One year on

It was one year yesterday since my husband died, today is his birthday and tomorrow our 46 th anniversary. But I am completely numb, I can’t feel anything it’s as if it’s happened to someone else . I haven’t been able to deal with any of his estate or anything since he died. I haven’t even stayed in our home, I have slept in daughters settee or friends since he went. Is this natural or did I never care, what is wrong with me ??

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Hi sorry for your loss it’s been a year for my husband passing I still feel numb in shock still think he will appear. I have just started counselling with Sue Ryder. I have managed to sort out the estate and everything. I still can’t part with anything of his. Toothbrush razor etc still in bathroom clothes in wardrobe etc. It’s in our own time and it’s normal with grief. Take care

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Hi there isnt anything wrong with you, you are coping your way with this trauma. It sounds to me like you have shut it all away so for you your brain is protecting itself as if it has not really happened. It doesnt mean you didnt care.
If you can bring youself to do one thing at a time you might find you begin to grieve but again you might not still be ready.
No two people grieve the same but it is inevitable that it has to happen for us to move forward and accept what has happened. it is just so difficult to know what to do. Just do what feels right for you.

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss and the tsumsi of grief that I understand comes over in waves, sometimes when you are least expecting it. Its been 9 months since my husband of 26 years died suddenly and I found your post especially poignant as I am dreading the first anniversary. I still haven’t cleared out his stuff and as time goes on I’m finding it harder to do. Any advice on this would be helpful.

Dear 0365

I am just approaching 7 months since my husband died suddenly. We had been married 38 years. His birthday is on Saturday and already the stress levels are building. Its made worse because we have just welcomed another little grandson into the family - a little boy who will never meet or know his most amazing granda.

I have not cleared any of my husband’s things. I have not touched anything of his I avoid going into his wardrobe or drawers so as not to upset myself even further even though I am desperate to find his wedding ring which I know he was not wearing on the day he died.

I am sure that our heart will tell us when we are strong enough to deal with moving things. At the moment I am not in any rush and cannot face it. Until then just keep taking one day at a time.

Take care and I am so sorry that you find yourself on this awful, painful journey.

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Hi
So sad they are missing out on seeing there grandchildren but I believe our husbands are around us. My granddaughter is just 3 and randomly states Grampy Mick (as she called him ) is laughing at me always mentioning him.
As for clearing Micks belongings everything is still here after 13 months I go to sort things out then stop. When we are ready. Take care

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Hi

Our little grandson has started to look along the corridor of our bungalow as if watching someone. That’s what I like to think anyway and hope he is just not searching for his ‘missing’ granda who was at his side every day.

Take care.

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Perhaps he can sort of see him? That would be amazing! X

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Dear AnnR

I am not sure that I believe in spirits. I do believe in God and that is the only thing that keeps me from actually carrying out the dark thoughts I have every night. I can only hope that one day me and my husband are reconciled. I so need him.

Dear Sheila, I am not entirely sure that I believe in them either, but who knows? I tend to clutch at straws, anything to ease the pain.
Go with whatever works, I say! Xx

Dear AnnR

I understand. It may go some way to help with the grief if I felt my husband was around us - but I just do not get that sense. Just the emptiness. The silence and coldness continues unrelenting today as it did when I was told he had not survived the accident.

I just do not want x years ahead without him and living like this. Life is so unbearable and sometimes I cannot believe that it has happened.

Take care.

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