Our own funeral plans?

My partner died without making a will which has caused additional heartache and stress and all sorts of financial problems/ complications.
Has anyone thought ahead about their own funeral? Has anyone sorted out a funeral plan? Any guidance on what to do and how much it costs, etc?

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Hi @Sarlyn , I’m sorry for your loss.
We made wills when our children were little it was important to plan for them incase the worst happened to us. We renewed our wills and both took out funeral plans about five years before my husband died. He was given a life expectancy which pushed us into doing it. We both discussed and knew what we wanted from our funerals, down to the music. It also took the burden away from out children.
The cost varies depending on what type of funeral you want, from simple non religious to bespoke with special requests such as horse drawn hearse. The best thing to do is speak to a funeral director and they can best guide to the options and costs.
Ours cost about £5000 each, which we paid on a monthly plan. We both wanted to be cremated with a minister leading the service and a car for the immediate family.
It’s not an easy subject to talk about, but for us it was the best decision.
My husband died two years ago, planning helped but still does not take away the heartache and loss.
Sending love
Debbie x

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@Sarlyn We did the same as @Debbie57 with wills when my wife was first diagnosed with cancer. This made everything so much easier especially as we had always kept separate bank balances and savings. My wife’s funeral was just under £5000. I’m looking at a plan for me. My mother took out a plan when she was 70 and fully paid this. When she died at just short of 102 the policy was so old the company had to find the paper version in their basement. She paid in £900 and the policy covered the full cost of funeral which was about £4500. It is something no one likes to talk about but we had our wills written by a solicitor as part of a charity donation scheme so it felt right that we were gifting to our favourite charity at the same time. We both set out our wishes that we be cremated, that the service be non religious, and chose the music to be played.

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@Mike75
Thank you for the info, it’s reassuring to know that they still covered the full cost of your mother’s funeral in line with current day cost of a funeral. Wow 102! What a grand age.
I have no family and no children and I don’t want a public/state social services funeral so I will be looking to do this, not just yet, as my partners funeral is in 2 weeks and I’m still in shock with everything

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Thanks Debbie
It’s strange how a sudden death forces you to deal with these issues. I know so many people aged 60 and upwards that haven’t made a will and going through this horrendous experience myself where my partner died without a will and all the issues it has caused and especially how his son’s have behaved towards me

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I totally understand. I have to do it because I don’t have any family or children who could arrange my funeral which would mean a social services one and I couldn’t bare the thought of that. Instead it would be an appointed solicitor

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Any funeral director will advise you.
Depends on what you want, as to the cost. Our plans were approx £3500 each. Making a will is so simple (and cheap) - if things are in black & white then there should be no misunderstandings!!

G. X

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We’d both spoken about making wills and funeral plans after his dad died out of the blue but we never got around to doing them. He’d told me what he wanted at his cremation and I’m very greatful for that, the only thing was he only picked out one funeral song so we had to decide on two more. Everything else he had spoken to me about previously even down to the clothing he wanted to be dressed in because his mam had put a suit on his dad and he’d hated that. He always said his dad hated wearing a suit and that I was not to allow his mam to put one on him if he died before her. He had also told his mam that if anything happened to him then I knew what he wanted and she’s been fine with that and let me do everything he wanted. Obviously neither of us expected this to happen. After he passed I’ve encouraged my friend and her partner to have a chat about what they would like at their own funerals because you never know what is around the corner. It’s one of them things you put off because you think you have years ahead of you to worry about it then something like this happens and it’s too late :broken_heart:

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@Grandma
Did you have a monthly payment plan? Do you know what the cost is roughly per month? Just so I have an idea as my brain is not up to looking into it all yet. I’m just trying to look at some of my finances as with the state of the NHS I am also thinking of getting private health insurance

Unfortunately I don’t know anything regarding private health insurance. Have you considered “power of attorney”? Again any solicitor will advise.
My dad had told me which undertaker he wanted :woozy_face: he’d been putting some money away in a shoe box for me to use - but no instructions of his wishes.
I was fortunate to be left some money after both parents passed. Their funerals went so smoothly, I decided to pay for our plans in full with the same undertaker.
Our daughter & son were a bit taken aback when I told them but when their dad passed they realised it made things easier. All I’ve to do is to pick my own music!

G. X

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@LostLil
A friend recently said to me when your time is up that’s it and it was his time to go but my head keeps going round and round asking why was it his time to go? What determines when our time is done here?

