Can hardly believe in a few days time it will be the first anniversary since my Mum passed away. I have had some truly dreadful times but thought I was finally getting more calm and accepting of what has happened. I lived with Mum and miss her still so much. What I thought was loneliness at first I know now to be just feeling completely alone at times, even when I am with other people.
In the last year I have found out who my real friends are, the people who just let me talk, moan about life in general or just sit and keep me company. Likewise, the people who I thought were kind who once the funeral was over have ignored me completely. The family member who I have always known was ‘difficult’ who kept up a barrage of rudeness and abuse throughout Mum’s last few weeks and is still continuing their campaign.
The build up to the anniversary is awful. I can’t sleep again, past 2am at the moment and am lying listening to the rain outside. Today is one year on since poor Mum had a syringe driver put in to ease the pain and we were told she had a few days left.
Somehow I will get through these days but I just wish I could go to sleep and wake up in a weeks time knowing the anniversary is over.