One year today.

I lost Steve one year today.,I wish I had one more day, wish I knew then what I know now. Wish we had discussed his passing. Lots of things left unsaid.

Hi,

I am coming up to the 1st anniversary of my husbands passing & I feel the same as you do, I wish we had discussed his death but we had hope & I don’t think I accepted the end was coming so his death came as a big shock.

Hi Montague, you must have had a very emotional day today even more than every day since your husband died. Every single one of us on this site will have left things unsaid to the person we loved most in the world not deliberately but because life is like that…
My father died last June aged 97 having been married to my mother for 72 years. She is now 91. He would never discuss death even though as a soldier in several fields of combat he had seen a lot of it. Even though most of their contemporaries had died it was not a discussion they ever had.
My husband died suddenly in November aged 64 . I knew he wanted to be cremated and scattered at sea but beyond that we never discussed death or dying. He was always so full of life and energy that it didn’t seem appropriate . We mistakenly thought we could do that as we got older.
I know he knew I loved him dearly as did our two sons but I wish I had said thank you more often for the lovely life I had with him.
We would all love to go back and say more .
Hope this helps you and flower garden know so many of us have similar regrets

1 Like

Anniversaries are always difficult, especially the first one, there are always regrets but you did what was right at the time for you and your partner, my husband refused to talk about the fact he was dying, and it is very difficult, but for him it was obviously the way he managed to cope with the situation, I still find the anniversary of his death a difficult day and it’s 8 years since I lost him, but I now accept that this is how I feel and I know I will get through it, Be kind to yourself and sending love and hugs x

My first anniversary is next weekend. I have a wonderful new partner but still very much love and miss Mark. I wanted to be anywhere but home which is where I found his body, but it’s lockdown so what can you do?
I have no answers. Mark was only 45 and wasn’t ill. We had joked about death, it’s not a subject we avoid in our family. So I knew what he’d like and gave him a wonderful party to say goodbye.
Anniversaries are always going to be tough, especially the first, and especially in lockdown. But we will get through it because life goes on, the garden still grows and the birds are singing louder than ever.

I felt exactly as you did when the first anniversary of my husbands death was coming round, he died at home, so I decided to go and stay with my daughter, but I might as well have been at home, your memories go with you and in many respects I wish I had stayed at home, I think it would have been better, not easier but better for me, since then I’ve always stayed at home, it’s going to be a difficult day, and don’t expect next year to be much better, I think you just have to go with it, and realise it’s going to be a horrible day, but you will get through it and life will get better xx

Hello Rachel and Jude. We’re all very different, we cope differently, even in grief. You see, for me, anniversaries are no different to any other day. I am still left without my man. How could I miss him anymore than I do already, anniversary or not? I’m a logical thinker.

I always think that my husband pretty much died at home too Jude, even though he was taken to hospital, because home is where he was when he suffered his cardiac arrest. In bed, lying next to me. Home is where I feel closest to him. The sheet which was on the bed that terrible night is the sheet I still like to lie on. Yet I know, some could never have lay on that sheet ever again. Some cannot even sleep in the same bed again. No rights, no wrongs. Anything goes. We do what is best for us.

I hope your day goes as well as it can Rachel and is as special as you want it to be. Sending love xx

1 Like
Back to top