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There’s an elderly lady that we know, shes in her early 80’s. Her husband died about 25 years ago so she’s lived on her own ever since. She’s not in the best way but she still does things and goes away with her sister. She came up to see me today and I was looking at her, she looks frail, elderly and she was breathless from walking two streets away. I was looking at her thinking to myself how come she’s outlived my fit, strong man? How on earth can that be fair? When people say when it’s “our time” it’s our time I think well some babies die before they are born, others die soon after birth or toddlers die of childhood cancers. How is that “their time”? It can’t be. What would be the point in bringing them into the world just to take them away and leave their parents suffering the heartbreak? I don’t believe in “our time” I think this world is just a random cruel senseless place where some people fall lucky and others don’t. I know people quite a bit older than me who still have their grandparents and parents around, I’ve lost all mine apart from my “father” I’ve no idea if he’s alive or dead because he’s never been around. I think it’s just random and being lucky or unlucky tbh. Everybody is different and has different beliefs though, what are your thoughts on it? x

That’s actually quite an interesting question, I’d be interested in seeing other people’s views on that x

@LostLil
Well oddly, yes, I do believe our lives are predestined but what I don’t know is why?
I believe we are all here for a purpose and once that has been achieved we leave this world.
They say some people enter our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. My brain is full of stuff like this so maybe best to scroll past me :joy: I am contemplating the meaning of everything at the moment because I do believe there is a meaning but it just creates a million questions and no answers. This is obviously how grieving has hit me

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Haha, no I wouldn’t scroll past you. I am genuinely interested in other people’s beliefs on the subject. Hopefully one day someone will start a thread on the subject because I’d be interested in seeing other people’s views.
I just struggle to believe that the elderly lady who came to see me earlier has more purpose in this world than my OH did. How can murderers and rapists have more of a purpose in life than a young child who dies in a tragic accident? I feel like I’ve got no purpose in this world now, why do I have to stay and endure it when a young mother with children who need her will pass away? So senseless and random. I don’t know,my mind is scrambled I think.

I’m becoming obsessed with mediums and the afterlife :rofl:

@LostLil
See I did tell you to scroll past me ha!ha!
My Jim who never said a bad word about anyone recently had been talking about a neighbour of ours, he is same age 63, lives alone, retired 2yrs ago, got plenty of money but stays in his house 24/7 and drinks all day and watches football, Jim kept saying what a waste of life, he does nothing, no hobbies, no exercise, sits drinking and watching TV, thank god I am not like that and then ironically another neighbour said when Jim passed, why Jim when that waste of space Paul down the road is still here, my Jim really disliked him and I often wondered why…
I have realised I need to change my name to “why” lol

My husband didn’t have a will or any planned funeral arrangements, it was hard trying to sort everything out, thankfully there was a bereavement benefit I could claim which covered half the cost of the funeral, my main problems were with the bank he had in his name and were most of the bills were paid from, in his last days he did sign a form instructing the bank to change this over to my name but they claimed it arrived too late to do anything with, eventually the funds were transferred over to me but having to re-organise all the bills to be paid from my account was a nightmare, I did tell my children that I didn’t want them to have to go through all the same again when I go and would have their names added to my account so it would easy for them, I also wanted to start up a funeral plan but as yet this hasn’t been done, mainly due to financially struggling so no spare money to pay for one.

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:rofl: Exactly. How can the guy down the road have more purpose in life than your OH or my OH unless his purpose is to keep the local off licence going :rofl:There are many really elderly people who live on their own who are desperately lonely and feel like they are waiting to die, whats their purpose in life now? Lots of them are desperately unhappy and not very mobile.

Nah, this world is just a random senseless place if you ask me :rofl:

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@Freedomlass
What a nightmare for you but similar to my situation, very strange how so many of our partners on here who passed first are those that never made wills?
It forces those of us left behind to ensure it doesn’t happen again

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@LostLil
Yes :joy: but if we are to believe in the afterlife, then surely there must be a reason why they are called?
I know deep down, even though I am angry, devastated, lonely and every other word that describes grief, that for Jim his passing happening suddenly and out of the blue no pre warnings, no symptoms it was the perfect way for him to go. He never had a days illness, never been in hospital, hated the thought of being incapacitated in any way shape or form and a massive heart attack and it was all over.
I was meant to survive him because he would not of handled any of this

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