Our Dementia Journey

This being my first post I’m going to keep it brief, my wife of 52 years sadly passed from this life at 11-11am on the 25th January and her funeral will take place at 11-30am tomorrow 22nd February, I think I will have a lot to write about in due course, for now I’ll just say my emotions are all over the place, ranging from Extreme Sadness, Guilt, Emptiness, Loss, sometimes I think I’m hurting physically, my chest tightens then the sadness becomes almost unbearable and I find myself blubbering like an idiot, I understand this is all part of the grieving process but for me and I expect for some others in this community this process of grieving has been going on since diagnosis, 5-1/2 years in my case, but to wind up my first post I will say although not for everyone writing about it has helped me a lot, I’ve even written a letter to ‘Annabelle’ and I have placed it in her coffin, I intend to write more too and find an appropriate method of sending them to her, Stay safe Binley

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Thank you for your reply I know I’m going to need emotional strength for Ann’s funeral and because of the pandemic there will only be 11 of us there 12 if you include the priest although I am having the service Webcast so those who under normal circumstances would have been with us can still participate if they wish,
Kind regards Binley

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Bless you @Binley I feel your pain, I also have felt all these emotions and I still am. I lost my dad 6 weeks ago I was dreading his funeral, but I sat and listened to the music playing hearing the words family said about him and it made me smile, dads funeral was the 5th of feb exactly a month after he died, and a few weeks on I have days where I can’t even speak to anyone I have days where I cry all day. Everyday is different. In life People prepair you for everything, your first day as school…your driving test etc but nobody can prepair for the utter devastation of losing someone you love and the emptiness we feel.

Tomorrow isn’t going to be easy for you but you will look back in time and get comfort from the words people say

Don’t be afraid to cry don’t keep it in
Take care and keep hold of all the happy memories you have

Thank you for your support ‘B’

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Thank you all for your support, we’ve now had her funeral and the webcast went well and good number I understand we’re watching, also Ann’s old employer and subsequently our friend arranged for the funeral procession to pass by their offices where all of the staff and himself too were stood outside clapping as the director walked us past,
it was a very touching tribute for my lady who was there from the start when he opened the business (there were just the 2 of them and to help she forwent her salary for a short period) he often said he thought of her as a second mum, the first day after the funeral I felt absolutely wretched but I also felt very little emotionally almost totally blank, but, then that had the effect of making me feel very guilty, I was supposed to have gone to our daughters for coffee but I couldn’t motivate myself, I’m feeling a bit better today so I will probably pop down to see them but not before going to the funeral directors to retrieve her wedding ring and rosary beads and hopefully finalise stuff, thank you all once again ‘B’

I was thinking of you on the day of her funeral @Binley, what beautiful memories you have been left with, so sweet they stood outside and clapped you must of been so proud, she sounds an amazing women with a good heart

You take care of yourself

Message me anytime if you need a chat


Still on our Dementia journey but I’m now doing it without ‘Annabelle’ the house feels very empty now but occasionally I think I can feel her presence here, although it’s now 35 days since her passing I’m beginning to think I might be ‘broken’ for want of a better phrase as my emotions are not as I expected them to be it’s almost as if I’ve skipped a few stages of the grieving process, is it possible that I’ve already moved on to acceptance ? because I’m having feelings of guilt

I think our emotions change every day when we have lost a loved one please don’t feel guilty for that, dad has only been gone since Jan the 5th and I feel different most days…some days I cry other days I don’t want to talk to anyone then there are the days when I wake up and think dad would want me to live and not be so sad all the time, then I feel guilty for having those feelings. I think when you are grieving anything goes and Annabelle will always be with you.

I have heard my dad coughing down my mums and my sister heard it too

People may think I’m mad who knows, I know it was dad I take comfort in the things I have heard and felt,its there way of telling us they are ok

You take care


I hit the wrong button again, so to continue I still shed a few tears now and again as the emotions are never to deep beneath the surface, however, I find when I’m keeping busy with some task or another I find myself no longer concentrating on the fact she’s not with me anymore and when I realise this I start to feel guilty all over again, I know my love for her is still as intense as it’s always been I talk to her and to her pictures of which I have many dotted around and I can smile and joke with her too, it’s all very strange as it’s definitely not how I was expecting it to be, in some ways I feel I’m cheating on her memory, how can that be ? I am still so in love with my Lady and now tears are starting to come as I write this,
I’ve been to the funeral home today to collect her wedding ring, rosary beads, photographs and to finalise the account so I don’t have that on my mind all the time, however, I’ll give it a few more days to see how my emotions are fairing then I shall post another update,
PS. the tears have already stopped again !?!

Yes,I think I’ve heard my girl too, B

Bless you i am crying too x

Grief is a weird thing isn’t it, but no one prepairs you for the pain of losing someone, like you said the physical and mental pain is so hard to deal with.


It’s now some while since I last voiced my thoughts on Sue Ryder, naturally I’ve continued to follow the posts of others who are grieving for their loved ones and I too feel the sadness that is contained in many of your heartfelt words, however, Today is the first anniversary of my wife Ann’s passing, “Annabelle” as I always called her was taken from us at 11-11 am on the 25th January 2021 the time is very significant because for although I’m not prone to being superstitious prior to her passing for some reason I had not always but frequently over 2/3 years noted this standout time when looking at digital clock’s, I and Annabelle whom I’d first met in 1966 had been very happily married for 52 of those years, sadly, 6 years prior to her death she had been diagnosed with a nasty form of dementia called
Dementia with Lewy Bodies so right from the outset we knew what the inevitable outcome would probably be like, though like is often said no two dementias are exactly the same and although the experience was far worse than anything we could have imagined because of the time scale we were able to plan what we would like in the way of funerals etc. and I was fortunate enough to keep her at home too, because of this I was able to hold her hands in mine in her final moments and at the very last she shed one single tear, I’m also sure at that point I saw in her eyes recognition of who I really was and then she was gone,
Now I could wax lyrical about this Lady forever but suffice it for me to say she was an incredible wife, homemaker and mother to our daughter and son, she was also one of the most beautiful, gentle, kind, loyal and loving souls you could ever wish to meet always putting the needs of others before her own so naturally I feel exceptionally privileged that she’d decided to share her life with me, unfortunately because of the
Part of my reason for writing this missive is to help those of you who have fallen into the same trap as I did and constantly beat myself up a kind of survivor’s guilt if you please, family and friends have constantly told me I couldn’t have done more and to have kept the promise’s I’d made to her,
and so my fellow grievers even though it’s not easy, if need be please give yourself some credit for there is no right or wrong way in dealing with our sorrows we’re just human after all and can only do our best with the strength we have in us, it’s taken a while but I think I’ve finally realised those family and friends have been right all along,
lastly for what it’s worth I find writing to Annabelle occasionally helps me cope, it’s not for everyone I know, however, if you think it might help perhaps give it a try, many regards Binley

A part of my post disappeared so here’s the missing piece “ because of the pandemic we like many other families were unable to give her a proper send off, however, pandemic permitting we will eventually hold a wake in her memory where family and friends alike can and I’m sure will share many fond memories of this wonderful woman”