Out Lives Go On Without You

Our lives go on without you
But nothing is the same
We have to hide our heartaches
When someone speaks your name.

Sad are the hearts that love you
Silent the tears that fall
Living our hearts without you
Is the hardest part of all.

You did so many things for us
Your heart was kind and true
And when we needed to talk to someone
We could always count on you.

The special years will not return
When we were all together
But with the love within our hearts
You will walk with us forever.

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This made me cry week 12 today since my wirld collapsed around me , he died in his sleep aged 43 , we had so many plans wanted to get old together abd do so many things , but now its me on my own not sleeping not eating and wanting to join him . The pain is too much to bear my soul has no peace. I miss him

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The words are so true, my husband passed away 14 months ago, it still seems like yesterday.

I agree with what you are saying and I know this is the only outlet to say many of the things we are feeling. I too want to join my soulmate that passed away one month today. I hope everyday that God will be kind and take me. I have a good family and would never take action to make this happen but I don’t even feel like I am the same person anymore. We should have been on holiday this week and instead I’m getting my.clothes chosen for the funeral.
Most of the offers of support have disappeared and I trudge through every day.
I look back and realise we had the most happiest of lives that were ripped apart.
I really don’t want to carry on.

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I can relate to the lack of support week 12 and everyone has backed off , i get an odd message or call but no practical or emotional support. Ive even had people saying to me that i need to let go , i was with him for 25 years we were teens when we hot together, i loved him and he was everything to me. He died in his sleep aged 43. People and the world can be so cruel :broken_heart:

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People don’t understand the grief, it’s unique to us. My support isn’t in my face everyday but if I ask for it, it’s there in abundance.

I don’t expect everyone to rally round me all the time, they have their lives to lead.

If I get upset they will comfort me but mostly I don’t want anyone around , I just want to be left alone to sob into my pillow.

It’s not for long, just long enough to get my balance back.

If I need someone I ask and invariably they are there.

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I too am just over four weeks in and I tried my black trousers on for the funeral today :broken_heart: I just can’t believe it’s happening. Just over a month ago he was living and breathing and maybe in two weeks time he’ll be given back to us as ash :sob: WTAF!
I too just want to join him most days, I’ve been quite calm today though. I wouldn’t actually do anything about it but I think the term is passively suicidal.

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Its such a shock with sudden deaths how our lives change in a blink of an eye, our whole being our identity our future all changed forever.

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You can go on a live chat with a bereavement counseller at Ataloss or Cruse they are open Mon Fri 9am til 9pm , i found that at times when i felt overwhelmed it was good to have direct interaction with another person especially the lead up to the funeral everything seems so final

The suddenness of it all is whats killing me. There’s no goodbye. Even though we were good I just feel like there’s so much I need to say to him that I’ll never get the chance to say. If only I could have five minutes to tell him how much he meant to me and how much I miss him :broken_heart:
Yes our lives will change forever. It’s terrifying. If I’m still struggling a week after the funeral then perhaps I will look at the places you suggest. I’m fed up of trying to talk to people I know and have them tell me that I need to find another way in life or that I need to just worry about myself from now on. I know they are right, I know they mean well but I’m only four weeks in. I think it’s perfectly normal to just want to talk about how much I miss him and cry at this stage I’m not ready to think of the future yet :broken_heart:

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Hi lostlil,
4 weeks isnt long, I’m 14 months in and still have days when i can cry for no reason. His was sudden as well at home. It just makes it harder as you think of the plans you have made and then the realization hits home that they are not to there to do them with

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You are too early in your grief everything is raw too raw , im in week 12 and i cry upto 6 times a day. People dont know what to say and will say things like you need move on in your life, you grief feel the pain as this was the intensity of your love .if we broke a leg no body would be telling us to start walking on it after 4 weeks, our hearts are broken we are in shock, you most definitely are in shock with the sudden death.Grief is different for everyone but you do what you need too if that is crying you cry dont hold your tears back for anyone, like you i too wanted to so much to him , but i never got a chance, you dont realise what you had until its gone

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People can be so thoughtless when it comes to bereavement. What I find so hard is when someone dies they are just suddenly deleted off the face of the earth at the speed of light and the world and people in it demand by it’s actions that we the bereaved get back on the wheel of life prompto. A mere few weeks after the funeral we are expected to press a reset button and resume normal service, support drops to a bare minimum and what I dislike the most is the lack of respect to the deceased. We live in a very cold society now where everyone wants everything instantly otherwise it’s an inconvenience and we are dragged along kicking and screaming inside because we are not ready, we need to absorb and process what has just happened, we need to mourn our loss, we need our loss to be acknowledged and more importantly we need our loved one’s to be respectfully remembered. This takes time but the saying ‘time waits for no man’ springs to mind.
A lovely neighbour of mine who lived on her own died last year, a relative within days came and put all her stuff/belongings in a skip out the front, cleared it all out, put a for sale board up and that neighbour has not been spoken about since. This was once someone’s life?

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Ah I know. Don’t get me wrong when I’m gone I won’t care if the house is cleared out and put up for sale straight away as I won’t need it but I completely agree with what you’re saying. It’s almost like a life doesn’t matter anymore. I’m completely broken and just four weeks in It’s like people expect me to be fine. A friend rang me last week to see how I was and asked me if I was back in work, that was week three! I understand that my OH passing wasn’t going to impact them in the way it has impacted me and his family but a little understanding would be nice :disappointed:

Its a cruel world no body has time for the broken hearted. I have decided to grief quickly now , its so lonely no one wants to talk sbout him as if he never existed. Even close family do not mention him. It is the way society is , out of sight out of mind so sad . I just feel like im being forced to be quite and stop talking about him

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At least you can always talk about him here :heart:

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Well they sound very hearltess!! Yuk !! Xx

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@Taz21 my mum is the same never want to talk about my husband who she once adored. I just keep talking about him as he deserves to be remembered and if people don’t like it then tough. My real friends understand and we talk about the good memories of my husband who suddenly died at 53. He was my soulmate and I will keep his memory alive so sod the ones who don’t like it.

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My husband died suddenly in Dec 2021
Since then then no one wants to talk about him. His own brother never speaks to me, his sister sends a message now and again. Its as if now hes gone we are no longer part of the family. My own children wont talk about him just yet as they are still feeling it as he passed away at home totally unexpected. It hit my daughter really hard as if the slightest mention of her dad starts her crying. She cant even bear to be in the house for more than 20 minutes as she says there is too much of him around, understandable in the circumstances but im not ready to let go of some of his things yet. I know in time she will cherish the memories of him, its heartbreaking having to go through this grief , as for his family if they can’t be bothered then thats fine by me. We dont need them we have each other

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@Beachgirl my son is 22 and we speak about his dad all the time. He is now driving his car. Every night he lights a candle and when he blows it out he says good night dad. We both having councelling as the the lost was suddenly and my son was with his dad when he died. I guess everyone grieves in there own way. Your daughter will come around. Also you are grieving your husband and she is grieving her dad. Big hugs xx

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