Hi all. My Dad died early 2024, so just over a year ago. Ive posted what happened before so don’t want to say all that again. I can’t seem to move on and it feels like its only recently happened. I have cried so much in the past, but now I feel numb and disconnected with life in general. Nothing has any meaning and each day I just kind of exist. I can’t work its too hard, I don’t really see anyone by choice because I just feel a burden and don’t have the energy to socialise. There is really nothing I care about and Im constantly reminded of my Dad with so many things. I struggle to sleep and switch off, nights are worse as thoughts invade my head. I even dreamed last night my Dad was there and I hugged him, and it felt so real. I do have quite vivid dreams that often feel real. I feel like im in a state of constant anxiety with no way out. Ive tried speaking to a counsellor but found it no use. I don’t want to take anti-depressants. All I can envisage are years ahead like this and its just crushing. I don’t feel like anything can or will help and don’t know how I keep on like this. The one thing I have that gives me any joy is my dog and makes me keep going. I try to push away the constant sadness and sometimes do, but it just keeps on coming back, and its grinding md down. I know my Dad would not want me to feel like this, but I just miss him so much and it feels unbearable that I won’t ever see him again. I know there is nothing anyone can say to change this, or make me feel better, but I wanted to get how I feel out of my head for a moment.
Um its difficult have you tried talking to your gp at all . I know how you feel yes l have 2 westies which in the open air helps me l lost my wife 13 weeks ago after 5 years of vascular dimentia nurseing her . Do you feel it helps walking your dog mine are minty and barbie . You dont say if you are working or retired .l am so sorry for you when l lost my dad in 2002 it took 5 years even to stop crying and all the sleep less nights. I am retired , have you no support at all . I am doing councilling and with me its helps . I am sorry it did not help you . Ken near oxford
Hi Ken. Thanks for your message. I’m really sorry to hear about the loss of your wife. Dementia is an awful condition and it must have been a very hard 5 years. My Dad had memory loss in the last couple of months before he passed due to Sepsis and the drug’s he was on. It was hard seeing him at that point and he didnt even recognise me. I’m not retired, but have been unable to work as I can’t cope with any pressure. GP’s just offer drugs (which I don’t want) or counselling (which doesn’t help). I’ve pushed people away because I either don’t want to burden them or I just can’t cope with people. I realise I’m very low and I’m not exactly helping myself, but I can’t seem to change, or want to, or have the energy to try to. My world feels totally wrong without my Dad. Everthing just feels insignificant and meaningless in comparison. I feel like I’ve shut myself away because I don’t even want to put up with myself, let alone put that on other people. I don’t want to feel like this but am stuck not really able to face the world. Maybe it will just take time, I don’t know. Thanks again for your reply.
Hi Laura. I’m so sorry you are struggling. 
I read your post and wanted to let you know that I feel the much same way, apart from it being a cat that keeps me going, not a dog. 
Like you, I know my father wouldn’t want this for me, but I have no idea what to do anymore apart from trying to endure. Which is exhausting and like you write, it grinds me down. I’ve tried counselling too and I’m on anti-depressants, but they don’t take the emptiness away and they come with side effects so I understand why you don’t want to try them. Huge hugs. 
First l was not running you down . At least you see the gp .have you thought of councilling at all any way there seems no one answer to our grief journey so sorry ken
So sorry. I also lost my dad in early 2024 and it feels both like yesterday and a lifetime ago since I last heard his voice. I struggle too with that feeling of life being meaningless without him here to share it with - unfortunately that feeling is a slippery slope and put me in a very dark place for a while. It feels so unfair that life moves on without them - and that we are expected to too. I know that feeling may always be there in some capacity, but I would suggest surrounding yourself with close friends and family who lift your mood and make you laugh. It’s important to allow yourself some relief from the constant pain even if that’s just a completely unrelated conversation with a friend or family member that leaves you walking away smiling and feeling a little lighter. Sending hugs.
