Organ Donation regrets.

[Dottie72]

Hello everyone, I do understand that this may be a taboo topic, however my Martin donated his heart, liver and kidneys. I spent the 7th of August 2022 in a bed beside him in the ICU.

The staff at The Royal Belfast, did honour my wishes ( we had just been told that my Martin was brain dead) his birthday was the 8th of August and I wanted to be there with him.

I am going to be completely honest in my words; I did not want to do it; that may sound really selfish, but why should another person get to live when my reason for living was gone?

I had the worst experience with the nurse who was involved with the transplant interview, she kept referring to my Martin in the past tense! I know at one point, I was ready to say, you are just interested in my husbands organs, and have absolutely no respect or concern for me or Martin’s family!

I am also really surprised that the recipients of my husbands organs have not had the common decency to get in touch? Jeepers, had that been a member of my family, I would have reached out!

This is how I feel, I know that lots of people may disagree. I have now taken myself of the donor list and due to this experience, both my brothers and all of Martins siblings have done the same.

For a person to receive my beautiful Martin’s heart and save their life, how could they not thank us as a family? I really struggle with this; apparently a heart is the best gift you can give.

In all honesty, if I could go back, I would say NO!

I struggle with this every day. Sorry if this offends/ upsets anyone, it’s just how I feel…

Dottie x

[Wingingit]

Hi @Dottie72 .

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the most generous, selfless decision you made at such a bleak, sad time for you and Martin’s family.

I am so, so sorry that this is how your experience has made you feel.

I am particularly sorry as I am someone who has benefitted from this generous act - I had a transplant from a deceased donor 16 years ago.

I can say that for some recipients, it can take many, many months before they feel well enough physically - and, sadly, some recipients don’t survive - and strong enough mentally, to write that thank you letter but please don’t think the recipients are not grateful.

Many of us are scared that our letters, full of hope, joy and gratitude are going to stir up such sadness for our donor’s family - we’re only too aware that our new lease of life has come about because another human being lost theirs.

Another reason some people don’t get round to writing is because they don’t know what to say.

Thank you just doesn’t seem enough for a gift of such generosity.

I did write to my donor’s wife and it was without doubt, one of the hardest letters I’ve written in my life.

In that position, I don’t know if I would have been brave enough and strong enough to do what she, and you, did - but thank you again to her, and you and Martin.
Xxx

[Dottie72]

Thank you for your lovely reply. Honestly, I totally get and appreciate what you are saying, so happy that your life was changed due to the selfless act of another wonderful person.

As lovely as this is, unfortunately, it will never change my opinion, the experience myself and my beautiful husband experienced is forever etched in my memory, the sheer thoughtfulness and utter lack of respect remains.

Sending you a big hug, at least I now know, at times decent, loving, respectful people, deserve that second chance of life…

Dottie xx❤️

[Wingingit]

Bless you @Dottie72 .
A hug right back to you.
Hospitals can be truly brutal places at times, that’s for sure but it just seems all wrong that the experience you had have added to your grief .
I just wanted to give you a bit of hope that because no-one has said thank you for your sacrifice and generosity, there is a posibility that they may yet.

[Dottie72]

Thank you so much, I really do appreciate your response. …I don’t know how this process is supposed to be conducted. My Martin was only 47 and it seemed their only mission was to harvest his precious organs. This process needs to change! I’m not sure if anyone else on this site has suffered anything similar?

I sat in my PJs, no shoes, in a strange room, after going up several floors on a lift. Then came the questions, at times, completely inappropriate, it was the worst time in my life, I wanted to just disappear.

I’m so sorry to say, this has changed not only my mind, but the majority of mine and my Martins family; I would never put anyone through that experience. I will forever encourage anyone else to do the same.

Sending a big hug… x💕