Our Dementia Journey

This being my first post I’m going to keep it brief, my wife of 52 years sadly passed from this life at 11-11am on the 25th January and her funeral will take place at 11-30am tomorrow 22nd February, I think I will have a lot to write about in due course, for now I’ll just say my emotions are all over the place, ranging from Extreme Sadness, Guilt, Emptiness, Loss, sometimes I think I’m hurting physically, my chest tightens then the sadness becomes almost unbearable and I find myself blubbering like an idiot, I understand this is all part of the grieving process but for me and I expect for some others in this community this process of grieving has been going on since diagnosis, 5-1/2 years in my case, but to wind up my first post I will say although not for everyone writing about it has helped me a lot, I’ve even written a letter to ‘Annabelle’ and I have placed it in her coffin, I intend to write more too and find an appropriate method of sending them to her, Stay safe Binley

Hi Biley.
I think sometimes the emotions do hurt phsically. The tears just flow freely on and off and it sometimes feels like they will never stop.
I think the moment we know that an illness long term or short term will lead to the passing of our loved ones we begin to grieve but we manage to get through it for them .we are now left to get through it without them and that is when the emotions are more intense and all over the place.
There are moments of happy, in amongst the sadness that seems overwhelming but it always returns like a blow to the head. But remaining hopefull that sometime further on it will improve more.
Wishing you strength tomorrow

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Thank you for your reply I know I’m going to need emotional strength for Ann’s funeral and because of the pandemic there will only be 11 of us there 12 if you include the priest although I am having the service Webcast so those who under normal circumstances would have been with us can still participate if they wish,
Kind regards Binley

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Bless you @Binley I feel your pain, I also have felt all these emotions and I still am. I lost my dad 6 weeks ago I was dreading his funeral, but I sat and listened to the music playing hearing the words family said about him and it made me smile, dads funeral was the 5th of feb exactly a month after he died, and a few weeks on I have days where I can’t even speak to anyone I have days where I cry all day. Everyday is different. In life People prepair you for everything, your first day as school…your driving test etc but nobody can prepair for the utter devastation of losing someone you love and the emptiness we feel.

Tomorrow isn’t going to be easy for you but you will look back in time and get comfort from the words people say

Don’t be afraid to cry don’t keep it in
Take care and keep hold of all the happy memories you have
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Thank you for your support ‘B’

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Thank you all for your support, we’ve now had her funeral and the webcast went well and good number I understand we’re watching, also Ann’s old employer and subsequently our friend arranged for the funeral procession to pass by their offices where all of the staff and himself too were stood outside clapping as the director walked us past,
it was a very touching tribute for my lady who was there from the start when he opened the business (there were just the 2 of them and to help she forwent her salary for a short period) he often said he thought of her as a second mum, the first day after the funeral I felt absolutely wretched but I also felt very little emotionally almost totally blank, but, then that had the effect of making me feel very guilty, I was supposed to have gone to our daughters for coffee but I couldn’t motivate myself, I’m feeling a bit better today so I will probably pop down to see them but not before going to the funeral directors to retrieve her wedding ring and rosary beads and hopefully finalise stuff, thank you all once again ‘B’

I was thinking of you on the day of her funeral @Binley, what beautiful memories you have been left with, so sweet they stood outside and clapped you must of been so proud, she sounds an amazing women with a good heart

You take care of yourself

Message me anytime if you need a chat

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