Your message resonates with me so so much. I’m really sorry to hear what you went through. It’s hard to make sense of anything I get that. I feel a shell of a person since I lost both parents unexpectedly within 11 months of each other. I’m just trying to put one foot in front of the other each day, and if I have a bad day try not to be hard on myself and label myself with anything nasty - very hard to do. I’m thinking of you and letting you know we are going through it all together here in this forum - different circumstances - I hope that helps you feel less a lone. Go easy on yourself.
How are you , l am at home to day as l have a nasty cold ,l am finding if l keep my mind busy it helps. I over 60 years have trained to build model dolls houses with lights etc they are on 1/12 scale its helping , l do it for others , went from oxford where l live to near Cambridge to a dolls house shop last week and got all the bits like lights ,doors ,windows etc . My customer ( friend ) is so looking forward to having this 3 bedroom villa . Maybe a hobby helps on this painfull journey ,ah l had to make myself do it . But it helps almost like therapy . All the best to you on our journey with loads of all the best
Hi. Thanks for your kind message. It must be really hard losing both your parents in such a short space of time. Loss is incredibly hard and I’ve experienced sudden loss and as with my Dad it being drawn out. Ive tried to keep myself busy, cleared out so much rubbish in my house, and am more organised than I’ve ever been. I know I should go out and face the world, but just cant cope with small talk, putting on a happy face etc, its just too exhausting to even try. Hopefully I will adjust in time. In the meantime I’m just doing what I want to get to the next day. I feel very on edge with little patience for anything. If I do go out and someone says the wrong thing or is rude or something like that I’m likely to be off to them. In my head its like, why are you concerned about that trivial ‘X’ when I’ve lost my Dad.
Hi. Thanks for getting in touch again. That sounds like a great hobby, I love those miniture houses. Its amazing what you can get to go in them and decorate etc. I can imagine doing something so intricate keeps the mind occupied. I’m trying to work out what I’d like to do that is creative. I often watch some short video’s on Pinterest for inspiration. Good luck with your project.
This is like reading ny own feelings its been a year and a half since my dad passed, i think i put my own grief on the back burner while focusing on my mum then on my sons who were so close to my dad. I now have so many feelings i cant seem to get them in order i feel angry and guilty im a nurse and missed so many things like my brain blocked out all my knowledge when it came to him. Now i feel numb i dont every anything its like im going through the motions then i feel im missing out on life but cant bring myself to snap out of it.
Hi. We are so hard on ourselves. The battle to do everything right, dealing with hospitals, social workers, carers, doctors and everything, being frustrated and angry at inept systems, protocol, bureaucracy, jobsworths, etc when you are struggling enough at knowing a person you love is dying is torture and traumatic. I’m still dealing with that trauma now, berating myself and knowing I did all I could within the restrains of a broken system, but still thinking there was more I could do. Time passes, but in a split second its like I’m back in the room my Dad passed in feeling completely helpless. People should not have to suffer at the end like they do. I hope in time you find some peace as do I. Nothing can prepare us for such a loss and I think it affects some harder than others depending on who we are. Wish you all the best. x
@LAURA12 it’s been so incredibly hard, and people don’t fully understand what you’re going through until they experience it first hand themselves. I really struggled with friends not really staying in touch after what has happened.
It’s a very difficult time and we all need to be kind to ourselves and not add any additional pressure to what is already a very difficult time. Take good care of yourself and we are all here to chat when needed.
Thank you for your post, its been really comforting to read your storey and the other peoples who have commented, in the sense that I am not alone in how I’m feeling . I lost my mum in January and I just feel I’m not dealing with it very well. I had depression before she died and her going has made it so much worse. I stay in bed until the afternoon , I had to quit my job and I can’t work, I can’t see my friends as I have got really panicky about doing so. Like you I find I just try and get through one day to make it to the next. I’ve tried antidepressants but they either don’t work or make me feel worse. I’m having counselling for my depression which is helping a bit. Thanks again for your post, you’re not alone x