who hasn’t gone through it.
Don’t beat yourself up for doing well. I to want to be happy and get on with life and there’s nothing wrong with that. As I’ve said before, they are not coming back and life goes on and we have a lot of life to live.
Thank you. It just made me feel like “am I over it too soon?” I know I’m not and I’ll never be over it, it does however change daily. The days turn into weeks then months and then years.
Unfortunately life goes on, I’d rather be dead if I had to stay in the place I was when he first died forever.
It’s so strange looking back at the process we have to go through to get to where we are now. I see new posters write things how I felt at first. This site was a lifeline for a while, you know you’re healing when you don’t have to come on daily. It’s still nice though to check in with everyone from time to time.
@Kat1984 your post resonates with me. I too want to move on from the very dark place I was in at the beginning of this journey. It’s nearly 6 months for me and I have a lot better days than I did but sometimes feel guilty for wanting to find happiness with life again. I think I’ve also got this far by keeping busy & distracting myself. As @Ali29 says we have a lot of life to live. People who haven’t lost a partner will never understand how grief affects us. Well done for making a life after devastating loss.
I remember going on a night out with my sister and I got tipsy and was having so much fun dancing and laughing and I thought if anyone could see me they’d probably be thinking, “how could she be having fun when her husband has just died?”
I don’t really care what anyone says as I know how I feel. Days like today I’m a mess but it does now come and go xx
@Kat1984 you are so right . We do things to try and help us . I loved to dance before this horrendous loss so why shouldn’t I try again now . He is all of my heart and I will never lose that no matter what I do .
Of course you miss & love your Husband.but we are still alive & Life goes on & we are all different at grieving & if we want to move on & not be miserable.we have to put some action in ourselves as we have to move through our grief.like you l keep busy.work go out & interact with neighbour & friends as much as possible & live in the Day.as none of us know how long we are here for.& time just flies.So well done you for getting out there.just keep going.Sending you love & light X